Ethan These Days

The last in my insanely long series....  :)

Ethan is our Action Man.  But I seriously think I need to change his blog name to Sleeping Man.  When Ethan turned 13, the dynamics of our home and family took on a whole new charism.

For example.  It seems we now own a humongous St. Bernard.  Ethan shot up like nobody's business these last 6 months and is almost as tall as I am.  With his new height and long limbs comes the interesting feat of having them all constantly under control.  Alas, our new yearling behaves much like a bull in a china shop.  All brawn, no brains.  We will hear various thumps and bumps, and all of us run expecting to see some maimed corpse at the bottom of the stairs, only to find.... yes, it was Ethan, and yes, he fell.... but it was... up the stairs.

:P

The sleep patterns.  Oy, the sleeping patterns.  How they have changed. We now have a nighttime wanderer.  I'll be half-asleep, dying to get into bed, schlepping around getting drinks of water or blankies or whatever, and suddenly a beam of light hits me full in the face.  Just when I think the aliens have come for sure, Ethan's scratchy voice assails me with some hair-brained idea for fixing the whachermacallit and he's off, bounding to the garage, headlamp sending bouncing beams of light everywhere.  He's like his own disco ball and dance partner, rolled into one.

He eats. Does he ever eat! Actually the question should be... does he ever stop eating?   I restrict snacks with the other kids, but not him.  He is constantly hungry.  Period.  I've given up trying to "solve" the hunger problem. I just tell him to go find something to munch on.  And he does.  Pickles, bananas, peanut butter, eggs... it doesn't matter, he'll try anything.  I'm just happy if we can make it an hour between binges. And, as long as he doesn't eat up the dinner I'm hoping to serve that evening, I'm thrilled.

:P

This is the child that tears at my heart the most.  What can I expect? He is the oldest.

Every time I turn around, he is breaking new ground.  There was one particular incident that occurred right around the time Little Dude was born.  Suffice it to say that liberties were taken and trust was broken.  I was devastated.  Yes, probably overreacting, but it broke my heart. Ethan was penitent. Extremely so.  The result was that our relationship has never been the same.  In fact, it has grown exponentially.  Surprising?  Yes.  And I would not have a re-do for all the world over.

 

There is an understanding and a softening of his eyes when I look at him during one of our (many) "trying" moments.  He seems to suddenly remember "that time" my trust was wounded and wanting... and instantly he backs off. He seems to know that having Mom on his side is more important than being "right" and, wanting to preserve the relationship, he acquieces to whatever maddening demand I am making on his time.  He has grown up quite a bit.

Ethan has weathered a few other storms recently.  He played baseball this past spring. I was strangely quiet about that on this blog. We'll just say that he learned a lot.  He learned that even adults do and say ridiculous things. That some people never quite grow up and will forever have a chip on their shoulder.  He also learned that most of the language one hears in a dugout filled with teenagers is not for the ears of siblings, as he deftly would persuade his sisters to sit at the other end of the bleachers during games, and could I please make sure they didn't hang around when he was out on the field? He never complained, was never made fun of, was never cast out... he just dealt with it.  I was very proud of him for that.

And I was very glad that his Dad was there with him, every step of the way.

I still worry.  This is my oldest.  He has so much more ground to cover, so many more goals to reach.  I wonder if he will succeed.  Have we taught him enough? Does he understand how cold and cruel life can be?  Is he ready to venture out?  Yes, I worry a lot.

His first step out comes this fall.  He will go to school, and I will not cry.

But I will be a stronghold for him.

Because, you see, I've got his back.

I know that he knows that.

And I think that will make all the difference in the world.

So Much To Say...

Words swirl around my head.  Posts composed in the twilight.  So much to share, no time to sit at keyboard and plunk.

I approach this morning with trepidation.  A long night translates into a quiet morning.  All are still asleep.  Yes, even the littlest.

The littlest who takes up the biggest part of me.
The one all flock to when rising.
He, who inspires humor and the most ridiculous serenades.

He consumes me.  I am so honored.
:)

Little Dude is growing so quickly. 
I find myself less torn these days....
You know, torn between wanting him to stay little and wanting him to grow and explore.

I used to be so torn.  With Little Love, especially. 
How to know God's plan?  Will we have another? Can we just freeze this moment? For one more second?

But now...
Now that my boys are set to head off to school in the fall... I am so. excited. for them.  Truly.  I have no regrets and really am peaceful that this is what God wants for them, right now.  I can't wait for them to go.  Not because I don't want them around, but because I know this is where they need to be.

My Little Dear is so interested in dance and theater right now... and will be starting piano.  So excited for her to find her niche!  So excited that she got to go see a wonderful production of "As You Like It" last night with her drama class. She was glowing when she got home.  

Now that Little Boo is a super star soccer player (ok, not really) I know that she is ready to take on the extra practices and games... indeed, she's been telling me this for quite awhile now.  Hoofing it to practice in 100 degree temps is not MY idea of a good time.  Ask Little Boo, however....  :)

That leaves my littlest, Little Love.  She will always be my baby.  But I am still so excited that she is growing up.  She went to Camp Jesus all. week. with her sisters.  Came home red-cheeked and full of stories every day.  Up and at-em the next morning... and off she went. The house is quieter.  The rooms less messy. :P  But that big smile when I see her in the afternoon and the joy at being with her friends is just awesome.

I know that as my kids reach different milestones, I will always look back at when they were "little" and smile.

But I can see how the joy of watching them grow... of encouraging them to grow into the people God wants them to be, will more than make up for the longings of those days gone by.

Well... almost.
:)

A Heart Unguarded

I have a long history with heartaches.  From the moment I enetered grade school, I wore my heart on my sleeve.  I often opened myself up to people who would prove to be less than ideal friends. My parents endured many days and nights of tears... betrayals and meanness... it was always the same story.

I don't think I have changed that much.  I still wear my heart on my sleeve.  I go out of my way to befriend, and be friendly.  I've learned that not all will appreciate my friendship, that there will be moments of heartbreak, of disappointment.  I also know that I am broken, a fallen creature.  I will make mistakes, will unknowingly offend, will be a less than perfect companion.  And that makes me grateful for the friends that I do have, that have stuck it out with me, warts and all.

I've found, when embarking upon a new adventure, or a new friendship, I have a choice.  Do I guard my heart?  Do I lower my eyes and offer little... or do I meet the newcomer face-to-face and plunge right into the dialogue?  Do I put myself out there, my arms and heart open?

In my family, do I spend time with my aging grandparents... do I make the effort to conect and re-connect?  Do I spare myself the ache of separation, of sorrow at their passing and remain aloof?

Similarly, when that extra pink line appears... how do I react?  In fear and trepidation?  Or with joyous welcome, no matter what the cost?

So it goes for friendships.  Do I spare myself the pain of being misunderstood, misjudged and ignored... and simply fade into the background?  But then. Then I will miss out on the joy of being known, of being treasured and loved.  I will miss out on the opportunities to be generous and giving, to grow in ways unimaginable.

Besides, I've seen what happens when I put myself out there.  I've experienced some pretty amazing things.  I've met some awesome people, and heard some unbelievable stories.  And it has all become a part of me.  I'd like to think I've left a bit of myself behind, something for the other person to take with them, something inspiring, something good. 

Oh how I hope I've left them something good.

Daybook: Anticipation

This week promises to be a busy one.  We have a birthday to celebrate today, some much anticipated out of town guests coming in tomorrow, our bathroom remodel is in the "detailed" work stages, our home school plans need to take shape quickly, as does the house, if we hope to make a trip to Colorado before the summer is gone.... not much time left over for pondering... or blogging, for that matter.

;)


Outside my Window...

Searing, scorching sun.  I'm not one to complain, even though we have had triple digit temps for well over a week!  I love the warmth on my skin... as long as I am immersed in water.  Which is most definitely where we'll be this afternoon if I can get my laundry list of things accomplished by lunch time.



I am Listening to....

A very eager 11 yr old waiting (patiently?) for his siblings and Dad to wake up so he can open his presents.  We do birthday presents in the morning before Dad heads off to work.  Then it's the birthday child's choice for dinner and dessert.  Should be a fun day.



I am Wearing...

Addidas sports skort, white tank, black croc sandals.  None of it maternity.... some of the maternity tops I've looked at have been simply too large, but I have a sneaking suspicion that I'll be needing them. 
Very. Soon.
;P


I am so Grateful for...

~Our tub!  It's been a month since I've been able to indulge in my nightly luxury.  DH cleaned it thoroughly yesterday so I could reinstate this ritual.  Boy... it felt great! (shall I show you how lovely it looks?  Sorry... the perfectionist in me wants to wait until the whole room is finished....)
~The internet.  The finding and connecting of like-minds is a wonderful thing.... making those connections IRL possible.  Very very good.



I am Pondering...

Charity in all circumstances.  Even when, and especially when, it may be true ignorance on the part of the other that necessitates that you be charitable.  Mass at our parish yesterday has spawned these thoughts.  And the sight of Our Lord in the form of a consecrated host under the sneaker of the teenager in front of me. (unbeknownst to the teenager..) Even though I acted quickly, it still pains me today.



I am Reading...

The Ministry of Motherhood, Severe Mercy (2nd go-round) and In Conversation with God. 
HELP!  I have book club tonight, where we pick for the year. Any suggestions or recommendations? 


I am Thinking...

Way. Too. Much.


 I am Creating...

An organized home.  Before we attempt one last trip to see my parents, there is a list of things I need to accomplish.  I would warn that blogging will be scarce these next few weeks, but who am I kidding.  Scarce and blogging have been synonymous around here for awhile.  That's ok!  I'm connecting where I need to connect, and accomplishing what needs to get accomplished.



On my iPod...

Looking at these, and getting excited.
In the meantime, Action Man has absconded the iPod and has discovered the wonderful world of old time radio shows like The Shadow and such.  Also, the inglorious music of Green Day.  Hmmmm.  Time for him to get himself a new mp3 player?


Towards a Real Education...

We are ditching the state-funded curriculum this year and joining our local, wonderful home school co-op.  The parent orientation meeting was last week.  The kids will be doing some amazing work together.  I am so very excited!


Towards Rhythm and Beauty...

De-clutter, organize, and clean.  De-clutter, organize, and clean.  De-clutter, organize, and clean. That's my mantra this week.


I am Hoping and Praying...

For Lil Sis.  Lots of excitement on the horizon. God has been doing some amazing things this past week.  It really defies all human explanation.  And is so inspiring for this sometimes-world-weary Mama.


Around the House...

That whole de-clutter and organize thing.  Plus a few projects to boost the look of the place, esp the home school room.  Master bathroom will be finished in a few weeks.  To say I am tired of having a shop vac and other various tools strewn throughout my bedroom would be an understatement.  I can't wait to have it all completed!! (And neither can DH, poor man.  He's been working like crazy, and just needs a break!)


From the Kitchen...

Birthday cake and tortilla soup for dinner for Sports Fan.  Never mind that it will be 105 today.  :P



One of my Favorite Things...

11 year old boys who still love Playmobil.



A Few Plans for the Rest of the Week...

Birthday dinner, book club, out of town dinner guests, and lots of house projects.
Perfect for these dog days of summer!


:)

It's A...

B oisterous, (kicking his Mama constantly....)

O ver-joyed, (his siblings, are, anyway...)

Y oungin'. (exactly 5 months!)



We are very excited!!

:)

Little Miracles

As I stumble throughout my days, counting down to the magic "12 week" mark when I can finally eat... and breathe... and enjoy my expanding belly...

I have to admit I haven't been the happiest of campers.

I am so thrilled that this new life is growing inside me... it's just that the physical side effects have left me weakened.  I don't do "weak" well.

Who does?

So, yes, I have been discouraged.  And dismayed.  And disgusted.  Crawling uphill, with no respite in sight.  Tons to do and no energy.  Dragging through my days and not feeling God's push.  Praying, and then forgetting my prayer.

Until today. God showed me today how much He loves me, by allowing other people to love me.

~Today, a wonderful friend of Lil Sis' came over.  She needed pictures of the kids for a class project, and wanted to take care of them for awhile so I could rest.  She came bearing cupcakes.  The kids were ecstatic.  Just as I was about to retire, she pulled out a bag... a huge bag... of brand new, customized crocs.  One pair for each of us.  I couldn't believe my eyes. She works at one of their stores and gets a discount.  She accessorized each pair according to the kids' personalities. They are so awesome. The kids haven't taken them off.

~Also today,  after enduring enjoying 3 hockey games compliments of my boys, I came home to a miraculous e-mail. You see, the awesome camp my kids attend every year is having registration this week.  It's hierarchical.  And since we do not belong to the parish, or the school, I really have to be on track with getting our forms in pronto.  Well, being sick and scatter-brained... I totally dropped the ball.  I sent an e-mail to the guy in charge, asking if there was any room left at all.  His response?  Can't have a camp without the Nutty Family.  Attached are the forms.  Get them to me ASAP.

 Tiny, small miracles.  But how they have boosted my spirits today!  When I e-mailed the head of the camp, exclaiming my gratitude and telling him how we all thought it a miracle, he summed it up perfectly:

Our God is a God of miracles.
I hope the children learn to expect them with a total sold-out faith.

Amen. (And maybe the Mama can begin to learn that, too...)

:)

Piled Up

We all have them.

Piles of clutter that we vow to deal with... get rid of.... clean out of our lives already.

Someday.

Where are these piles?

Of what do they consist?

Nothing material, certainly.

Light as feathers, they weigh only on our minds...
taking our thoughts and holding them hostage.
Capturing our spirit and weighing it down.

But surely, these thoughts... are weightless?

Yes, of course.

Light as falling snow.


















Our neighbor's tree, after enduring 12 inches of heavy wet snow...
one little flake at a time....
thankfully, no-one was hurt!

A New Me?

'Tis that time of year for us bloggers to get all philosophical about the upcoming year and how we will change. There have been a lot of fantastic posts on this, ones I am sincerely taking to heart... in fact, they are all there on my sidebar. And I appreciate the wisdom and simplicity of these posts, all surrounding one word.

Yes.

Still.

Now.

I love these ideas. And, unbeknownst to me, I have been practicing them since the New Year began! How is that? Well... I've had the stomach flu.

:P

Seriously, there is nothing like a nasty virus that knocks you on your back to make a person slow down and think. Think about what is truly necessary, what is truly important, and what really and truly must be accomplished to survive the day. Luckily for me, DH did all of what needed to be done, and I got the luxury of moaning and reading and playing speed with Little Love.

I practiced "Yes" when she asked me to play and read stories and snuggle. (why that child has not gotten sick is beyond me... keeping my fingers crossed!) I practiced "Still" for two entire days. I was exhausted (dehydrated, more like it) dizzy and incredibly woozy.( I'm still not 100%, this is going to take awhile.) So, my "stillness" will not be a fleeting thing. The "Now" is ongoing. DH took the rest of the kids to a hockey game today (Little Boo went in my stead) and I got to say "Yes" to all of Little Love's whims of going out to lunch and visiting a few playgrounds before settling at home with a movie. At each stop, the "Now" was constant. Little Love is a chatter box, and a delightful one at that. We were in eternal conversation-mode, and it was lovely. I had no choice but to be completely present... and it was interesting, since I am not used to focusing on one child/event at a time. Like other moms, I multi-task quite well... what a concept this was!
Am I changed? A bit. I think every new experience alters a person's perspective. Have I changed forever? Ah, the Pollyanna in me wishes that were the case! But, I know myself, my tendencies... don't we all?
And here's the key... for me, at least. I know me. He knows me. In fact, He knows me better than I ever will. So, no-one, except He (and me) will ever ever be able to change me. And that is where my focus needs to be if I will ever exact a change from these stubborn old bones. Nothing new? Of course not. Read Ecclesiastes 1:9.

There's nothing new under the sun.

And so we begin. I begin. To find my way.
To say Yes.
To practice Still.
To be Now.

And probably mess it all up royally along the way.
;P

But He knows.
And He will help.
Because He is all that matters in the end.

And there is an awful lot of comfort in that.

:)

Good Shepherds

After this post, we had despaired that all hope was lost for our vibrant Catholic community.

We even tried out a different local parish of the Byzantine rite, thinking that my Polish roots might feel drawn to this particular genre of worship.

Unfortunately, my DH's Scottish roots don't agree with my Polish roots. Well, not on this point anyway.
:)

We come home that afternoon to find a lifeline.

Literally.

The Bishop of our diocese along with the Bishop of the neighboring diocese had issued a joint statement "to dispel the confusion among faithful in their diocese concerning teaching in Forming Consciences for Faithful Citizenship."

This paragraph, specifically, eased the pain in my heart with regard to comparing abortion to war and helping the poor:

But let us be clear: issues of prudential judgment are not morally equivalent to issues involving intrinsic evils. No matter how right a given candidate is on any of these issues, it does not outweigh a candidate's unacceptable position in favor of an intrinsic evil such as abortion or the protection of "abortion rights." (emphasis theirs!)

I'm saying many prayers of thanksgiving for our very Good Shepherds.


:)

And BTW?

After watching the RNC last night?

I am totally loving Mrs. Sarah Palin.

She is tough. after enduring cheap shots by Obama's campaign and the relentless media, she delivered a few punches of her own. She's got a wicked smirk, and I love the fire in her eyes.

She is articulate. And classy. That "out-dated hairdo" that some idiot sniped about today? (madly scrambling for something to criticize her on...) Just you watch, buddy. It's gonna be all the rage.

I am convinced that she can totally handle whatever comes her way.

I believe that a new "Conservative Feminism" will emerge with her Vice-Presidency. Society will realize something that we moms in the trenches have known all along. That having babies and loving our families fiercely does not make us weak. It makes us strong. It makes us fight for a better community, a better town, a better country and a better world.

We have something near and dear to our hearts that is worth fighting for.

The future of our precious children.

:)

The 2008-2009 Home School Year at the Nut-House

We're re-vamping our home school over here at the Nut-House.

After listening to my litany of guilt for the past 4 years, DH stepped in and took charge. He enrolled the older 3 in the Texas Virtual Academy, an online charter school that uses the K12 program inspired by William Bennett.

After the registration and the testing, I spoke with our contact and was almost brought to tears with gratitude.

They will be sending us everything: books, workbooks, computer, printer, science experiment equipment... everything. Free of charge.

They will provide the lesson plans, the support, the field trips, the conferences... free of charge.

And the best part? They will pay for Action Man's dyslexia tutoring, something that we have only been able to afford once a month. Now it will be available to him once a week.

Hence, the tears of gratitude.

My role has been reduced to that of a teacher's aide. I will be here to help the kids with their work, to send it in, and chat with their teacher twice a month. I really am fine with that, since the juggling of many hats has become a bit overwhelming.

I am blogging all of this with a hint of trepidation, however.

I'm afraid this might start quite a debate as to the authenticity of home schooling. What is true home schooling, and what is not?

Have I lost "home-schooler status" in your eyes? Are my children going to hell in a hand basket because I am not spending countless hours and oodles of money haggling over a curriculum plan this summer? I seriously used to take great pride in the fact that I was an "eclectic" home schooler. I saw, I spent, I planned, and then I had major burn out.... every year. But, by golly, we were home schooling!

How ridiculous.

The main point is, I've been worried. Worried beyond rational thought that my kids were not being challenged, and were not progressing the way they could be, and should be. Nothing anyone could say appeased me. In fact, I know they are behind. And I am convinced that my kids need to really understand and experience that schooling is not an optional activity, that it is necessary.

Has my family lost the joy of learning? Has my home been turned into a sea of workbooks and dry textbooks?

Heaven help us, I hope not!

I don't know how much free time we will have. I'm not sure if impromptu trips to the lake will be possible. But I do know that the learning atmosphere will never leave our home just because our curriculum choice this year is a bit more rigorous and requires more accountability.

Here's how I know:

Last week, DH and I went on a date. We ate dinner at an awesome Mediterranean grill, and afterwards, we sauntered next door to the used bookstore. My all-time favorite section is labeled "nostalgia". Here they have beautiful hard cover books for children that were written in the late '40s. Among the $50 we spent (!! no wonder our budget gets blown every week...) The best find was a picture book entitled This Is The World, by Josephine van Dolzen Pease, copyright 1944. What a beautiful book, written especially for the likes of my Littles Love and Boo, to simply explain the wonders of the earth, sun, land, water and people. With titles such as "Oh, What a Wonderful Ball!" to introduce the earth, and "Ride, Cowboy, Ride!" to engage their thoughts about the land... it is a perfect living book.

I will never lose that eagerness to share knowledge in a gentle and fun way. I simply believe that the needs of our family have changed. I hope and pray that this is the answer for us. While some may disagree with our chosen method, I am completely at peace, and quite eager for this new adventure in our home schooling journey.

:)

For All the Northerners...

... who keep blowing their cold air down to us Southerners....

STOP IT

:)

Being a native Northerner myself, I can sympathize with your desire for sun. And warmth. And all things Spring.

So, this is for you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you.





















And most especially, you. You especially need these.
















:)

So Long... Farewell!

I will be *choke*gasp* internet-less for the next week.

(swooning)

It will probably be the most productive week I've had in 2 and 1/2 years.

:)


And so, I leave you with a few last pictures of our (soon-to-be) former Nut House:






































































We are all set to go!

:)

"I heard the killers call my name."

Thus begins the gripping story penned and lived out by Immaculee Ilibagiza in Left to Tell.

I opened the book with much trepidation.

I had heard it was a story of miraculous survival, and heart wrenching pain. I knew it to be an incredible feat that this woman, along with seven others, had been able to survive the holocaust by hiding in a bathroom for three months.

In fact, when I chose it for my own book club, there were many audible gasps, a few quips of "that should be uplifting, eh?" and even one or two women who had actually heard of the book and were eager to read it.

I was able to read most of her story before I broke down and had to pause for a few days.

It wasn't when she had to tell her younger brother to leave the safety of the Pastor's home.

Nor when she learned how her older brother had been so very brave before they split his head open.

Nor even when she went home and gave her family their proper burials.

No.

These events were agonizing, heart-breaking, and unbelievably horrific.

The part that touched me the most was her love, and her forgiveness.

"I wept at the sight of his suffering. Felicien had let the devil enter his heart, and the evil had ruined his life like a cancer in his soul. He was now the victim of his victims, destined to live in torment and regret. I was overwhelmed with pity for the man."

"I could feel his shame. He looked up at me for only a moment, but our eyes met. I reached out, touched his hands lightly, and quietly said what I'd come to say: 'I forgive you.'"

This visit to the prison cell was inspired by a dream she has in which she is able to visit with her family in heaven. Her brother Damascene chides her for her sorrow, saying that her family is happy now, and she must heal her heart, find love, and forgive those who had hurt them.

The beauty of this dream, and the love that fills Immaculee's heart, and the courage she showed in returning to her village to confront and forgive the killers, was too much for me. Reading, as I was, while standing in the kitchen making lunch one day, I choked back the tears and put the book away for a few days.

It was one of those moments when the divine plan is shown in the human context and my brain is able to wrap around it for an instant... and the beauty and the peace and the joy is too much for this mortal intellect.

***************************************************************************

Immaculee sees clearly the struggle that lies ahead for Rwanda. As the perpetrators of the genocide are released and return to their homes, the battle for peace in Rwanda will begin. The survivors of the holocaust will once again be neighbors with those who perpetuated the violence and the killings. And the only way out of this cycle of violence is forgiveness.

This golden thread of forgiveness is so very crucial for all of us.

No, I have never had to endure a genocide or a holocaust of any sort.

But, the slight of friends, the unintentional hurts of loved-ones, or maybe even a hurt from someone that was very much intentioned? We all have these. And we all have a choice.

We can sit in our accounting rooms and, much like Ebenezer Scrooge, count and re-count the instances in which we have been wronged, stacking and re-arranging the different scenarios and re-live the anger of the injustice, our hearts and souls shrinking into blackness.

Or, we can forgive.

Immaculee shows us that it is not instantaneous. It is not easy. But it is possible.

And it will free us and make us able to love as God loves... not counting the cost, not keeping score... unconditionally, with the true good of the other foremost in our hearts.


The love of a single heart can make a world of difference... ~Immaculee

**********************************************************************

Please visit these women who wrote their own excellent reviews:

Elizabeth,

Barbara,

Mom of Boys,

And Emily.

I Cannot Wait...

... for the morning temperatures to require a sweatshirt.

... for my morning coffee not to require ice cubes.


... for the cold tap water to actually be cold.

... for the shorts to cycle out of the wash loads forever. (or at least a few months)

... in brief? For this to make it's way down here.

Come on, Fall!!

:)

Virtual Life Catching up with Real...

... life, that is.

So, things around the Nut-House have been rather....uh...... nutty lately.

A few weeks ago, our realtor-friend called and asked if he could show our house to one of his clients.

Are we officially trying to sell our home?

Um, no.

But we are always up for insanity change, and so we agreed. (but it's never that easy, is it? Oh no, lets leave out the fact that I found out about this "showing" while at a friend's home 30 min away. I had approximately 40 min to clean once I got home, and when I opened the door, the house looked like some huge tornadic activity had occurred... just my children, that's all. ergh.)

Of course, they loved our home. And, though nothing is in writing, it seems our house is the house for them.

Huh?

Ooooookay, I think.

That's....
actually....
great!

I mean, we've tried to sell our house a few times before, and nothing. Nada. Zilch. In this housing market, it's good to sell your house so quickly. In fact, it's pretty much unheard-of.

And, so, I am very grateful. And still praying like crazy that it comes through. (saying the St. Joseph Novena prayer 9 times a day for 9 days does count for 9 novenas, right? thought so.)

But then what? We have been perusing the real estate web sites and have found nothing. Nada. Zilch.

Lovely.

And our realtor-friend is just as thrilled. Took us a year to find our current house. He just looooooves finding a home for us. Poor man.

:)

So, pray, my holy friends. Pray that this deal goes through. Pray that we find the perfect home for us. It doesn't have to be right away. We may just have to spend some time in beautiful Colorado with my folks, homeschooling to the backdrop of mountain vistas... (rough life, I know)

Pray for my peace of mind. God is definitely in control. I never would have seen this coming. He has a plan, and I'm trying not to freak out too much...

Thanks!

Removing the slivers from our feet...

The slivers from all of the eggshells we've been stepping on lately, that is.

Action Man has completed his week of intense therapy for his dyslexia. And what a week it has been.

DH would drop him off every morning at 8:30am and the kids and I would pick him up at 3pm. In between those two times, Action Man would be one-on-one with his teacher, learning how to:

~anchor his minds' eye.

~control his energy dial

~form letters properly by doing all of them in clay first, then writing them. Perfectly. On the first try.

~learn certain vocabulary words that have meant nothing to him, like cause and effect, before and after, consequence and responsibility... by creating pictures out of clay, forming the word itself out of clay, then spelling it forwards and backwards. And remembering it all. The definition and the spelling. Perfectly.

~these vocab words are done to help the dyslexic child "see" how their actions affect others. This has been hard for Action Man, but the concept has been introduced, and we have already noticed some progress in this area.

But it has taken it's toll.

On him, and us.

By Tuesday afternoon, the little man was so exhausted, he had a bit of a meltdown. I knew he was tired, and so I just talked him through it, as patiently and rationally as I could. It took all of my strength to combat the irritation, anger, and frustration that was welling up in me. Especially after his statements that his newly-taught methods "don't work" and his teacher is "wrong" etc. (after all that money? I thought... they better work!)

Wednesday evening, he started down the same path. I looked him in the eye and told him to cut the crap. (sometimes I am such a sympathetic, nurturing mother, don'tyathink?) I told him we had already discussed all of his concerns the night before, and that I was going out with a friend and he needed to get in bed.

Thursday afternoon was the choking incident at our friend's pool. Lovely, eh? To be fair, the little friend was being rather nasty, and Action Man will only take so much before he lashes out. But, obviously, choking his friend was a bit of an overreaction. Hence the phone call that evening. (and he was hauled out of the pool and we went home, pronto.)

Friday morning, I drove him to his teacher and stayed to receive some training myself. You see, this is not just a one week crash course, but an extensive on-going re-training of his mind. Obviously, this takes time, and his teacher doesn't need to be there for all of it, but she sets the ground work so that the rest can be accomplished. I learned how to do his "koosh ball" exercise, and his vocabulary "trigger" words... the words he needs to look up and create and spell in clay. He has 219 of these words to do. On top of that, she will take him for two more days in September to do the Math part of it.

Did I mention it was intense?

But, it is worth it.

As soon as we came home Friday morning, Little Love was all over me and wanted to go outside and have me hold her hand... etc. But DH and I needed to chat, so I turned to Action Man and asked if he could hold Little Love's hand and take her outside. He said; "Oh, sure." And did. Very lovingly. And lately, he's been able to play with the girls and not get angry unnecessarily. In fact, there are many times when someone says something and I glance at him, certain that he will flare up in indignation... only to see him calmly sitting, energy dial on the proper setting, enjoying the banter.

Picking the slivers out, yes. But slowly.

We still have a long way to go.

:)

Thank You

For all of the thoughts and prayers, and e-mails and phone calls. I appreciate them very much. It lifts the spirit and comforts the soul.

And helps the healing.


My grieving will be kept private, however, and my many questions about the whys and wherefores of this miscarriage will (hopefully) be answered in time with many discussions and mapping out of options and methods with my doctors. For right now, though, I'll be circling the wagons with my kiddos as we get through this together. They have also suffered a loss. Some are more aware of it than others, but we need to deal with it all together.

My friend Lisa delivered her precious princess this afternoon via c-section. Mom and baby are well. I am relieved and grateful.

In the meantime, I will be reminiscing about our truly marvelous time up north. There are many anecdotes I am eager to share, many joyful and fun-filled visits, and of course, oodles of pictures.

Thanks again, my dear friends. I truly am grateful for the many true friendships I have....

:)

A New Life... and An Angel in Heaven.

Two women woke up this morning, making ready for a visit to their ob/gyn.

One is 9 months pregnant, bursting with the new life that is ready to enter the world. Her 6 other children crowd around her to see her off, eager to see and hold their new baby sister... She is being held up in prayer today by so many, as she and her husband journey to the hospital.

Joy and love and hope.

The other woman is newly pregnant, and very nervous. Her 5 children have been told that it looks like the baby has died, and her trip to the ob this morning is to confirm this. The joy and hope that had surrounded her and her friends and family these past few weeks has given way to sorrow and fear, and then acceptance.

God's will in all things.

The first woman is my best friend, Lisa. We expect a phone call soon to tell us of the birth of their new daughter, our goddaughter. She has been in our prayers all day. I wish I could be there...

The second woman, as you might have guessed, is me. The "exciting news" I had wanted to share was of this unexpected joy of a new life. Unfortunately, God's will has been to postpone this new addition and we are devastated. Yesterday was the hardest, since by the afternoon it was obvious that this little one was not going to make it. Today I am better, more accepting and trusting, but it's still hard.

Pray for us.

And pray for my friend, Lisa. What hope and joy and love will surround that little one when she makes her appearance! I can't wait to see her and hold her.

What comfort.

We Must Be Holy or Somethin'

We have been asked by two wonderful couples to be the god-parents of their precious little treasures. Here we are at the baptism of the first little one:





























And so little Quentin Steven John has joined the communion of saints here on earth. I got to hold him throughout the reception whilst my poor DH had to run ragged after our own kiddos... it's been a long time since I could use the "but I'm holding the baby!" excuse....

:)

The next little bundle is due at the end of June. How exciting!