Daybook: On a Cold Monday Evening

Noticing God's Glory~

One more cold evening... at least for the week. It's funny how it doesn't get super dark these nights. Almost like you could play outside at 9pm, just like in the summer. Very strange.


Listening To~

Erm. Party Rock Anthem. It's kitchen clean up time.
;)



Clothing myself in~

American Eagle Artist jeans, scoop-neck shirt, cowboy boots. Pearl earrings and hair down.
I'm also nursing a Smirnoff. It's been a day.


Giving thanks for~

Heated homes. Food aplenty. DH's job.  I saw a woman rummaging through the recycling bags set out for collection today, looking for cans to redeem. Made me sad, and very grateful.


Pondering prayerfully~

God does not show Himself equally to all creatures. This does not mean that He has favorites, that He decides to help some and to abandon others, but the difference occurs because it is impossible for Him to manifest Himself to certain hearts under the conditions they set up. The sunlight plays no favorites, but its reflection is very different on a lake and on a swamp.    ~Fulton Sheen

Trying so hard to be that crystal clear lake.


Turning the pages~

Five for Sorrow, Ten For Joy.  For bookclub.



Thinking thoughts as I go about my day~

I had a New Year's resolution this year. I still do have it. Surprise, surprise. :)
It is "To do all things well."
I have a tendency to declare good enough and move on. Given my vocation and how crazy it can be around here, there are many times I need to declare good enough and move on. I certainly can't afford perfectionism.
However, there are also times I declare good enough when it isn't even close to good enough.
Doing all things well does not mean perfectionism, but a focused, intentional way of living. To really think about what I am doing, who I am doing it for, and why.
All of my tasks should be done well.
And yes, it's harder than you think.
:)


Creating~

Order. As usual. It's a beast I contend with daily.


Learning lessons in~

Prudence. Holding my tongue. Keeping my trap shut? Yes, that's it.
Oh, and being cheerful about it.
:)


Encouraging learning~

Had to send a note to Little Boo's teacher. She's young, a bit inexperienced and was not being prudent in the classroom regarding Little Boo's difficulties with Math.
Now we are on the same page, and Little Boo should see some improvement in her understanding of this enigmatic subject. 
As always, I am very impressed with the school, it's teachers and administration. I try not to be the helicopter parent, and they bend over backwards to take care of concerns promptly.
It's really a win-win.



Carefully cultivating rhythm~

The re-entry for the school kids is hard at the end of a long day. I try to make it painless, but squabbles inevitably erupt. I know they need some down time, but they can't ignore their other siblings.
Any advice? 


In the kitchen~

DH is working late, so it's chicken nuggets and corn on the cob. I take it easy on these nights because, truly, they are never "easy."  


Loving the moments~

When I look up from my duties and see Little Dude being totally occupied by one of his older siblings. They play chase with him, or ball, or simply scoop him up and dance him around. And I think they enjoy it more than he does.
Yes, he is spoiled but you know what? So are they.
:)


Living the liturgy~

Lent is coming. And boy, do we ever need it.


Planning for the week ahead~

Tuesday Valentine parties... at school and at home. Funny how things are amped up for the at-home kids when the others are in school. Trying to keep that score sheet even... :P


Capturing the images of my days~


A little hockey lesson...

Plus some big sister time...

Equals...


One very happy Little Dude.

:)

Building Up

I just don't want to get in the way of who my kids are supposed to be. 


An older mom in my bookclub summed up her parenting philosophy in this one sentence. She, who has 2 daughters married, 4 grandchildren, and her youngest a mere 8 years old, is always someone I keep tabs on. I listen extra hard when she speaks. I like her family, love her kids, and want to know more, always more. But she is reluctant. She doesn't have all the answers...


Not a single one of us does.


I look back at the early years with my most erm... challenging.... child. That would be Little Boo.

She entered the world innocently enough.


Then, as she grew older, and her personality emerged, she totally rocked it.

She became THAT child.

The child who needed to push the buttons on the microwave to warm her bottle.
The child who would put her own shirt on, backwards if need be thankyouverymuch.

The child who could feed herself, climb up and down from the table by herself, and wash her hands... all by herself.

The child who insisted on buckling herself in her car seat. Even though she had tried 24 times to do it and failed. Even though her siblings were ready to scream in frustration. Even though her mom wanted to leave, no one was allowed to MOVE (esp the car... don't even THINK about inching down the driveway while she's attempting time #25...) until she is securely buckled. (damn those 3-point harnesses)

THAT was my Little Boo.

And now....

Now, my Little Boo is a true joy, genuinely funny, and a real help. She comes out with the best comments. She has a hilarious outlook on life. She was a huge help with Little Dude during his fussiest moments. And lately, she has been known to come home from school, dump her stuff in the home school room, and scrub the entire kitchen top to bottom. Just because she wanted to.

How did this metamorphosis occur?

I wish I had an answer. I wish I could say I followed thus and such philosophy of parenting. I wish I could point you to THAT book that was the key to our seeming (read: insert huge disclaimer here) success.

It was nothing I did. I think it was more what I didn't do.

I went with it. Whatever she thought she could do, as long as it wasn't dangerous, I let her do it.
Case in point...  At the age of 2, she was climbing in and out of her crib at 3 in the morning, turning all the lights on in the house and playing. To me, that was dangerous. She could have probably opened the front door and walked down the street. So, we bought a crib tent and zipped her in it every night.
But by the age of 3 and a half? She slept on the top bunk of the bunk beds she shared with Little Dear. I knew she could climb steadily and would not fall. She was definitely the more sure-footed one of the two. And? She stayed in bed... no night time wanderings.

The car seat fiascos? Sigh. Yes.... every time we had to go somewhere, we got in the car 15 minutes before we had to leave just so she could buckle herself. I know some of you are shaking your heads... sucker, you are saying. Well, Little Boo would scream for HOURS if I buckled her in. Trust me, we tried quite a few times... and I do NOT exaggerate. It would be HOURS of shrill screaming. An extra 15 minutes was worth hours of peace and happiness, as far as I was concerned.

I guess my philosophy was a lot like the mom I admire. I didn't want to break Little Boo's spirit. I didn't want to mess it up. I wanted to form her and mold her as best as my fumbling hands could. 

I'm not perfect. I know there were things I could have done better. But God has abundantly blessed my meager efforts. Little Boo is a very driven little girl. She is super organized, and very diligent with her school work. So much so that putting her in school was a necessity. The fluidity of homeschooling would have killed her. It was, in fact, frustrating her to no end.

Her competitiveness is apparent on the soccer field. She plays on 2 teams, still. She loves it. And while she is competitive, she is also a fiercely loyal friend. If people are not kind, or the other team is too rough, she goes into defensive mode like nobody's business. She sticks up for her friends and gives back what the other team dishes out. She is not afraid to make a stand.

Her gentleness reveals itself in her ability to identify with others and their feelings. She is very sensitive, and sometimes with her hilarious comments and toughie exterior, I forget that. But she senses when others have been wronged, and comes to me... concerned. She doesn't always get it right. Sometimes she makes assumptions about intentions that aren't there... we are working on that. But at least her intuition is being honed. And I love that she feels comfortable enough to chat with me about it all.


They are all so delightfully unique. And there are no pat answers.
If you have your own Little Boo, and are in the thick of it... hang in there!
I know it can be daunting....

And yet... the peace of knowing that no matter what, God blesses our efforts, He knows our hearts...

When we get a glimpse of the fruits? It's such an awesome thing.

:)

When Approaching This Child... A Repost

from the archives...



Looking back at the change that has taken place in me these past 14 years, the transformation from a know-it-all college grad into a full-fledged mother... I am astounded.

Astounded that God has taken a self- absorbed, self-seeking individual and achieved a metamorphosis that seemed at one time to be impossible.

When DH and I were first married, it seemed a natural result of the love we had for each other, to extend it to a third party. Within our first month of marriage, we acquired a cat.

:)

To our defense, we were eager to have children, but God's timing was to postpone that event. Of course, He truly knew best. We conceived Action Man at the end of my first year teaching, and gave birth to him during my second year. I squeaked through that year, bringing him to school with me, directing the play, and just barely surviving the insanity of it all. DH graduated with his MBA, and I never worked outside of the home again.

My work took what I thought to be an alarming turn. You'd think that being the oldest of 6, I would have some sort of an inkling of what I was getting myself into.

Nope. I was pretty clueless. (remember how self-centered I said I was?? yeah. God had his work cut out for Him.)

And so, when Action Man reared his screaming head, I was stunned. I was even more flabbergasted when I realized that this screaming thing was here to stay. God had seen fit to bless my first born with a severe case of colic. Unable to nurse, spending gobs of money on formula, working my tail off while recovering from an emergency c-section, I was a wreck.

In short, God threw me to my knees.

Which is where He wanted me all along.

In blessing me with such a needy child, and then 2 more births in quick succession, God was going cold turkey on me in the selfishness cure. No "miracle patch" for me. No siree. I suddenly found myself surrounded by irrationality with no time to read, write or pee. My only vivid memory of that time was the three of them: Action Man, Sports Fan and Little Dear (ages almost 3, 1, and 2 months respectively) lined up on my bed, ready for their diaper change. Yes, three in diapers at once. It's quite a war story.

It's also a love story.

God was pursuing me. He sought to change me, to mold me into something better, a more productive worker for the harvest of souls. He knew that the only way he could force me outside of myself was to place a loved one in my care. And just for insurance, to place many little loved ones in my care. He knew that a mother cannot ignore the needs of her child. That the midnight wail, the hourly call to duty would not fail to re-mold a heart hardened by selfishness. That the first bend to another happens automatically in the will of a new mother. An eagerness to serve, to soothe the cries and nourish the heart, soul, and stomach of this precious child comes first without a second thought.

Until, overnight it seems, this clueless 20-something woman is transformed.

It is no wonder, then, that the awesomeness of God comes to us in the tender form of the infant Jesus. Who can deny Him his due? Who can turn away from His cries? Who can refuse Him?

“There is nothing more mysterious than infancy, nothing so small and yet so imperious. The infancy of Christ has opened a way to us by which we can surrender self to Him absolutely, without putting too much pressure on our weak human nature.”

(Wood of the Cradle, Wood of the Cross)

God, in His all-knowing, all-merciful way, chooses to come to us humbled and makes it easy for us to submit. He coaxes us to bend our ways ever so gently towards His will by having us first gaze into the eyes of the Christ-Child. We forget ourselves and all of our grandiose plans, and instead look for ways to please this most precious infant, even to the point of radically re-shaping our entire lives.

:)

Guess Who Turns ONE Today...

I know. It's amazing.

Simply amazing how time flies...

:)

Winter's Debut

I'm wearing my summer uniform.  Khaki shorts and cowl-neck sleeveless shirt. My crocs are well-worn, and my feet betray their roughness.  Too much exposure, too much sun... freckles abound on my skin.

It's been summer forever.

I hear the kids running around outside. The breeze has shifted today, ever so slowly, ever so subtly.  And now, at 7pm, there is a distinct chill in the air.

Little Dude toddles outside in his bare feet. Chubby legs take him all over the driveway, halting at the thick grass. He listens to the whoops from the backyard... eager to join in, unsure how.  He reaches back for my hand, confident that I will be there. Off we go, tromping through the grass to join the fun.

This is our last hurrah of summer. Homework has been shelved for this one final jaunt.  Pretty soon the darkness and the cold air will keep us in. Our temperature is expected to drop 30 degrees overnight tonight, and a chill steady rain will fall all day tomorrow.  Our nighttime romps will be replaced by fire-lit nights filled with hot tea.  No more will the boys try to outrun the girls, evading capture in the twilight.  The games will move to the warmth of rug and hearth. Of hot cocoa and popcorn. Of games and stories.

But tonight, the night is theirs. And they shout and run and breathe the summer air.

One last long breath.


:)

True Love

The eyes... they are huge.  They sparkle and glisten, overflowing with love....

... and trust.

This little man, how he trusts.  All babies do, I know.  The Papa stands on the sidelines, tossing him high as the nearby mothers gasp.  Little Dude laughs.  Big belly laughs.  The mamas smile and continue their chatting.

Big sisters perch him on the couch, talking and talking to him.  He smiles, adoring. Listening to everything they say, laughing at their inflections.  I pass by and pause.  Then implore... hold him tight.
Please, do not let him fall.
He is too close to the edge... put your hand out....

And they do. 

Papa holds him at dinner.  And those eyes, they search.  Each member of the family, seeking... seeking...

And then, those beautiful eyes find mine, and the lopsided grin grows wide.  Wider than possible for a little man so small.

His eyes sparkle and mine glisten. 

True love.

:)

Gemma These Days

Gemma is our Little Dear. Only 10 years old, she sometimes has the disposition of a 13 year old... what with all the requests for music and clothes and such.  Although my good friend Lisa tells me that when she actually does get to that age, it will be nothing like it is now.

Hmmm.  Can't wait.

:P

My Gemma Dear has an artistic soul.  She has always been drawn to acute observation... and then she will proceed to talk talk talk about it.  She loves to create.  Painting, drawing, crafts, cooking, baking... she is adept at spinning things into beauty.  It is quite a hurdle for this craft-challenged Mama to keep her occupied.

Gemma also has a heart of gold.  She is a true friend.  Never one to disparage others, she is fiercely loyal.  And will always give her friends the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes to a fault.  She is just like her Mama in this way.  It hurts to see her hurting due to the thoughtlessness of others.  That these other girls do not fully understand the treasure that is her friendship, that her heart has been thrown to the side in the name of "popularity".  Yes, even among home schoolers there can be a pecking order.  She is young for her grade level, and the friends in her co-op are much wiser in the lingo of "growing up."  It's just a hard age, I'm afraid.

All of this comes down to my relationship with her.  How hard it can be for me sometimes to look past the fact that she has told me the same story everyday for the past week.  To see her excitement for crafts and special times together as an opportunity to bond, not another chore I must complete.  Her desire to be close to me, to bring me in as a confidant, is something I need to foster and encourage.  I'm working on it.  And the rewards of our relationship have become apparent.

This oldest daughter of mine is a gem, as her name implies. She is sweet and honest.  Open about her hopes and dreams, innocent in her loves and wishes.  Her questions are refreshingly innocent.  And her heart is pure.

It's a lovely thing to behold.

Lovely.  Just like her.


:)

Beth These Days

Beth (Elizabeth) is our Little Boo. And what a Little Boo she is.

She is the source of most of the hilarity around here, both good and bad.  She will mercilessly tease all of her siblings... yes, even the 13 year old, and then turn around and do something totally precious like, make Little Love some lunch, or change the baby's diaper.  She is so fickle that way.

Not to mention the gems that issue forth from her mouth.  When she learned of my Grandma's passing, she turned to mom and asked; "Is she the lady who lost her marbles?"
My Grandmother had alzheimers.
Nothing like a little humor to lighten the moment. 

:P

At the tender age of 8, Beth really is an old soul.  She has decided, all on her own, to keep her room neat.  So, when visiting my parents, she took it upon herself to clean the kids' room every morning.  She picked up the clothes and toys and made all the beds.  My mother was thrilled that at least one grandchild had inherited her gene of cleanliness and order!

Beth also has undertaken the task of acquiring a love of reading.  She sees her siblings with a book going every day.  She is determined to do the same.  And so there is a stack by her bedside, from which she reads incessantly, and keeps me apprised of her accomplishments. 

My Bethie Boo is becoming quite the soccer player.  She has been asked to play select in the spring. My little spitfire, the captain of her team, is now in the big leagues.  Well, sort of.  When bringing her to her first practice, she asked me if this was a "Spanish" team.  Indeed, she is the only caucasian on the team!  This only bothers her, she told me, when the girls speak Spanish to each other.  So, she says, she just needs to learn Spanish.  Simple, huh?

This girl has taught me so much about the overwhelming ferocity of love and determination.  She works with such concentration and will.  Her spirit is alive and infectious.  I am so happy to report that despite my lack of parenting skills, she thrives.  And how she thrives!

What a privilege it is to be her mom.

And how I look forward to witnessing all God has in store for this little girl.

:)

Mae These Days

Mae is our Little Love.  Named after my grandmother*, Mae reminds me so much of her. She is funny and charming.  A bit of a spitfire, but with a heart of gold.  She is my first girl to collapse into tears, just really sob, when someone teases her. I am learning to guard her heart fiercely... while trying to teach her not to take herself so seriously.(or... sewiouswy... as she would say)

:P

At the age of 6, Mae-love (see where she gets her blog name?) is oscillating between wanting to be my baby girl and wanting to do all that the older girls are allowed to do.  She gets frustrated by the razor's edge she must continually walk.  And I sometimes wonder if I am not protecting her just a little too much. Maybe she should be able to do more and explore the world around her a little more freely.  But the thought of unseen dangers keeps her close to home.

Maisy Daisy (another nickname... cute, huh?) is such a smarty. And I'll be the first to admit that any one of my children is not very bright.  But this girl picks things up quickly, and remembers them.  She blurts out letter sounds and math facts and placement of States before her big sister can even start to open her mouth. But this awareness has it's downfalls.  Super sensitive, she will bristle and howl when there is even of hint of teasing or ridicule in a sibling's tone.  She picks up on the slightest bit of sarcasm and reacts strongly.  It gets a little trying for this Mama, dealing with all of her battle wounds.

Mae has stepped into the role of big sister with pride.  She hauls Brynach around like a pro, and has become quite territorial.  Between her and Little Boo, I feel like I need to make a sign up sheet and assign hours of the day for their baby care turns.

:P

My Maisy will always have that special place in my heart.  The place that is reserved for "The Baby Girl of the Family."  I never knew such a spot would exist, until this littlest girl came along.  But there is something super special about that last girl.  I can't quite put my finger on it, but every Mama knows.

She's just my Mae.  The sunshine of our family.

:)



*My grandmother passed just last week, on Dec. 27th. May she rest in eternal peace and love.

Brynach These Days

I've never published my kids real names.  Inadvertently, they may have popped up in the comments through family or close friends.  But I've always been vigilant about keeping them anonymous.  Always. But just this once, I'm going to break protocol and talk about each child by name.  Mostly because I want to remember this crazy time.  And also because we have many long distance family members who want to know, and long to see, our growing peanuts.

Brynach is our Little Dude.  Born just 7 short weeks ago.  He is, by far, the noisiest of the bunch... and the most needy.  Especially today.  The mama of the house got a whopping 3 hours of sleep last night thanks to his royal fussiness.  And today has not been promising in the nap department.  Thank goodness DH took the day off.  Too bad he thinks he did it for car repairing projects.

:P

Bryn is our precious gift.  Yes, even after a measly 3 hours of sleep I can still say that and actually mean it.  We didn't think our family would ever reach 6 children, and the fact that it did is such a blessing.  He has already stolen all of our hearts, and now repays our drooling attentiveness with drools of his own.  Cooing and occasionally even smiling, he is constantly the center of attention.

So much a part of the family, he has already been incorporated into the games of Little Love and Little Boo.  The other day as I folded laundry, the girls decided Bryn and I were aliens and they needed to "kidnap" the alien baby.  I was to walk over to his "happy chair" (as they call it) and "discover" he was missing.  As I did so, they ran away from behind the couch, giggling. I walked back to my laundry... only to discover Bryn tucked into one of the laundry baskets, perfectly cozy and content.  An unwitting playmate in their game.

Of course, he is simply beautiful.  I love his tender face, his half-drunk milk-drooly smile as he nurses.  His deep blue eyes seem so serious as he takes in his surroundings and processes what it all must mean.

And I want him to understand... it means you are loved, littlest one. 

So much loved.

It fills us all to the bursting.

:)

The Craziness of our Days

I want to remember this time... this blessed time when my entire life is ruled by a little man who is not yet two feet tall.  Who cannot even hold his own head up, and spits up constantly.  Who cuddles and snugs and makes the funniest faces when trying to wake up... and who is the center of our universe these days.


We are in survival mode here in the Nut House.  Those of you with little ones right now know (and are living out!) exactly what I mean.  Other Mamas of littles now grown will nod in remembrance.  It is a crazy time.  But a blessed time of crystal clear priorities...

~The baby is screaming, he must be picked up/changed/fed/held/rocked.

The dishes can wait.

~The children need some family time.  Some games/movies/mom-and-dad/special time....

The laundry can wait to be folded.  Need something? Look in the clean basket.

~Mama needs a shower today.  No, really, it has become a priority.  ;)

The vacuuming will be done later.  Please hold Little Dude, and pass him to another older sibling if he fusses.

~Nap time! Which equals tv time!

Yes, I know the children have been watching all morning.  One more hour this afternoon won't rot their brains too much.  I just need them in one place so I can rest and not worry.



And so it goes.  Our housecleaning is haphazard at best.  DH is trying not to do absolutely everything.  He is such a do-er though.  And the kids are being rallied to constantly step up more and more to help him out.  Sat night their reward was a trip to the movies, how DH managed to stay awake after running errands all day is beyond me.

I stayed home and snuggled with Little Dude.  Because that is all I can manage to do these days.

That is my A- #1 Top Priority.

And I'm going to treasure it for as long as I can....

:)

Leaving Good Behind

Yesterday was not what you'd call a stellar day in the Nut House.

By the time dinner was over, I was nursing a Smirnoff and ignoring the chaos surrounding me.  The little girls were fighting, chasing each other all over the downstairs, Sports Fan was moaning in agony, sure that we'd have to amputate his foot because he had stepped on a pencil earlier in the day, and Action Man was punctuating the air with complaints about the state of his uncompleted schoolwork.

Glancing at the clock and noticing the late hour, I rallied the troops.  Little Dear and Little Boo did the dishes, then cleaned up the living areas.  The boys tidied (most of) the homeschool room, and then they were all sent upstairs, leaving a semblance of peace and order.... some good behind.

I continued my pity-fest on the couch with my feet up.  Only one week left to go until Little Dude is born, but I have about a billion things to do.  And the weight of that knowledge plus the burden of other thoughts weighed on me.  Throw in some whacked out hormones, and you've got yourself one outrageously emotional Mama.

When despair starts to creep in, my instincts are to circle the wagons.  I can only deal with a shrunken universe.  My arms clench at my sides, and I bring the little ones in close.  I surround myself with kindness and mercy and venture no farther than what I deem comfortable.  This is not just a physical limitation, but a spiritual and emotional one as well.  Little Love and I read story after story today.  We sat quietly for so long, her head resting on my belly, that she suddenly popped up, looked at me and sighed.. what a loonnnggg snug that was, Mama!  And off she went to play.

Making my way to my doctor's appointment today, my feet dragged, knowing that this would be the last time I see this building before Little Dude was born.  My next appointment would be postpartum, and while I couldn't wait to be holding the little guy, the state of my physical being was not something I was looking forward to.

There are many "lasts" these days... My thoughts always begin with "This time next week..." because, indeed, this time next week, I will be in the hospital, and Little Dude will be born.  He and I will have come through the surgery with flying colors (God-willing) and I will be holding him in my arms. And then the uphill climb of recovery will begin.  And for that, I simply cannot wait.  I am not a patient patient.  But I am eager to begin ~possibly my last~ babymoon. It is always a time of simple joy and peace.  To have baby at home, and to experience the neediness of tending to one so dependent and helpless.  To be fulfilling just the basic needs, and to smile at the smallest of creation.

So, my dear friends, the blog will most likely be very quiet until the big announcement next Thursday.  I need to leave good behind... to prepare our home and lives for this most joyous event.  To ensure.. as best as I can... that those who will be helping out on the home front (thanks, Mom and Dad!) have a smooth transition, and that our veteran members of the Nut House will not be wading in chaos, but can truly enjoy this exciting time.

Please keep us in your prayers.  I know that all will be well.  And I truly cannot wait to introduce the newest Nut House member to all of you!


:)

Still In Our Hearts....

We had a lovely visitor the other evening.... can you guess who?

Yes, my favorite blogger from Minnesota!  And her cutie-pie little guy.

We were so very happy to have her... even if just for a few hours on a Saturday evening.

Sigh.  I love the blogging world,where beautiful friendships abound.


:)


You can read all about Margaret's trip here. She covered more ground than a tumbleweed caught in a West-Texas-sized dust storm!

Daybook: Fall Arrives

This morning dawned cool and crisp.... lows in the 50's.  We've had the windows open every night, and the cool breezes are so welcomed by this body who has it's own internal heating element.  Poor DH!  Canadian though he is, I've been insisting on fans blowing and no covers.. all night long.  I haven't slept this well in months.


Outside My Window...

Cobalt blue skies and sun, and a brisk wind.  Now, brisk for us is 70 degrees.... so take it with a grain of salt, y'all.  I'm just thrilled to be able to watch my kids play soccer without melting!!

I Am Listening To...

Silence.  And the occasional door slam.   The little girls have a friend over, and my boys are oscillating between the basketball hoop, the hockey net and airsoft target practice.  It's as if they don't know what to do first!  Fall means outdoor play here, and the bikes and scooters and balls are in constant motion after 5 months of lying dormant.

I Am Wearing...

Maternity jean shorts and a white maternity tank top, silver hoop earrings, hair in a pony tail.  It's almost time to take Sports Fan to practice, and it will be warm sitting in the sun chatting with the other moms. Earlier today, I had on flared pants and a long-sleeved gray gap shirt. (maternity as well)  We have two wardrobes going these days.  But I don't mind a bit.


I Am So Grateful For...

Dear friends who celebrate this new birth with so much enthusiasm... as evidenced by the wondrous spread they put on for my baby shower yesterday.  It was exquisite.  And re-connecting with some of my local friends that I don't get to see very often (you know how busy we moms can get) warmed my heart. I am very blessed.

I Am Pondering...

Mostly school stuff.  I know, boring.  :P  But since I teach American History for our co-op, I am constantly searching through resources to come up with ways to bring history to life.  The kids are delightful and eager to learn and participate.  I am exhausted, but in a good way.


I Am Reading...

In Conversation With God.  I really want to participate in my bookclub this month, so I need to find Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day.  And I am always reading this.


I Am Thinking...

About this blog, this space.  I am out of practice in writing out these days.  My words tumble all mish-mash and nothing flows.  I've been distracted for far too long.  Can I find my way back?  Can I reclaim my voice?  How will it be... once Little Dude is on the scene?  I am hopeful that I will find the time and the words again.  This may be my last chance to capture these baby years...

I Am Creating.....

Order. And lists.  3 weeks and a bit until my world turns upside down and inside out.  I wish I could just focus on this new life that is coming, but practicality has to kick in here.  There are 5 other children to think of, my classes to cover and plan for the substitute, a meal and weekly plan for my parents to navigate, and many other considerations since I will be unavailable for quite some time.  C-sections are not my preferred modus operandi. Yet, much as I hate them, I need to face it and make accommodations.

On my iPod....

Lots of old western radio shows.  Which is why I don't seem to have an iPod anymore.... maybe I should say "On Action Man's iPod"...  ;P


Towards a Real Education...

Our homeschool co-op is AWESOME.  Coupled with our cd-rom based Math, we are cruising.  My kids love seeing their good friends, and I love that they have to answer to someone! else!  But, I still get to have them home all week.  And! I'm teaching again!  It's so fun.  I didn't realize how much I missed formal classroom teaching.  And being with these students is a real joy.

Towards Rhythm and Beauty...

We are in preparation mode.  I am slowly assimilating the kids into their new roles, as the need for me to step back and step down increases.  Laundry, dishes, vacuuming, cooking... all of these chores are doable by my older children, and I need to let go and let them help.  So far, they are responding... usually without too much complaining. I know it's good for them.  They need to understand and appreciate the hard work that is family life.  And hopefully, see the joy in it all as well.
:)

To Live the Liturgy...

Religion classes have spawned many interesting dinner discussions, and with All Saints Day around the corner, I expect we will delve even deeper into the mysteries of the faith.  It's wonderful to see even Little Love sharing her new-found knowledge with the family.

I Am Hoping and Praying...

For this Little One.  For the upcoming surgery.  Less understanding forums call it "birth by scalpel"... and while I cannot argue with the accuracy of the statement, I cry out against the implications.  That somehow I have chosen the easy, less natural way, and that I, and my baby, are lesser people for it.  If they only knew how much I abhor this surgery, how much I wish things could happen differently, and how I have been dreading it since that day when two pink lines announced the reality of this newest soul.  It's the bitter pill I must swallow, the dark cloud that has surrounded my thoughts constantly... the mountain of pain and fear and worry I must climb in order to see and hold my bundle of joy. Yes, I need lots of prayers... thank you!
:)

In The Garden....

I am sorry to say that our landscaping neighbors have moved, and I, and my black thumb, are completely on our own.  I do have an e-mail address, and a basic understanding of which flowers should be planted when.  I have been told to stay away from the big box stores, and, armed with this scant knowledge, I will be attempting to keep our front bed looking spiffy.  Right now, the stuff* out there looks great, and I hope it will last through the birth and recovery of Little Dude. (*yeah... don't even ask... have no clue what I planted)

From the Kitchen...

Not much.  Dinner, most nights.  I have a ton of carrots and the makings for carrot cake... we'll see if it gets accomplished.  My plans are for quick, easy meals, and lots of water and diluted juice for me.  I'm combating the last weeks of soreness and swollen ankles.  It's a race to the finish, and I feel like the tortoise in that famous fable.  But I know I will get there.  And that's a huge consolation!

One of my Favorite Things...

The lake in the fall.  I had planned to go last week.  We got everything and everyone loaded into the car, I turned the key, and... nothing.  Now that we have a new battery for the van and the promise of continued gorgeous weather, we will hopefully go this week.  A little respite is needed before this baby comes to rock our world.

A Few Plans for the Rest of the Week...

This week will be fairly quiet. A hair appointment for me (aka... operation hide-the-grays)  soccer practices, and an orthodontist appointment for Action Man.  Next week is the doozy with my parents coming for a full-blown fun soccer weekend, dry runs with our crazy schedule, and dentist and doctor visits for me.  I have a feeling the next 3 weeks are going to fly.

A Picture Thought....

I and my beautiful, thoughtful friends who worked together to put on an amazing baby shower for me Sunday afternoon.
(p.s.  I'm the one with the belly....)

:P

Welcome Fall!!

Tomorrow

 

Forecast:

 

 

Sunny 

 

Temperature:  76°

Chance of Precip:  0%

 

Wind: N at 9 mph

:)

Why I Love Our Homeschool Co-op

I get to house mighty little vikings like this one... and listen as she regales me with tales about her conquests in the new world! 

And truly, there is nothing like hearing about Galileo and his theories in the lispy-speak of  an excited 5 year old.

Love. It.

:)

Slowing Down

I climb the stairs and take a deep breath.  I can't seem to catch it. When did we add in all those extra steps, anyway? 
;P
Suddenly I am assaulted from within.  The Little Dude is making himself known, berating me in his own way for pushing myself again. Seems like every time I try to get something accomplished and then sit down, the WWE takes up residency in my womb.

It's a good sign, I know. But it certainly is wearing me down.

With all of my other pregnancies, I was able to *ignore* my expanding belly and proceed with life as usual.  Sure, my clothes were snug and I eventually had to switch into maternity wear, but I never skipped a beat in my daily routine.

This time?  I feel like my house is on a slant, and that every step I take is uphill.  I persevere with my back, leg and arm exercises.  I try to dress is a way that is comfortable and conducive to exercise.  I am attempting to trick myself into thinking that I am still 28 and can do all I did when pregnant with Little Dear.... while keeping in mind that I'm no spring chicken and I need to be more aware of my ever expanding mid-section.

It ain't working.
:P

And so... I am forced to slow down.  To sit and relax while DH cooks dinner on the weekends.  He has had to physically push me (gently, of course) to the couch and force me to stay there while he cleans.  He pulls me up the stairs and propels me to the tub.  He tries to imagine what it must be like to carry this extra 20 lbs (yes... already!) throughout the day... and groans in sympathy.  My kids, too, see the strain and pat me on the back as they dart up the stairs ahead of me, leaving me in the dust.  They check on me often (a little too often) when I'm resting in bed or on the couch.  They'll even step in to lift or carry something for me... esp if I ask with a pitiful look in my eyes.....

:)

I wanted this, still want this, I remind myself.  It's what I've longed for, dreamed of... just one more chance to inhale that sweet newborn smell. To be the Mama... the one the cries are for... the only one who can appease.  It's a steep price, at least for my weak will and shaky legs... one that I had blissfully forgotten.  And with a much-dreaded c-section on the horizon, there are bigger hurdles in sight.

For now, though, I will take each day as it comes. 

Bask in my bigness...
Cherish the kicks...
Imagine the sweet sleeps...
And pray for the grace to meet the next month, week, day... task...
with love and patience.

:)

Snapshot

Currently Watching:  Nothing.  Nada.  We do have The Blind Side from Netflix sitting in our living room... looking forward to a movie night with DH!

State of the House: Clean!  I rallied the kids last night while DH was at work and we vacuumed and mopped and put everything in it's place.  So nice for him to come home and see how much we appreciate his hard work.

State of the Laundry:  Washed, dried and put away.  Two more loads to do for tomorrow. 

State of my Mind:  Very content.  Very happy.  Very joyful.  When someone you are close to, is on the brink of the possibility of a beautiful thing, you can't help but be happy for them.  Lots of prayers, and lots of chats.  I can't wait to see what God has in store!

Enjoying:  Summer.  A bit too much, I'm afraid.  Can you believe it's July 30th?  JULY 30TH, Y'ALL!! Why is my home school room still a mess? Why aren't my books for next year ordered?  What is the plan, anyway???? 
oookay... back to my regularly scheduled pool day....  :P

Readying For:  A trip north? Another day at the lake?  Not too sure.  We are in the midst of birthday month here... so it's presents and cake and ice cream every week.  Not such a bad thing!  :)

Realizing:  That it's hard to let go.  Big things, small things... it's hard to just pray and trust that what is meant to be, will be.  If only we let Him take over.

Grateful:  For my life.  For what DH and I have worked so hard to build together.  For the inspiration that he is.  And for what is to come.


:)

What Made Me Smile Last Night...

... when I checked on the kids before heading to bed....

Little Love... rejecting the pillow, and opting to snuggle up to her humongous stuffed animal dog.

:)

Daybook: The Return of the Sun

After two weeks of clouds and rain and a generally unsettled weather pattern, we finally have sun.  With one day being a high of 86 this past week, it's been a strange July.  


Outside My Window...

Clouds and sun, battling for possession of the sky.  I have confidence that by the end of it, the sun will prevail.  Maybe it is wishful thinking on my part, since it has been far too long since my tired face has felt it's penetrating rays.


I Am Listening To...

Three of my children play Sequence.  All of them can play, and they take turns graciously (erm... sometimes).  But what I love is that even the littlest can play with some competitiveness.  Simply match the card in your hand to the one on the board... and try to get 5 in a row. We've pulled the plug on unlimited tv and computer games... so the board games are starting to emerge from the playroom closet.


I Am Wearing...

Maternity jean shorts, a v-neck top and brown crocs.  My hair is pulled back into a messy bun.  I was hoping to spend the day poolside, but the dishwasher repairman is due between 12-4.  :P
However, being without a dishwasher for a week makes me grateful that today is the day!


I Am So Grateful For...

My husband, who has been slaving away in our master bathroom this weekend.  It's been a messy demolition process, but that part is finally finished.  And we are getting really excited as we begin the tiling and painting.


I'm Pondering...

These two quotes...

When you go global and give your life away, you will see the world differently.  You will understand why cul-de-sacs can't contain God. You will see God as you've never seen Him before-- wonderfully ginormous.  That is a right idea of God. ~True Religion

It should be possible to say of each one of us at the end or our lives, as it was said of Jesus, He went about doing good.  We have to do good within our own families, among our colleagues at work, and among our friends, and even those people we just chance to come across. As disciples of Christ we have to be sowers of fraternity whatever occasions and circumstances life brings with it. ~In Conversation With God

And I hope to expand my thoughts in a later post.  We'll see if my brain is up to the task.
:)


I Am Reading...

True Religion, In Conversation With God, and will soon start Theopohilus.  Heavy stuff.  Very thought-provoking and soul searching.


I Am Thinking...

About perception, and writing.  And sharing.  About friendships and mercy.  Lots of conversations.. internal and with friends... have fueled these thoughts.  Plenty to ponder, and no clear answers.  At least, no pat "one size fits all" answer. God has a different call, a different path for each of us to trod.  I am no huge force on the internet, and I am truly grateful for that.  But I do love the written word... and will continue to bumble along in this space as best as I can, for this is the equivalent of our family "scrapbook"... a keepsake for me and my children. To remember, laugh and reminisce.


I Am Creating...

Beauty in our master bathroom.  Painting this week, while DH does the tiling.  I am off in a moment to get more paintbrushes and round up the troops.  We will wait for the dishwasher dude while painting cabinet doors and bathroom walls and window ledges. 


On My Ipod...

Lots of Weepies... including their new single.  And our new BNL album is uploaded and being played ad nauseam... in preparation for our next night out.  Yes, concert #2 is on the horizon.
:)

 
Towards a Real Education...

Still in summer mode, but getting ready for fall.  We continue our math drills, handwriting and word problems.  My task is to get up to speed on the fall co-op plans.  Exciting stuff!


Towards Rhythm and Beauty...

This bathroom re-do is taking up all of our time, but we're still managing laundry and chores... somehow.  Buckling down on the kids is a pain, but I'm hoping (and praying!) that better habits are taking shape.


To Live the Liturgy...

Confession this week, and mass at least one extra time.  Baby steps, baby steps.


I Am Hoping and Praying...

For a renewed sense of urgency in prayer.  My kids are growing up so quickly, and there have been a few situations arise that I haven't handled well.  A constant flow of inspiration from the Holy Spirit would be very helpful these days.


In the Garden...

The tomatoes are done.  We got a good two or three dozen out of our plants, and have eaten them all up.  I am officially addicted to fresh tomatoes on a chicken salad sandwich for lunch.  Unfortunately, the store bought ones aren't cutting the mustard (or mayo... in this case).


Around the House...

Laundry today.  And cleaning for a mid-summer bbq on Sunday.  Good food and good friends are a much-needed respite from the summer doldrums!


From the Kitchen...

No plans yet today.  The peach pie is gone, and we are full force into ice cream-mode for dessert these days.  Maybe Little Dear can whip up a batch of cookies this afternoon.


One of my Favorite Things...

Little Love's freckles.
:)


A Few Plans for the rest of the Week...

Cleaning and painting.  Soccer on Saturday, including an MLS game Sat night with Lil Sis and my girls.  It's our version of a "girlie night."
;P