The Hardest Days...

... are not when my calendar is full to the bursting.

When my car is overflowing with water bottles and soccer balls and after-game snacks.
When my gas tank is perpetually emptying and my knuckles are sore from gripping the steering wheel nervously... navigating to far distant fields.
When the littlest nods his head sleepily, yet another nap taken "on the go."
When my house reflects the chaos of 15-minute meals
When we trade school bags for soccer bags, heading out into the muggy Texas twilight...

No, those are not the hardest days.

The hardest days are those I spend at home, catching up and trying to make sense of the rhythm and rhyme of having half of my children in school, and half at home.
Laundry, cleaning, baking... all happen in one fell swoop.
And it's overwhelming.

Especially when I go to make buns for dinner and find that our flour has been seriously depleted due to the over-zealous zuccini-bread-baking of Little Dear.
Or when I realize that showering takes precedence to a quick run-for-flour to the grocery store. (y'all know how *that* goes, right?)
Or the week-long feverish Little Dude... a time where I must sit and rock and sit and rock, while chaos reigns.
When Little Love's  fragile heart has been wounded, once again, by the short-tempered Little Boo's complete intolerance for mess.
When my own heart aches for understanding and grasps for charity.
Sigh.
It's a lesson in patience.


The hardest days are those I will myself through. To banish the thoughts of perfection never reached.
To ignore the whispers of not-good-enough.

These are the days I stand face-to-face with my own self and dig deeper and try harder than it seems possible.

It's the hidden struggle I fear most. The one that assails my thoughts and threatens to shipwreck my heart.

On those days I am so grateful for the companions I have here on earth, who help me along to my heavenly goal.  Andrew, who listens to my frustrations, wipes away my tears, and steadies me.  My dearest friend, who patiently listens, sympathizes, and then reminds me of the bigger picture.

The hardest days are what make me feel the most blessed.

Daybook: On a Cold Monday Evening

Noticing God's Glory~

One more cold evening... at least for the week. It's funny how it doesn't get super dark these nights. Almost like you could play outside at 9pm, just like in the summer. Very strange.


Listening To~

Erm. Party Rock Anthem. It's kitchen clean up time.
;)



Clothing myself in~

American Eagle Artist jeans, scoop-neck shirt, cowboy boots. Pearl earrings and hair down.
I'm also nursing a Smirnoff. It's been a day.


Giving thanks for~

Heated homes. Food aplenty. DH's job.  I saw a woman rummaging through the recycling bags set out for collection today, looking for cans to redeem. Made me sad, and very grateful.


Pondering prayerfully~

God does not show Himself equally to all creatures. This does not mean that He has favorites, that He decides to help some and to abandon others, but the difference occurs because it is impossible for Him to manifest Himself to certain hearts under the conditions they set up. The sunlight plays no favorites, but its reflection is very different on a lake and on a swamp.    ~Fulton Sheen

Trying so hard to be that crystal clear lake.


Turning the pages~

Five for Sorrow, Ten For Joy.  For bookclub.



Thinking thoughts as I go about my day~

I had a New Year's resolution this year. I still do have it. Surprise, surprise. :)
It is "To do all things well."
I have a tendency to declare good enough and move on. Given my vocation and how crazy it can be around here, there are many times I need to declare good enough and move on. I certainly can't afford perfectionism.
However, there are also times I declare good enough when it isn't even close to good enough.
Doing all things well does not mean perfectionism, but a focused, intentional way of living. To really think about what I am doing, who I am doing it for, and why.
All of my tasks should be done well.
And yes, it's harder than you think.
:)


Creating~

Order. As usual. It's a beast I contend with daily.


Learning lessons in~

Prudence. Holding my tongue. Keeping my trap shut? Yes, that's it.
Oh, and being cheerful about it.
:)


Encouraging learning~

Had to send a note to Little Boo's teacher. She's young, a bit inexperienced and was not being prudent in the classroom regarding Little Boo's difficulties with Math.
Now we are on the same page, and Little Boo should see some improvement in her understanding of this enigmatic subject. 
As always, I am very impressed with the school, it's teachers and administration. I try not to be the helicopter parent, and they bend over backwards to take care of concerns promptly.
It's really a win-win.



Carefully cultivating rhythm~

The re-entry for the school kids is hard at the end of a long day. I try to make it painless, but squabbles inevitably erupt. I know they need some down time, but they can't ignore their other siblings.
Any advice? 


In the kitchen~

DH is working late, so it's chicken nuggets and corn on the cob. I take it easy on these nights because, truly, they are never "easy."  


Loving the moments~

When I look up from my duties and see Little Dude being totally occupied by one of his older siblings. They play chase with him, or ball, or simply scoop him up and dance him around. And I think they enjoy it more than he does.
Yes, he is spoiled but you know what? So are they.
:)


Living the liturgy~

Lent is coming. And boy, do we ever need it.


Planning for the week ahead~

Tuesday Valentine parties... at school and at home. Funny how things are amped up for the at-home kids when the others are in school. Trying to keep that score sheet even... :P


Capturing the images of my days~


A little hockey lesson...

Plus some big sister time...

Equals...


One very happy Little Dude.

:)

Winter's Debut

I'm wearing my summer uniform.  Khaki shorts and cowl-neck sleeveless shirt. My crocs are well-worn, and my feet betray their roughness.  Too much exposure, too much sun... freckles abound on my skin.

It's been summer forever.

I hear the kids running around outside. The breeze has shifted today, ever so slowly, ever so subtly.  And now, at 7pm, there is a distinct chill in the air.

Little Dude toddles outside in his bare feet. Chubby legs take him all over the driveway, halting at the thick grass. He listens to the whoops from the backyard... eager to join in, unsure how.  He reaches back for my hand, confident that I will be there. Off we go, tromping through the grass to join the fun.

This is our last hurrah of summer. Homework has been shelved for this one final jaunt.  Pretty soon the darkness and the cold air will keep us in. Our temperature is expected to drop 30 degrees overnight tonight, and a chill steady rain will fall all day tomorrow.  Our nighttime romps will be replaced by fire-lit nights filled with hot tea.  No more will the boys try to outrun the girls, evading capture in the twilight.  The games will move to the warmth of rug and hearth. Of hot cocoa and popcorn. Of games and stories.

But tonight, the night is theirs. And they shout and run and breathe the summer air.

One last long breath.


:)

Delayed Start

I think we'll take a page from the "brick and mortar" schools here and delay opening for a few hours today...











































































































DH (working from home today) just sent a note to his colleagues...

I'll be away from my desk for 20 minutes.
Going out to play in the snow.

:)

How We Survive The Winter

Early morning fires...



















Laundry and math by the warmth of the sun...






















Popcorn and PJ's in the afternoon...






















Hockey practice in the garage...






















A good movie in the evening...





















Or a good book...





















Stay warm, y'all!

:)