Friday Afternoon

A break was needed.

Bickering children and sighing mom, we loaded up the buckets and shovels, the blanket and chairs.

We packed up our shriveled and worn souls.

No music, no laughter. Just a gritting of the teeth determination that this is needed.

No matter if they/I deserve this respite from the messy house and littered life.
No matter if the oldest is about to pitch the fourth through the window (and with good reason, it seems...)
No matter.

Fighting traffic, fighting despair, we make our way to the open.

As the highway signs give way to trees and other life signs, my shoulders relax, my jaw un-clenches. The kids notice the birds: hawks and kites, swaying in the breezes that buildings of suburbia inhibit. The clouds are wisped with a painter's stroke.

Too long, I think. It's been way too long since we've done this.

Since we've escaped.

The weathered woman at the park entrance drawls her southern greeting and I smile. Unused muscles creak, and my tired eyes light up. Asking if we need a map, I shake my head. We have traveled this road... we have traveled these roads many times, too many times.

Yet not enough.

Winding our way to our place of respite, the kids squeal in delight:
















An empty landscape to make their mark.

No paths to follow, no mistakes to undo. Pure, clean and new.

We bring our burdens... we lay them out. And we work. Building and re-building. All of 5 of them work it through. The castles are tipped, the sand is carved. Moats, mortar, sticks and feathers.

Digging, laughing, squealing in the frigid water... wind-whipped hair, they circle around me as I lay on the blanket and soak in the warmth.

My camera dies, and I understand. The present is now, and I must capture within... the view of sand and children and sunshine reflected.

Muddy and spent, we head home... stopping for ice cream and treats.

No, we didn't deserve them. We don't deserve this.

Any of it.

:)

Advice From the Peanut Gallery

Little Boo (watching Sports Fan's basketball team get cremated this morning):

Hey, Sports Fan.... HULK- SMASH!!

No, I have no idea where she gets it from.

:P

Living in a Third World Country... Part IV

Part I here.

Part II here.

Part III here.


To be an American living in one of the upper provinces of the Philippines was difficult in so many ways. Not difficult as in "impossible to handle", but more as in "I obviously have so much to learn."

By the time I went to visit my family, they had been there for almost a year, and had adjusted quite well to their new life. I was duly impressed. Little did I know what a culture shock I was in for, when they took me from the big city of Manila to the upper part of Luzon where they had set up their home.

I had no idea how much we, as Americans, would stand out. I had no idea how much their life had become akin to living in a fish bowl. The differences in culture would be magnified a hundred-fold once we left the big capital.

The most obvious difference between Americans and Filipinos is purely physical. Well duh, I know.

Here in the States, we do not gawk at foreigners. I guess we consider it nosy or just plain rude. Besides, we live in a country filled with immigrants. Yes, we all fall into that category. Our ancestors were once immigrants, and to see citizens of other countries walking our streets is an everyday occurrence. Not so in the upper provinces of the Philippines. There, Americans are idolized. "Whitening" creams are sold, so Filipinos can lighten their skin tone... while we in the US have tanning creams... ironic, no? And blue eyes=beauty queen. My sisters were the belles of the school.

;)

Anyone over 5 feet tall is an anomaly. I can't tell you how many times I was asked my height before my name, when being introduced. And the inquiries were borne of awestruck innocence. They simply could not believe that anyone could be that tall.

I think the hardest part for my mom and I especially, was the seeming apathetic nature of the Filipino people. This is a tricky subject to navigate, but it must be brought out. Americans would not stand for a bridge half-built because the local government authorities pocketed the rest of the money. Americans would riot and demonstrate against a government that stole and lied and cheated it's people out of their due. Americans would stand up to police officers who attempted to extort money or demand bribes for the release of innocent citizens. Sometimes my mom would go on a tirade against the injustices of the Philippine government as she explained the depth of corruption that existed. I think she'd have taken on the whole country if my Dad would let her.

:)

It is difficult to watch a people that you have come to know and love, be cheated out of the necessities of life at every turn.

Yet, the people of the Philippines were not bothered by these injustices. They dealt with the half built bridge by taking a make-shift ferry across the river every day. They handed over hard earned wages to the police just to have the privilege of going home. These people are so poor that they must buy their cigarettes individually... not in packs or (oh, the luxury!) cartons.

And so it must seem very ironic that these people all have one amazing thing in common.

They smile.

They smile constantly. At everything, and everyone. As a reserved NYer, this was something I had to quickly adapt to. Like, instantaneously. My parents told me that it would be very rude if I did not smile at everyone I met or passed. And, being the only American family in the province, we attracted a lot of attention wherever we went. With eyes always on us, we lived and smiled.

It puzzled me then. As a spoiled American, I was astounded at their cheerful attitude. And it puzzles me now as I look back on it. I did not know what they had to smile about.

I am convinced, however, at the wisdom in their being content. Maybe "apathy" is too negative a word for their attitude. Maybe "resignation" is too weak a word. Maybe their joy came from simply living. From being alive and surrounded by friends and family. The government they regarded as a pesky fly that sometimes got in the way, but was tolerated.

They could be cheated, lied to, and stolen from... but no institution on earth could rob them of their joy.

Filed Under: I Don't Really WANT To Know....

And this is why...





















And yes, we are just now taking our Christmas tree down. We like to procrastinate prolong this joyous season!

:P

Living in a Third World Country... Part III

Even though my parents and siblings had work and school during the day, they were able to take some time and show me around like a regular tourist.

It was during these trips that the Philippine way of life became real and known to me.

Traveling with my parents to their teaching sessions (their ministry was to offer support to the teachers of the diocese) I experienced the insanity that is the "law of the road" in the provinces. There is a hierarchy. And if a bus wants to pass, everyone makes room. So a two lane road suddenly becomes a three or four lane highway! Jeepneys (open smaller buses) get the right of way over tricycles (small motorcycles with a sidecar) and bicyclists, though they also travel the roads, need to constantly pull to the side to let the other vehicles roar past. Allowing a bicycle to go first, and remaining behind it at a crawling pace will only get you honked at... as I learned while navigating the roads myself.

Another interesting sight in driving the country roads near the farms, is the inevitability that there will be huge patches of roadway covered with rice. The farmers need to dry out the rice pods before shelling them, and since the ground is marshy wetland, the obvious solution is to rake the rice right out onto the road. When possible, it is preferred that you navigate around these patches of rice, but given the hierarchy of vehicles, that is not always possible. I was horrified the first time we plowed over some poor farmer's swath of rice, but soon realized it was that or suffer a collision.. either head on, or from behind. And so we just drove on.

I think the scariest ride was the one we took to Baguio, in the province of Benguet. It was a three hour drive, through the most beautiful and rugged landscape. The city itself sits in the Cordillera Central Mountain Range, and therefore boasts more mild temperatures. I was eager to experience some cold air again! The last part of the drive, though, almost made me regret our trip. Since Baguio City is on a mountain, we were driving switchbacks on a road that really seemed to be meant as a one lane only. Now picture our little jeep sharing the road with buses and jeepneys, and yes, the occasional bicyclist? Yes, I kept my eyes closed a lot.

This is what I was fearing, and what actually happened during a typhoon last year:















(photo credit)

This is the very road we took.

As you will come to realize throughout the rest of my posts, one comes to the reality of "letting go" of the insulated fears of the west. It's hard to explain... but bouncing along in a tricycle on rocky, muddy roads, or holding on for dear life at the front of a fisherman's boat as you speed through an inlet on your way to an island in the South China Sea, you truly realize that your life is not your own. You are at the mercy of the elements, simply because you are too poor to keep the elements at bay. And you have a choice.

You can choose to live in constant fear of the next wave, the next bend in the road, or the next typhoon. Or you can simply accept what God has in store, relying on His grace and wisdom and love to see you through. Either way, you cannot have the final say. So you may as well smile a lot, (the Filippinos are always smiling) hold on tight, and enjoy the ride.

Living in a Third World Country Part II

In the humid and close mornings, Geckos scattered over the floor and walls as we wakened. At first, I was startled by these little lizards, appalled to think that my mother tolerated their presence in her home. When questioned, she shrugged her shoulders and explained that they were a natural mosquito repellent. After that, I was very careful about where I stepped and even regarded those little creatures as friends.

After our morning showers, we would all pile in our car (a very old sedan, no A/C). Since there were 7 of us, there were not enough seat belts. A very real problem here in the U.S. but not even a consideration there. I didn't say a word, but pulled one of my little sisters onto my lap to make room. Off we went to the church "compound" where my siblings went to school and my parents worked with the Bishop.

One day, my mom took me to the "marketplace" downtown. If you were to look in a National Geographic magazine that pictured marketplaces in Africa, the same would apply here. I was really enjoying myself, looking at all the exotic fruits and even purchasing a few to try. My favorite was a round spiky fruit called Rambutan. When you peeled it, there revealed a milky white slippery fruit which you popped into your mouth, being careful not to bite the pit. It was incredibly sweet and juicy.

What I wasn't prepared for, was the raw meat section of the market, located under the tents. There was no refrigeration, and the stench was unbelievable. My mom led me past the barrels of fish and, noticing my wrinkled nose and gagging mouth, warned me not to offend by my expressions. I pasted a smile on my face and tried not to throw up. We purchased our chicken, and I watched in amazement (and I hope, not horror) as the smiling woman whacked the head off the hanging whole chickens and handed them to my mom who placed them into her bag, paid, and walked serenely away.

I helped my mom carry our goods to a waiting tricycle (small motorcycle with a sidecar) and we zoomed home.

I'm pretty sure she held on to the chickens...

:)

Living in a Third World Country... Part I

To spare the reader, I will break this series down into parts. The recent destruction in Haiti, and the descriptions of their life has triggered many memories of visiting my parents in the Philippines the summer before my senior year of college.


When I was a junior in college, my parents sold everything they owned and moved the family to the Philippines.

Sometime soon I'm going to have my mom do a guest post on here. Their experience spans almost two years, and is something that would be good to read about given the recent devastation in Haiti... if nothing else but to begin to understand the way of life of a people so poor and desolate.

I was fortunate enough to visit my family in the province of Pangasinan, living with them in their second floor apartment in the city of Alaminos for two weeks before I returned to college as a senior.

During my stay, my eyes were opened in many ways. What I witnessed there would sometimes make my jaw hit the ground in disbelief, but there were also moments of extreme beauty and peace. Maybe because I knew I would be leaving I felt I could truly drink in my surroundings... but as someone who was not trapped there. I did not have to scratch my living from the harsh and fickle landscape. There was a rhythm to these people, especially in the provinces... a connection to the land that was not present in the cities. (And isn't that case, no matter what country you live in?)

While we did travel around sometimes in a borrowed jeep (with A/C... what a luxury!) we did sleep in our rooms with fans blowing and windows open. No covers were needed, and cold showers were taken at least twice a day. I have never known such humidity. I think we could have made water by trapping air in a cup and making it condense. Any clothing with an ounce of polyester was unwearable, and make up was useless. So, we were not insulated by any means. My family was out there, living and moving and breathing with the locals.

And this enabled me to experience firsthand, albeit for a brief time, what it was like to live in such a poor country.

Sunshine and Allergies Daybook

Warm weather has returned to the Nut House. Highs in the low 70's this week! But with it comes much pollen. DH is especially having a hard go of it these days.


Outside my window....

Abundant sunshine. I'm looking forward to my afternoon break outside in my patio chair with a good book.


I am listening to...

Little Love and Little Boo playing. No school today, so they are taking advantage of the quiet downstairs to spin their tales with Polly Pockets tucked into decorative shelving set up as exquisite homes.


I am wearing...

Pink and lime flannel plaid pj bottoms, lime green sweatshirt and crocs. Don't ask about the hair. :P


I am thankful for...

The return of the warmer weather. I don't feel so restricted and hunkered down anymore.


I am reading...

Edge of Sadness for bookclub, and In Conversation with God for me. For those of you who have read In Conversation... is it just me, or does it miraculously apply to just about every day of your life? The meditations are unbelievably timely and applicable. Gives me the goosebumps.


From the kitchen...

Two very ripe bananas. Guess I'll be making muffins today. Everything is stocked for the week, I just need to spin my magic and think up some delectable meals... that include lots of salad.


I am thinking...

That I do my best thinking in the shower at night. And I need to post then, not in the morning. Which means my time with DH will be limited. Not. Good. Hmmm. Need to think more about that.


On my iPod...

I hardly listen anymore. Does the soundtrack to Cars count? lol The kids insisted that DH put it on, and now that's their clean up music. A tad bit loud sometimes.


Towards a real education...

Catechism co-op today! We love that the kids get weekly time with their best friends. Delving into the faith with them and their awesome teachers is something I would never replace. It's amazing for them.


Towards rhythm and beauty...

Hosting 75 people here on Saturday night convinced me that our house is way more versatile than I thought. It was lovely. I'm excited to plan for other events in the future... and declutter everything we "packed away" from tiny fingers...


To live the Liturgy...

Love my spiritual reading. I can't say enough about it. Keeping those meditations in mind throughout the day has made me look at everything I do in a new light. Sanctifying our work as moms is a real thing. It raises our work to the supernatural. But it's not us. We need to beg God for His grace. Humbling, and yet awesome.


I am hoping and praying...
For so many situations.


In the garden...
The pansies are still alive, looking a bit wilted. Guess I need to water them! :)


Around the house...

Laundry. And lots of it.


On keeping home...
Still no chore schedule. What is it going to take for us(me) to get my act together? Any tips?


One of my favorite things...

Sunshine and a good book.


A few plans for the rest of the week...

Bunco Friday night. Playdates for the kids, and a meal for a friend with a new little blessing!


A picture thought I am sharing...
















This is how Little Boo plays hockey with Papa.

:P

Early Morning

Standing at the precipice
About to hurl myself over the edge
of today,
I wonder at my past folly.

To leap and not to care
if the net was secure
if the wind was right
if I was right.

To leap and not wonder
at the uncertainty of
the day ahead.
All that would happen.
Not to wonder
was I ready?

What folly
to cast myself into today
and not secure the bindings
and make safe my path
through His love
of words
and comfort.

And step out, firmly tethered
to weather the storms
directing my ship
with His hand
and
ride the waves of grace.

When Patience is Needed in Abundance

Little Love: Mama! Mama! I can count to 100... wanna hear?

Mama: Errrrm... sure.

Little Love: 1, 2, (...) 59, 70, 71... oh! Oh no no no no! That's not right!
Lemme start over.
1, 2....


:P

My Little Boo

Things here in the Nut House are steaming along at a more-rapid-than-usual pace these days. And my Little Boo is the kind that is resistant to her Mama's exhortations, especially when there is a time constraint attached to it. In fact, the more frantic Mama is, the slower she obliges.

Last night, as I was urging her to finish her chore of putting away the toys she and Little Love had been playing with, she parked herself in the kitchen and would. not. budge.

Frustrated, I burst out: Little Love is doing exactly what I told her to do! Look, she is putting the chairs away all by herself! Now, who is being a big responsible girl?

Rolling her eyes, Little Boo retorted: Not me.



















And, for no apparent reason, both DH and I had simultaneous coughing fits.

:P

Daybook: When Resolutions Kick In

Outside my window....

Sunny sunshiney SUN! High of 55 today. We may have to break out the shorts...
:)


I am listening to....

Keyboards clacking, pages turning and pencils scratching. My 3 olders are hitting the books!

I am wearing...

My favorite jeans (low waist, baggy, abercrombie that I got for a steal..) crocs, and new Old Navy hooded shirt I got for less than $2! Hair in a messy bun.


I am thankful for...

Understanding friends.


I am pondering...
How best to ensure my resolutions stick. I think taking it day by day is key. Not be overwhelmed with the big picture.


I am reading...

Edge of Sadness for book club, and starting In Conversation with God for spiritual reading. My good friend recommended it and also loaned it to me! Just started today, and I think it is exactly what I was looking for.


From the kitchen...

Fajitas for dinner tonight. The whole week's menu is planned out. We have lots going on with not a lot of wiggle room. I need to stick to the plan.


I am thinking...

That I can be way too transparent sometimes. Not online, but in my friendships. Sometimes, I need to be patient and not jump the gun when it comes to certain situations. I usually end up feeling extremely idiotic. I guess it's a good lesson in humility for me?


I am creating...

A new outlook on my vocation. It's a step by step process, and will probably last my entire lifetime. A bit daunting, yes. But very needed. Also? I'm trying to trust. Some things are in the works and I have no idea which doors are opening and which are closed. Being patient and trusting... two of the hardest things for me to do!!


Towards rhythm and beauty...

Ugh. I am trying so hard to get my house back in order and re-establish the chore charts. It's taking awhile. We have so much going on this week, and a tidy house is essential. Praying and cleaning go well together, right?


To live the liturgy...

The awesome thing about In Conversation with God, is that the meditations are based on the readings. And I need to be fully aware of what season we are in. Love that. For the kids, I need recommendations on Saint's books. What do you use?


I'm hoping and praying...
For quite a few intentions.


One of my favorite things...
Coffee. Hands down my most favorite material (non-living) thing in the world. Think I'll go brew another cup.
:)


A few plans for the rest of the week...

Ready? It's a doozy of a week.
~Book club tonight, where we discuss the horrific novel Of Human Bondage. Yes, I disliked it immensely, but I finished it.
~Lil Sis comes home tomorrow! Yay! DH goes out with a friend from home who is here on business... boys have scouts.
~Wed DH's friend comes for dinner.
~Thursday is mom's night out... :)
~Friday is clean the house day because...
~Saturday we are hosting the Montessori school's (belated) Christmas party here! Count stands at 54 people. It's potluck, so not too bad on the prep work for me. I just need to make sure my home is totally baby proof! I'm the "older" Mama in this crowd. Lots of babies coming for me to drool over.
:)


A picture thought I am sharing...

















Hard to believe our world was like this not too long ago!


:)

How We Survive The Winter

Early morning fires...



















Laundry and math by the warmth of the sun...






















Popcorn and PJ's in the afternoon...






















Hockey practice in the garage...






















A good movie in the evening...





















Or a good book...





















Stay warm, y'all!

:)

Afternoon Thoughts

A cold front is threatening to the North. An Arctic Blast is what they're calling it, plunging temperatures into the teens.

Trees rattle in fear, their limbs empty… dry and chilled with the winter air.
Walking through the backyard, I notice that even the outdoor chairs and toys huddle close to the house... waiting.

Funny how my shoulders relax in the seeming balmy 45 degree weather.
The sun plays off my crazy house-bound hair, and red abounds.
While, stark in his black and white, our cat rolls on the scratchy brick patio.
I pick at the weeds poking through the seams, eager to remain in the light.

Always, in the warmth, no matter how feeble.

Children bound in and out, wondering for me... puzzled at my position on the step.
As the wind picks up, they scurry inside.

Winter is not for the faint of heart.











:)

Recuperating

This stomach bug has really thrown me for a loop. I've never felt so awful, except when in my first trimester... and alas, no, I am not experiencing that thrill this time around. How I wish! My system is totally out of whack. I think I dehydrated myself unknowingly. How weird that the Mama should fall victim to the very thing she worries about with her own kids regarding this bug! And you know what? This rehydration process is long and arduous. I'll never make this mistake again.

All of the organizing and de-cluttering I had planned for the home school room hasn't happened. We waded through the mess of toys and markers and papers to dig out our books and notebooks in getting back to it today. My kids are used to this, unfortunately, and I find that persevering in our studies despite the mess has it's advantages. My house will always need cleaning. And while I used to sacrifice a school day to restore order to our home, I've learned my lesson that it's never worth it. By the end of the day, the house will need to be tidied yet again, and we've lost a day of learning.

Laundry is my main accomplishment these days. Funny how the New Year is rung in, in much the same way the old one is rung out. And (heh heh) I am already feeling wrung out. (sorry, couldn't resist...) But it's the little things done, the baby steps taken, that satisfy my inner Martha. And, finally, at the end of the day, my realistic expectations of myself and my kids are what bring peace and order to the day.

It's all about perspective, isn't it? The fact that I have already lost it on my kids this morning what with all the moaning and groaning of the new school week. The same old gripes and the same old downfalls... it's tiring and exactly what I was dreading about today. All these things are part of the picture here, but not the focus. Heaven help us if it were. I'd never be able to continue.

It's the sweetness between Little Love and Little Boo, the ah-ha moment that Sports Fan had in Math today, the ease in which Little Dear picked up long division after the even longer break, and the perseverance Action Man showed as he tried (in vain... ;) to straighten his crooked letters, out of practice and rusty from too many days spent frolicking, void of paper and the ever-exacting pencil. But, he labored, and patiently I praised his efforts. We must not be defeated this first day back.

There must be enough hope and effort left to last. Enough care and love to be renewed and enough patience to make it...

At least until dinner time, eh?

:)

A New Me?

'Tis that time of year for us bloggers to get all philosophical about the upcoming year and how we will change. There have been a lot of fantastic posts on this, ones I am sincerely taking to heart... in fact, they are all there on my sidebar. And I appreciate the wisdom and simplicity of these posts, all surrounding one word.

Yes.

Still.

Now.

I love these ideas. And, unbeknownst to me, I have been practicing them since the New Year began! How is that? Well... I've had the stomach flu.

:P

Seriously, there is nothing like a nasty virus that knocks you on your back to make a person slow down and think. Think about what is truly necessary, what is truly important, and what really and truly must be accomplished to survive the day. Luckily for me, DH did all of what needed to be done, and I got the luxury of moaning and reading and playing speed with Little Love.

I practiced "Yes" when she asked me to play and read stories and snuggle. (why that child has not gotten sick is beyond me... keeping my fingers crossed!) I practiced "Still" for two entire days. I was exhausted (dehydrated, more like it) dizzy and incredibly woozy.( I'm still not 100%, this is going to take awhile.) So, my "stillness" will not be a fleeting thing. The "Now" is ongoing. DH took the rest of the kids to a hockey game today (Little Boo went in my stead) and I got to say "Yes" to all of Little Love's whims of going out to lunch and visiting a few playgrounds before settling at home with a movie. At each stop, the "Now" was constant. Little Love is a chatter box, and a delightful one at that. We were in eternal conversation-mode, and it was lovely. I had no choice but to be completely present... and it was interesting, since I am not used to focusing on one child/event at a time. Like other moms, I multi-task quite well... what a concept this was!
Am I changed? A bit. I think every new experience alters a person's perspective. Have I changed forever? Ah, the Pollyanna in me wishes that were the case! But, I know myself, my tendencies... don't we all?
And here's the key... for me, at least. I know me. He knows me. In fact, He knows me better than I ever will. So, no-one, except He (and me) will ever ever be able to change me. And that is where my focus needs to be if I will ever exact a change from these stubborn old bones. Nothing new? Of course not. Read Ecclesiastes 1:9.

There's nothing new under the sun.

And so we begin. I begin. To find my way.
To say Yes.
To practice Still.
To be Now.

And probably mess it all up royally along the way.
;P

But He knows.
And He will help.
Because He is all that matters in the end.

And there is an awful lot of comfort in that.

:)