More Of Me To Love

So, the countdown is on.  6 weeks to go, and then Little Dude will come screaming into our lives.  I know he will be screaming, because:
(a) Every. SINGLE. one of my children have been colicky... I don't even hold out hope anymore for that elusive "easy" baby, and...
(b) This kid has not stopped kicking me since I hit the 4 month mark.

I am worn and battered, y'all.

I've suffered (?) the usual pregnancy woes... insomnia, vein troubles, stomach growth (ha!), and my newest friend... heartburn.

LOVIN' the heartburn.  No, really.  For once I'm half serious. 

You see, for each of my previous pregnancies, I gained about 60 lbs. And this time around, I was sure that my legs and back would not be able to handle that kind of baggage.  My doctor had been urging me to stick to the recommended 25-30 lb. range. 
*Excuse me while I laugh uproariously* 
You see, once I hit the non-nausea stage, I'm all over food.  Literally.
:P

Except.  Now I've got heartburn.  As in, I simply cannot eat a thing after 9pm.  Especially ice cream, cake, cookies... you name it.  If I want to indulge, it has to be early in the day, with the kids bugging me as to why I get ice cream at 3pm and they don't, and don't I feel like a mean Mama for dishing myself a bowl when they're having peanut butter on bread and...

Yeah.  Forget it.

So, I go to bed dutifully with my glass of ice water, munching away on the melting ice cubes, thus granting myself a night free from the burning in my throat and chest. 

And the payoff?

A pound a week.
Mission accomplished.
:D

Oh, except for the swelling in my ankles...

Now there's a worthy topic.

;P

Body "Image"

As I took my place at the end of the line, I saw her.  This thin, petite mom with sleek blonde hair and insanely high heels.  A designer handbag perched on her shoulder, she was the epitome of fashion.  While the other moms around her chatted, she soundly ignored everyone.  Instead she flipped her hair and texted on her phone.  She seemed utterly bored and barely able to contain her impatience.  I wondered at her glamour and the importance of her status in her own world.

Then she turned around.

A mixture of awe and disappointment engulfed me.  This stunning woman, desperate to keep her youthful appearance, had succumbed to the empty promises of cosmetic surgery.  It was so obvious, I cringed.  Her eyebrows strung high, and her lips in a permanent pout, she looked... unnatural.  When someone accidentally bumped into her and apologized, she smiled... and I was horrified.  She suddenly looked eighty years old.

Later that day, contemplating my expanding stomach and all the stretching and joyous changes on the horizon... I thought of that woman.

How easy it would be for me to feel despair at the loss of my thinner self.  To decry every wrinkle and groan over each blemish. 

But also... how ridiculous.

You see, I am a mom.  And we moms have hit upon a secret.  We have experience and know this secret firsthand.  It is the key to our happiness, but also to our sanity. 

Our bodies are not our own.

When God blesses us with a new life, we experience this "other" like nothing else ever could.  There is, literally, an"other" dwelling within us.  And everything we eat and do, every choice we make, affects this "other" being in an intimate way.  Also?  We have no control over the changes that must occur in order to sustain this new life.  To bemoan the loss of our flat stomach or firm thighs is nonsense.  To try desperately not to gain weight is absurd.

And so it is with getting older. 

Our bodies are not our own.

We will get wrinkles and gray hair.  Things will start to droop and sag.  The weight that used to melt like ice cream in summer will suddenly become steadfast. We can use creams, we can color our hair, and expend hours of energy working out and weighing each portion of food before it touches our lips... but it is inevitable. 

It is so hard not to look at yourself critically.  To notice the extra pouches here and there.  Yesterday, while standing in line, I unconsciously sucked in my stomach.  I fingered my wild, curly hair.  And I felt a bit frumpy.  But then I pulled myself together.  I chatted with the lady behind me and held onto Little Love's hand, while waving to a friend I hadn't seen in awhile. 

When I got back to the car, I'll admit it, I glanced in my rear-view mirror... briefly.  I saw.. me.  A healthy, slightly older, Mama.  Full of life and joy. 

And no matter what my age, I hope and pray that that is what I will always be able to see.

:)


These ruminations brought to you courtesy of my birthday today... not surprising, eh?  :P

Hiatus

The reason is.... (how apropos!) over here.

:P

Daybook: When Resolutions Kick In

Outside my window....

Sunny sunshiney SUN! High of 55 today. We may have to break out the shorts...
:)


I am listening to....

Keyboards clacking, pages turning and pencils scratching. My 3 olders are hitting the books!

I am wearing...

My favorite jeans (low waist, baggy, abercrombie that I got for a steal..) crocs, and new Old Navy hooded shirt I got for less than $2! Hair in a messy bun.


I am thankful for...

Understanding friends.


I am pondering...
How best to ensure my resolutions stick. I think taking it day by day is key. Not be overwhelmed with the big picture.


I am reading...

Edge of Sadness for book club, and starting In Conversation with God for spiritual reading. My good friend recommended it and also loaned it to me! Just started today, and I think it is exactly what I was looking for.


From the kitchen...

Fajitas for dinner tonight. The whole week's menu is planned out. We have lots going on with not a lot of wiggle room. I need to stick to the plan.


I am thinking...

That I can be way too transparent sometimes. Not online, but in my friendships. Sometimes, I need to be patient and not jump the gun when it comes to certain situations. I usually end up feeling extremely idiotic. I guess it's a good lesson in humility for me?


I am creating...

A new outlook on my vocation. It's a step by step process, and will probably last my entire lifetime. A bit daunting, yes. But very needed. Also? I'm trying to trust. Some things are in the works and I have no idea which doors are opening and which are closed. Being patient and trusting... two of the hardest things for me to do!!


Towards rhythm and beauty...

Ugh. I am trying so hard to get my house back in order and re-establish the chore charts. It's taking awhile. We have so much going on this week, and a tidy house is essential. Praying and cleaning go well together, right?


To live the liturgy...

The awesome thing about In Conversation with God, is that the meditations are based on the readings. And I need to be fully aware of what season we are in. Love that. For the kids, I need recommendations on Saint's books. What do you use?


I'm hoping and praying...
For quite a few intentions.


One of my favorite things...
Coffee. Hands down my most favorite material (non-living) thing in the world. Think I'll go brew another cup.
:)


A few plans for the rest of the week...

Ready? It's a doozy of a week.
~Book club tonight, where we discuss the horrific novel Of Human Bondage. Yes, I disliked it immensely, but I finished it.
~Lil Sis comes home tomorrow! Yay! DH goes out with a friend from home who is here on business... boys have scouts.
~Wed DH's friend comes for dinner.
~Thursday is mom's night out... :)
~Friday is clean the house day because...
~Saturday we are hosting the Montessori school's (belated) Christmas party here! Count stands at 54 people. It's potluck, so not too bad on the prep work for me. I just need to make sure my home is totally baby proof! I'm the "older" Mama in this crowd. Lots of babies coming for me to drool over.
:)


A picture thought I am sharing...

















Hard to believe our world was like this not too long ago!


:)

Recuperating

This stomach bug has really thrown me for a loop. I've never felt so awful, except when in my first trimester... and alas, no, I am not experiencing that thrill this time around. How I wish! My system is totally out of whack. I think I dehydrated myself unknowingly. How weird that the Mama should fall victim to the very thing she worries about with her own kids regarding this bug! And you know what? This rehydration process is long and arduous. I'll never make this mistake again.

All of the organizing and de-cluttering I had planned for the home school room hasn't happened. We waded through the mess of toys and markers and papers to dig out our books and notebooks in getting back to it today. My kids are used to this, unfortunately, and I find that persevering in our studies despite the mess has it's advantages. My house will always need cleaning. And while I used to sacrifice a school day to restore order to our home, I've learned my lesson that it's never worth it. By the end of the day, the house will need to be tidied yet again, and we've lost a day of learning.

Laundry is my main accomplishment these days. Funny how the New Year is rung in, in much the same way the old one is rung out. And (heh heh) I am already feeling wrung out. (sorry, couldn't resist...) But it's the little things done, the baby steps taken, that satisfy my inner Martha. And, finally, at the end of the day, my realistic expectations of myself and my kids are what bring peace and order to the day.

It's all about perspective, isn't it? The fact that I have already lost it on my kids this morning what with all the moaning and groaning of the new school week. The same old gripes and the same old downfalls... it's tiring and exactly what I was dreading about today. All these things are part of the picture here, but not the focus. Heaven help us if it were. I'd never be able to continue.

It's the sweetness between Little Love and Little Boo, the ah-ha moment that Sports Fan had in Math today, the ease in which Little Dear picked up long division after the even longer break, and the perseverance Action Man showed as he tried (in vain... ;) to straighten his crooked letters, out of practice and rusty from too many days spent frolicking, void of paper and the ever-exacting pencil. But, he labored, and patiently I praised his efforts. We must not be defeated this first day back.

There must be enough hope and effort left to last. Enough care and love to be renewed and enough patience to make it...

At least until dinner time, eh?

:)

Tomorrow is Christmas...It's Practically Here!

That's how Little Boo greeted us this morning. (Remember, she was the Grinch for Halloween this year.)

:)

In keeping with the theme "Nut House" and in wishing you and yours a very Merry and Holy Christmas... here are some keeping it real moments for your enjoyment:

1. I always make Peanut Butter Bon Bons for the Christmas season. They are saved for this time of year, and no other. It's hugely anticipated by the kids, and dreaded by me. Sticky peanut butter, hot chocolate coating, and many little hands can send me over the edge. I decided to let go of the perfection and let the kids take over.

The end result? Sticky balls of chocolate that look like huge armadillo droppings. Or, to be less eloquent, cow doo doo. I kid you not. Little Boo was in charge of the "coating" part, and when she deemed it sufficiently coated, she scooped up the bon bon and flung it, mess-hall style, onto the tray... and there it hardened.




















heh heh

2. Very awesome friends of ours came by last night and dropped off a cute package of Christmas goodies and a cd of Christmas music. The Christmas music is eclectic, just like our fun friends, and our kids favorites? "I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas" and Bruce Springsteen's rendition of "Santa Claus is Comin' to Town." I am going insane.
:)

3. The goodies they dropped off were super cute!!
















See how amazingly decorated that little mitten is? (Her 15 year old must have done that one.) Let's contrast it to the Nut House sugar cookies... (what's left of them, anyway)















oh, dear.

4. To keep my inner Martha at bay, our friends made sure to include a few cookies that had markings like... a single swipe of icing in the middle of a gingerbread boy, complete with sprinkles and stars and such oozing out. We think they are the "guts"...
:)

5. When the Dad came to drop the goodies off, I handed him a plate of our Armadillo droppings, and wished them a Merry Christmas.

I know they will enjoy them.

Because they have 5 kids too. And completely understand.

:P

Filed Under: The Less-Than-Stellar Moments of Nutmeg

It's the evening of the first day of Winter Break! Do you know where your liquor cabinet is??


Lessee how Nutmeg fared today. Here are some snippets:

1. The cat scarfed down his breakfast this morning, and then promptly parked himself in the formal living room and began howling and heaving. I came flying in, grabbed the cat, wrestled with the lock on the back door, threw the cat down and yanked on the lock with both hands thus effectively freeing it...

And looked down in time to see the cat vomit all over the hardwood floor at my feet.

My kids learned a new word today.

It shall not be repeated here.

2. The thrifty homemaker version of Nutmeg decided to make yummy! homemade! bread! I dumped all the contents into the bread maker and turned it on. The stuff isn't spinning, even though the machine is making all the obligatory noises. I looked around in time to see Sports Fan spinning the paddle to the bread machine in his hand.

The kids learned another new word.

I turned off the bread machine, grabbed the paddle and proceeded to fish my hand into the globs of dough, egg and oil. As I attempted to match up the sides of the paddle hole onto the attachment, I tried not to think how similar this feeling of gloppy wet flour is to the mess I had to handle earlier in the day...

*cringe*

3. Skip on to dinner time. Little Boo is thrilled with the evening's fare of pasta. Without a word, she shovels her food and steps over Little Dear to spoon herself a second helping. DH and I exchanged surprised looks as Little Dear scoots back in her chair to accommodate the contortions of Little Boo as she also decides to ladle a hearty scoop of sauce over her pasta, her rear end deftly placed in front of Little Dear's chattering mouth.

Neither one skips a beat.

I hide behind my glass of wine.

After all, we have a whole 2 weeks of this to go.

:P

Convicted

From Danielle's links:

Comes this.


It's always rewarding when I step away from the virtual and immerse myself in the real.

Most days, it's a beautiful place to be.


:)

And Then This Thing Called LIFE Got In The Way...

So, yes. I am about to eat humble pie. I'm finding the taste to be quite palatable. Especially when it's become such a staple.

:S


That last post? With all the I'm going to make my kids remember the Saints and their feast days with lots of crafts and baking spiel?

It didn't happen.

First of all, I had quite a few discussions with wonderful friends, the first of whom e-mailed me and talked me down from the ledge. I need to find what is best for our family, she tells me.

Well, duh, I thought.

But then I realized that I was neglecting to do just that. I was seeing what others were doing and comparing. Bad. Very bad. And I've railed against that beast before. What the heck was I doing?

Secondly, I simply did not have time. And why? Because our family activities got in the way. Now, how ironic of a statement is that?

Saturday evening we went to a beautiful First Communion ceremony for the son of new (and becoming very close) friends of ours here in town. Then we had way too much fun at their house, sharing dinner with them and the pastor of their church. (Who we know... since he had been the pastor of our old parish way back when) My kids had an awesome time with their kids, and we didn't get home until after 10pm. I wouldn't have changed a thing.

Sunday was lovely, with made-from-scratch pancakes, tree decorating, and our Nativity Play potluck dinner with 4 other families. No buns or St. Lucy bread. Little Dear corralled the girls and made the crowns all on her own (so! proud! of her!) while I made a cake and put together a vegetable tray for the dinner. The fire was crackling in the fireplace and Christmas songs (both the obnoxious and the bearable) crooned throughout the house.

The story sheets of St. Juan Diego and Our Lady of Guadalupe were spread around the house as the various kids picked them up and read them. A few coloring pages were completed. The St. Lucy crowns were assembled and worn. All while some very old, established, Nut House family traditions were fostered.

While I know that my children need to be closer to the saints, and I am determined to find a way, I understand now that that way will be unique to us. Every family is different. Different temperaments and talents. I need to do some more thinking. And breathing. Because, you know? Breathing is good.

:)

Who Else Needs to Hear This Today?

I sure do.

And I suspect many more of us do too.

OATH.... Only Adjectives That Help/Heal.

All is not as it seems on the outside. We all have our own tortuous recordings, and we need to turn those negative sound bites off.

Even better, we have our Faith that assures us of the unconditional love of an Almighty God.

:)



h/t Elizabeth

What Goes Around...

Little Dear came downstairs this morning sporting a pair of shorts, a long sleeve shirt, and her newly-purchased boots. (similar to these...)


~I know my mother is laughing out loud right now~


:)

You Can See This One Coming A Mile Away...

We are big Tom Sawyer fans. Action Man and Sports Fan both started out with the Illustrated Classics version, and then graduated on to the real deal. I love the utter boyishness of these books, and even found delightfully old copies of Tom Sawyer Abroad and Tom Sawyer Detective. Action Man enjoyed both of these immensely.

As a result, there have been many Tom Sawyer-ish shennanigans with my boys, although luckily none as hair-raising as those poor Aunt Polly had to deal with.

Imagine my embarrassed cringing, however, when our beloved pediatrician asked Little Love this question at her 4 (almost 5) year check up:

Dr: Now, I know you don't smoke, right?

Little Love: Nope!

Dr: Does anyone in your house smoke?

Little Love: Yes! Action Man does!

Dr: (confused.. looking at me) Really?

Me: No, no...

Little Boo: Yes he does, Mama! In the backyard! He lights his cigars...

Me: (wanting to muzzle Little Boo) Well... it's a homemade one... and he just pretends.... Tom Sawyer, you know?


And luckily, she does know, and understands, and CPS is not out to get me.

*sigh*


:)

Hockey Moms ARE Pit Bulls!

I am living proof.

My boys had a game this morning. The first of two, playing on a team of misfits, against boys who have been playing together for years.

And they were doing very well... even ahead at one point.

Sports Fan was in goal. He is probably the smallest and scrawniest child on the team, but also one of the best. Why his coach wants him to wear 20 tons of equipment and flop around in front of the net is beyond me, but there he was, flopping like a pro.

Then it happened. Not once, not twice, but three and four times... my awesome goalie-son had his glove hand covering the ball, and some belligerent 10year old is whacking Sports Fan's glove with his stick. The first few times, our bleacher section was encouraging Sports Fan to hang tough.

The fourth time? (As Action Man started pushing the brat away from his brother...)

I was on my feet.

"Hey, Ref! Get that #1 OUTTA THERE!"

Mortified, I promptly sat back down. Did I just yell at the Referee? Luckily, all the other rabid hockey moms took up my war cry and demanded that the kid be benched. He wasn't... and he scored on Sports Fan, but then was totally robbed a few plays later as my little man flattened him on a break-away.

~insert evil cackle here~

I am Nutmeg. A rabid Hockey Mom.

And I wear Lipstick.

:)

A Picture is Worth.....

... a thousand words.

But, in this case? It's worth about two.


Behold! Our Seder Meal!

















What?

Can't you see these beautiful plates set out on a deep black tablecloth? Lots of silver, saved for special occasions rest on napkins of sage, burgundy, and golden yellow.... the wine glasses at every place, with a taste of rich red merlot in each?

Look closer and you will see one harried Mama... alternately praying with her family and praying over the leg of lamb, willing it to be ready in time. You will see 5 children who are surely "starving" as moans of arewedoneprayingyet fill the dining room. You will see one brave Papa, weeding through sheets and sheets of paper, handed to him moments before by his procrastinating wife... reading and instructing his blessed, ornery children.

Such was our Seder this year. And we are still more knowledgeable in spite of it. This Mama has a lot to learn about these awesome traditions... and my children who need them.

Incidentally, who else is curious as to how Margaret's last minute Seder turned out? I bet she pulled it off with flying colors and a hearty chuckle.

:)

Perspective

Something I need to keep at the forefront of my mind:

The money I received when I returned a dress to TJMaxx just because I decided that I didn't really want it, after all.... pays for two months worth of my promised donation for diapers for a young woman who chose not to abort, and has no steady income.

Two months.

This is not a "pat myself on the back" post. (because, really, my donation is a very small part of the larger effort in motion to help this woman) But a real reminder for me that what I may deem a necessity in this consumeristic culture, is a very real luxury for most folks, and I need to keep those situations in my thoughts and prayers constantly.

And, looking at things quite frankly, it's probably a luxury for my family too.

I need to be a better steward of our blessings.

Yet another resolution for me to work on!

:)

When Company is Coming...

You certainly don't blog.

You definitely don't Facebook or Twitter.

You do decide to host Bunco at your home the evening your guests are arriving, figuring that if they arrive around 11pm, you should be able to kick your friends out by 10:30... right?

You spend countless hours finagling the upstairs to accommodate sleeping arrangements for 4 adults and 11 children... thinking that it would be best to leave the downstairs free for endless playtime and chat time.

You wash the windows of your home, inside and out, at 7:30 am because in your world, that is the highest priority.

You also decide to re-cover the cushions of the window seat in the home school room, and make two pillows to match. Again with the priorities. And not having accomplished that yet is giving you anxiety attacks.

And even though your guests will only be here for 4 days, baking breakfast breads and desserts, and shopping and assembling meals ahead of time is a must. Your pantry hearkens back to the Y2K days.

Your home looking like three tornadoes have set up shop, you ignore the mess and the lists of duties and blog.

Because you know that only your blogging friends can fully appreciate this priority, and they alone will be able to affirm this utmost necessity. And possibly be able to relate to the madness that overtakes a hostess's brain.

:)

This is me Today...

(after getting four fillings re-filled, two on either side of my face)

...From Bill Cosby's perspective.


And the way I'm talking?

My kids think it's hilarious.

And aside from being unable to drink my coffee or eat for fear of swallowing my bottom lip, all is good.

But please do not call me.

:)

Remember....

this?

Where we'd all look around our houses and see who could come up with the wildest misplaced item?

Well... let's play, shall we?

1. The computer desk is ripe with bizarre items: a glitter-decorated lemonade mix can, an empty stationery holder, and a circuit box.

2. A container of wood glue is precariously perched on top of our dsl modem, holding it in place on the top shelf of our built-in book shelves in the study. (isn't that what wood glue bottles are for?)

3. A pair of six-shooter cap guns have been banished to the top of the fridge, probably due to some infraction that occurred weeks ago. Wonder what that was about?

4. I have to come back to the study again, it's an extreme work-in-progress. We've got everything in here... my sewing machine, (can you believe it? me neither) a hockey goalie helmet, our rooftop carrier, a poker set, DH's beer making paraphernalia, a tennis racket, photo albums, weights, and empty boxes. Thank goodness for all of these built-ins, eh?
(ok, sorry, DH, not so funny.... this is supposed to be his space, after all...)


So, what do you guys have?

:)

Because God Does Have A Sense of Humor After All

DH being temporarily unavailable yesterday meant that I got to take the kids to the vigil mass by myself. (Yes, he was going to be temporarily unavailable today, too...)

Grimacing, (because I am all about extra penance) I geared the kids up mentally for this wondrous act of suffering feast day celebration.

I combed hair, inspected outfits, made some minor changes, glanced in the mirror, and off we went. Before leaving, I secured some mass-help from a friend who has 6 of her own kids, and figured we could use the divide-and-conquer strategy if either one of us had meltdown in the pew.

Um. of course, I meant if either one of our children had a meltdown in the pew.

Of course.

Anyhoo... being a bit uptight, I arrived 15 minutes early and got a prime spot near the back of the church, on the right hand side. And then watched in horror as my saving grace made her way to the opposite side of church with her 6 kiddos.

Huh, I thought. What is up with that?

Well, I soon found out, in the form of Mr. Quaint and Hard of Hearing usher, who asked most politely if my family and I would take up the gifts, and then pretended to be stone deaf when I tried to whisper my feeble excuse of "having the kids by myself" today....

Right.

We all get to go up and take the gifts together!

Of course. What a smashing idea.

With Sports Fan and Little Dear holding the candles, Action Man holding the wine jug, Little Boo holding the cruet and Little Love her blankie, I gripped the bowl of hosts and we trundled up the aisle.

Now, this is not my regular parish, and since this parish is not as vibrant as ours, the fact that there were children in attendance was quite a novelty. Sometimes that can be a good thing, sometimes not.

Thank goodness... in this case, it was. There were many oohs and ahhs and matronly smiles as we wound our way to the priest. There were a few sighs as we genuflected and then quite a few chuckles as Little Love grabbed my hand, turned me around, and proceeded to genuflect to me.

I know I was as red as a beet, but I was proud of my kids. These shy little ones were able to rise above their discomfort, and "help the priest" as I told them. They saw the need, and they delivered, and did so with grace.

What a simple witness.

:)

An Apology

I never close comments on my blog.

And the fact that I did so yesterday after my dear IRL friend Matilda's comment seemed to suggest that it was to her that I was directing my remarks to. And that was not the case. As anyone here knows, Matilda is always gracious and kind, and never one to stir up the pot.

I am very sorry if my words were harsh and hurtful. It was not my intention at all.


Sheepishly yours,