Noah These Days

Yes, I am still plowing through this series.  It has taken me quite a bit longer than I had hoped.  By the time I'm finished, I'll have to start all over again, since Little Dude will surely be walking or heading off to college.

:P

Noah is our Sports Fan.  He has always been drawn to sports, particularly sports heroes.  He was the first to be attracted to super heroes as well. His first super hero-love was Buzz Lightyear.  We joke that one time during mass, DH picked up our two year old mop of blonde curls and he raised one arm over his head and lifted one knee in perfect Buzz imitation.  Made me giggle uncontrollably. How cute that he thought his Papa could lift him to "infinity and beyond."

Noah is at a tough spot right now, I won't deny that.  At the age of 11, he is on the cusp of those teen years.  He's caught dead in the middle between still wanting me to snug with him, and then holding me at arm's length, his blue eyes sharp and unyielding. He nurses a constant chip on his shoulder, sarcasm being his defense mechanism.  It's difficult sometimes to peel back the layer that he has built up, to penetrate the wall.  Lately, DH and I have made the extra effort to "collect" this child.  And our diligence is paying off.  He is eager to remain in the fold of our family, but constantly tests our hearts. And that's not a bad thing, either. It reminds me of my priorities as a mom.  That I cannot push my children to the side, no matter what deadline or last-minute interruption has sprung up.  This young man keeps me in check. Although I still have a lot to learn.

Noah plays soccer in our city league.  He's on a team of mostly new kids.  He is also one of 3 non-Spanish speaking kids.  I watched him during his first practice, his arms folded, only half-kicking the ball, eyes bored.  His coach was yelling instructions in Spanish, and Noah turned away, frustrated. I watched the coach. He's an outstanding coach.  After practice, Noah and I had a chat.  He wasn't quitting. (but, oh! How easy my schedule would be if he did! :P) He was going to milk this for all he could.  This coach knows what he's doing, I told him. If he could stick it out, and go 110% at every practice, his game would skyrocket, I could guarantee it. Noah's eyes lit up.  He has been giving it his best shot, and yesterday at his game, I saw him deek around the other team's forwards, jumping over cleats and sending the ball to his own front line.  A little rough aorund the edges, but it's there, I thought.  Good.

He is the older brother I go to when I need help with Little Dude.  Noah is a natural when it comes to caring and nurturing the others.  He sees with a provider's eye, and steps in when I need him to.  Of course, he's not always as gracious as I'd like him to be... we're working on that.  Mostly, though he sees the need and delivers.

I am proud of this young man.  He has grown so much.

If I can only keep him close while encouraging him to explore new horizons.


:)

Daybook: Updating

I'm not going to apologize for the silence. I've learned in the past that silence can be golden. Especially internet silence.  Especially when you can revisit your original reasons for blogging and re-prioritize a bit. But most especially for a reason like this one:

Little Dude has been keeping me busy, of course.  But more on him throughout the course of this Daybook.....


Outside my window~
Sun.  Blue skies and sun.  We went to the park today, and I got 2 hours of in-your-face sun time.  It felt glorious, and even Little Dude's cheeks are a tad bit pink.

I am listening to~
My girls play nintendo and my boys play poker with a friend.  The hours of outside fun this morning has made them content to sit and relax this afternoon.  It's Spring Break. We all feel content.

I am wearing~
My comfy (and very well-loved) jeans, t-shirt and crocs.  Hair in a messy bun.  I've promised myself that I will actually style my hair tomorrow.  I think.  :P

I am so grateful for~
Friends who organize park outings.  I never would have gone, never would have organized it... just would have feebly attempted laundry or writing while refereeing fights and putting off endless requests for playdates.  It was a lovely, refreshing change.

I'm pondering~
Schedules.  More on that in a bit.

I'm reading~
The Roots of Obama's Rage by Dinesh D'Souza.  My pick for bookclub next week.Very interesting.

I am thinking~
That Little Dude needs to get in some semblance of a groove any day now.  He is the king of the castle, and I never can plan anything!  Lol.


I am creating~
A new Nut House normal.  Our sports schedule this season requires that we be away from home at dinnertime 4 out of the 5 weeknights. So, we'll be eating dinner at 4:30 on those nights.  DH and I have it coordinated so we know who needs to be where, and when.  On the nights he works late, I'll be flying solo, but it's doable.  Texting one evening with a long-distance kindred spirit while waiting at Sports Fan's practice, I decided.... no complaining.  We chose this. 3 kids on 4 teams. 2 girls in dance. It's crazy, but we homeschool after all.  We are together all day, every day.  We can eat earlier.  We can regroup after practice and showers and pray the rosary.  If there is any time in our lives this can work, it's now.

On my iPod~
Nothing new, except maybe more old radio shows for Action Man.  Tales of the Texas Rangers, anyone?

Towards a real education~
Oh dear. 'Tis that discerning time of year again.  We've always said that we take homeschooling one year at s time.  We mean that literally.  Oy, this time of year is always hard.  :)

Towards rhythm and beauty~
Trying out the new schedule this week.  Still recuperating from my solo weekend... still grateful for energetic sisters who swoop in and whisk children off to games in the freezing windy conditions.  Still trying to re-vamp chore charts....  Still a work in progress.

To live the liturgy~
Lent snuck up on me this year, I admit.  I found our good deeds jar, got some dried beans, chatted with the kids about our sacrifices and hauled them off to mass on Wednesday.  But more needs to be done.  The boys had a friend over yesterday who told them that he was giving up TV for Lent.  The boys' jaw hit the floor as Action Man said, "Dude, that's hard!"  And the friend looked at them and said, "Yeah.  Isn't that the point?"

I am hoping and praying~
For our schooling decisions, and for many many other intentions that have come to my attention this week.  So much heartbreak and sadness out there.  Keeps my worries in perspective.

In the garden~
Tomato plants go in this weekend.  My red pansies out front look glorious... and looks like spring is here for good!

Around the house~
Chaos.  We emptied out the girls' rooms thinking that we would be hosting our friends from Wisconsin for the week.  They got the flu, however, and turned around before they even got to us.  Very sad. And the toys are everywhere.  This weekend will necessitate a huge clean up.

From the kitchen~
Lenten meals, coupled with soccer practice means quesadillas on the go.  :P  The kids have homeschool gym class at a park this afternoon, minutes away from Sports Fan's practice. So tempting to pack a picnic and stay... we'll see.

One of my favorite things~
Little Dude's ears.

:P

L(ing)OL

Ok.  I have to laugh.  Talk about being misunderstood!!

:P

My post yesterday was NOT supposed to come across as a pity party.  I wanted to reflect on the impact others have on us, and how we ourselves affect those we come into contact with. 

Quite a few tragedies occured over the weekend~
Two of my friends went through heartbreaking miscarriages this past weekend. 
The niece of another college friend died at the tender age of 3 months.
I lost my "aunt" (actually my dad's cousin) yesterday.... she was a sweet, open-hearted soul.

These all were tremendous losses.  And the fact that so many people were aching shows our vulnerability, the degree to which we became involved in the stories of their lives. It hurts.  A lot.  And there comes a tendency to want to block it all out, to decide NOT to become involved, to NOT put ourselves out there.

That post was meant to discourage such thoughts.
:P

So, thank you to all of the wonderful folks who left some very sweet comments.  I can always do with some affirmation therapy, I won't deny that!  But I am ashamed that I couldn't adequately get my point across.  Almost 6 years of blogging, and I can't convey a simple thought.

UGH.

On second thought, keep those sweet comments coming.  I'm  seriously doubting my writing abilities over here.

:P

A Heart Unguarded

I have a long history with heartaches.  From the moment I enetered grade school, I wore my heart on my sleeve.  I often opened myself up to people who would prove to be less than ideal friends. My parents endured many days and nights of tears... betrayals and meanness... it was always the same story.

I don't think I have changed that much.  I still wear my heart on my sleeve.  I go out of my way to befriend, and be friendly.  I've learned that not all will appreciate my friendship, that there will be moments of heartbreak, of disappointment.  I also know that I am broken, a fallen creature.  I will make mistakes, will unknowingly offend, will be a less than perfect companion.  And that makes me grateful for the friends that I do have, that have stuck it out with me, warts and all.

I've found, when embarking upon a new adventure, or a new friendship, I have a choice.  Do I guard my heart?  Do I lower my eyes and offer little... or do I meet the newcomer face-to-face and plunge right into the dialogue?  Do I put myself out there, my arms and heart open?

In my family, do I spend time with my aging grandparents... do I make the effort to conect and re-connect?  Do I spare myself the ache of separation, of sorrow at their passing and remain aloof?

Similarly, when that extra pink line appears... how do I react?  In fear and trepidation?  Or with joyous welcome, no matter what the cost?

So it goes for friendships.  Do I spare myself the pain of being misunderstood, misjudged and ignored... and simply fade into the background?  But then. Then I will miss out on the joy of being known, of being treasured and loved.  I will miss out on the opportunities to be generous and giving, to grow in ways unimaginable.

Besides, I've seen what happens when I put myself out there.  I've experienced some pretty amazing things.  I've met some awesome people, and heard some unbelievable stories.  And it has all become a part of me.  I'd like to think I've left a bit of myself behind, something for the other person to take with them, something inspiring, something good. 

Oh how I hope I've left them something good.