The Hardest Days...

... are not when my calendar is full to the bursting.

When my car is overflowing with water bottles and soccer balls and after-game snacks.
When my gas tank is perpetually emptying and my knuckles are sore from gripping the steering wheel nervously... navigating to far distant fields.
When the littlest nods his head sleepily, yet another nap taken "on the go."
When my house reflects the chaos of 15-minute meals
When we trade school bags for soccer bags, heading out into the muggy Texas twilight...

No, those are not the hardest days.

The hardest days are those I spend at home, catching up and trying to make sense of the rhythm and rhyme of having half of my children in school, and half at home.
Laundry, cleaning, baking... all happen in one fell swoop.
And it's overwhelming.

Especially when I go to make buns for dinner and find that our flour has been seriously depleted due to the over-zealous zuccini-bread-baking of Little Dear.
Or when I realize that showering takes precedence to a quick run-for-flour to the grocery store. (y'all know how *that* goes, right?)
Or the week-long feverish Little Dude... a time where I must sit and rock and sit and rock, while chaos reigns.
When Little Love's  fragile heart has been wounded, once again, by the short-tempered Little Boo's complete intolerance for mess.
When my own heart aches for understanding and grasps for charity.
Sigh.
It's a lesson in patience.


The hardest days are those I will myself through. To banish the thoughts of perfection never reached.
To ignore the whispers of not-good-enough.

These are the days I stand face-to-face with my own self and dig deeper and try harder than it seems possible.

It's the hidden struggle I fear most. The one that assails my thoughts and threatens to shipwreck my heart.

On those days I am so grateful for the companions I have here on earth, who help me along to my heavenly goal.  Andrew, who listens to my frustrations, wipes away my tears, and steadies me.  My dearest friend, who patiently listens, sympathizes, and then reminds me of the bigger picture.

The hardest days are what make me feel the most blessed.

Daybook: On a Cold Monday Evening

Noticing God's Glory~

One more cold evening... at least for the week. It's funny how it doesn't get super dark these nights. Almost like you could play outside at 9pm, just like in the summer. Very strange.


Listening To~

Erm. Party Rock Anthem. It's kitchen clean up time.
;)



Clothing myself in~

American Eagle Artist jeans, scoop-neck shirt, cowboy boots. Pearl earrings and hair down.
I'm also nursing a Smirnoff. It's been a day.


Giving thanks for~

Heated homes. Food aplenty. DH's job.  I saw a woman rummaging through the recycling bags set out for collection today, looking for cans to redeem. Made me sad, and very grateful.


Pondering prayerfully~

God does not show Himself equally to all creatures. This does not mean that He has favorites, that He decides to help some and to abandon others, but the difference occurs because it is impossible for Him to manifest Himself to certain hearts under the conditions they set up. The sunlight plays no favorites, but its reflection is very different on a lake and on a swamp.    ~Fulton Sheen

Trying so hard to be that crystal clear lake.


Turning the pages~

Five for Sorrow, Ten For Joy.  For bookclub.



Thinking thoughts as I go about my day~

I had a New Year's resolution this year. I still do have it. Surprise, surprise. :)
It is "To do all things well."
I have a tendency to declare good enough and move on. Given my vocation and how crazy it can be around here, there are many times I need to declare good enough and move on. I certainly can't afford perfectionism.
However, there are also times I declare good enough when it isn't even close to good enough.
Doing all things well does not mean perfectionism, but a focused, intentional way of living. To really think about what I am doing, who I am doing it for, and why.
All of my tasks should be done well.
And yes, it's harder than you think.
:)


Creating~

Order. As usual. It's a beast I contend with daily.


Learning lessons in~

Prudence. Holding my tongue. Keeping my trap shut? Yes, that's it.
Oh, and being cheerful about it.
:)


Encouraging learning~

Had to send a note to Little Boo's teacher. She's young, a bit inexperienced and was not being prudent in the classroom regarding Little Boo's difficulties with Math.
Now we are on the same page, and Little Boo should see some improvement in her understanding of this enigmatic subject. 
As always, I am very impressed with the school, it's teachers and administration. I try not to be the helicopter parent, and they bend over backwards to take care of concerns promptly.
It's really a win-win.



Carefully cultivating rhythm~

The re-entry for the school kids is hard at the end of a long day. I try to make it painless, but squabbles inevitably erupt. I know they need some down time, but they can't ignore their other siblings.
Any advice? 


In the kitchen~

DH is working late, so it's chicken nuggets and corn on the cob. I take it easy on these nights because, truly, they are never "easy."  


Loving the moments~

When I look up from my duties and see Little Dude being totally occupied by one of his older siblings. They play chase with him, or ball, or simply scoop him up and dance him around. And I think they enjoy it more than he does.
Yes, he is spoiled but you know what? So are they.
:)


Living the liturgy~

Lent is coming. And boy, do we ever need it.


Planning for the week ahead~

Tuesday Valentine parties... at school and at home. Funny how things are amped up for the at-home kids when the others are in school. Trying to keep that score sheet even... :P


Capturing the images of my days~


A little hockey lesson...

Plus some big sister time...

Equals...


One very happy Little Dude.

:)

Building Up

I just don't want to get in the way of who my kids are supposed to be. 


An older mom in my bookclub summed up her parenting philosophy in this one sentence. She, who has 2 daughters married, 4 grandchildren, and her youngest a mere 8 years old, is always someone I keep tabs on. I listen extra hard when she speaks. I like her family, love her kids, and want to know more, always more. But she is reluctant. She doesn't have all the answers...


Not a single one of us does.


I look back at the early years with my most erm... challenging.... child. That would be Little Boo.

She entered the world innocently enough.


Then, as she grew older, and her personality emerged, she totally rocked it.

She became THAT child.

The child who needed to push the buttons on the microwave to warm her bottle.
The child who would put her own shirt on, backwards if need be thankyouverymuch.

The child who could feed herself, climb up and down from the table by herself, and wash her hands... all by herself.

The child who insisted on buckling herself in her car seat. Even though she had tried 24 times to do it and failed. Even though her siblings were ready to scream in frustration. Even though her mom wanted to leave, no one was allowed to MOVE (esp the car... don't even THINK about inching down the driveway while she's attempting time #25...) until she is securely buckled. (damn those 3-point harnesses)

THAT was my Little Boo.

And now....

Now, my Little Boo is a true joy, genuinely funny, and a real help. She comes out with the best comments. She has a hilarious outlook on life. She was a huge help with Little Dude during his fussiest moments. And lately, she has been known to come home from school, dump her stuff in the home school room, and scrub the entire kitchen top to bottom. Just because she wanted to.

How did this metamorphosis occur?

I wish I had an answer. I wish I could say I followed thus and such philosophy of parenting. I wish I could point you to THAT book that was the key to our seeming (read: insert huge disclaimer here) success.

It was nothing I did. I think it was more what I didn't do.

I went with it. Whatever she thought she could do, as long as it wasn't dangerous, I let her do it.
Case in point...  At the age of 2, she was climbing in and out of her crib at 3 in the morning, turning all the lights on in the house and playing. To me, that was dangerous. She could have probably opened the front door and walked down the street. So, we bought a crib tent and zipped her in it every night.
But by the age of 3 and a half? She slept on the top bunk of the bunk beds she shared with Little Dear. I knew she could climb steadily and would not fall. She was definitely the more sure-footed one of the two. And? She stayed in bed... no night time wanderings.

The car seat fiascos? Sigh. Yes.... every time we had to go somewhere, we got in the car 15 minutes before we had to leave just so she could buckle herself. I know some of you are shaking your heads... sucker, you are saying. Well, Little Boo would scream for HOURS if I buckled her in. Trust me, we tried quite a few times... and I do NOT exaggerate. It would be HOURS of shrill screaming. An extra 15 minutes was worth hours of peace and happiness, as far as I was concerned.

I guess my philosophy was a lot like the mom I admire. I didn't want to break Little Boo's spirit. I didn't want to mess it up. I wanted to form her and mold her as best as my fumbling hands could. 

I'm not perfect. I know there were things I could have done better. But God has abundantly blessed my meager efforts. Little Boo is a very driven little girl. She is super organized, and very diligent with her school work. So much so that putting her in school was a necessity. The fluidity of homeschooling would have killed her. It was, in fact, frustrating her to no end.

Her competitiveness is apparent on the soccer field. She plays on 2 teams, still. She loves it. And while she is competitive, she is also a fiercely loyal friend. If people are not kind, or the other team is too rough, she goes into defensive mode like nobody's business. She sticks up for her friends and gives back what the other team dishes out. She is not afraid to make a stand.

Her gentleness reveals itself in her ability to identify with others and their feelings. She is very sensitive, and sometimes with her hilarious comments and toughie exterior, I forget that. But she senses when others have been wronged, and comes to me... concerned. She doesn't always get it right. Sometimes she makes assumptions about intentions that aren't there... we are working on that. But at least her intuition is being honed. And I love that she feels comfortable enough to chat with me about it all.


They are all so delightfully unique. And there are no pat answers.
If you have your own Little Boo, and are in the thick of it... hang in there!
I know it can be daunting....

And yet... the peace of knowing that no matter what, God blesses our efforts, He knows our hearts...

When we get a glimpse of the fruits? It's such an awesome thing.

:)

Our Place of Refuge

I've written about our lake before.  And you all know how much we love to whip out there and spend some time in the sun...

But yesterday,  we had some introductions to make.

But Mom, Little Dude has been to the lake....

What a difference 3 months makes. Now he walks, and explores.
Back then, he nursed and slept.

He had not made a real friendship with our peaceful haven, yet.

But yesterday... he ventured out.  We even took off his shoes and let him feel the water and the mud. (yes, it's Texas... icky mud) He wasn't thrilled, preferring to stay on the pebbly sand.

He watched his siblings as they wound their way along the water's edge.

The lake level was low.  Very low. Nothing like getting back to nature to witness how bad the drought is, firsthand.

The kids examined the newly exposed sand, and what emerges when the layers of water are peeled back. A sobering experience, to be sure. But nature is always beautiful, and they came back jubilant with their treasures.

Fall in Texas is a time of brown colors and long shadows. Even in the height of the afternoon, the light is slanted and the sun has whitened.

This old Mama is learning, though. I'm learning to enjoy the seasons as they come.
I'm learning that we don't pass this way again.

We need to pause. We need to breathe it all in with everything we have.

:)

Guess Who Turns ONE Today...

I know. It's amazing.

Simply amazing how time flies...

:)

Regarding "Obli-cations"

DH answered the salesman's questions while I bounced Little Dude on my knees. We were just launching into our 90 minute presentation on "owning a piece of paradise"... just to get some free nights at Great Wolf Lodge for our peanuts.

Yes, we are nuts.  And NO. We will NEVER do that again. (because it took 3 hours... no joke. Ugh.)

Anyway... I was soundly ignoring Mr. Greasy-dude and concentrating on Mr. Cutie-Pie Little Dude when suddenly the Greasy Dude said something truly maddening. He dismissed our family vacations as OBLI-CATIONS.  As in, we are OBLIGATED to go VACATION with FAMILY.

Oh, horrors.

This guy was pitching water parks and sandy beaches just hours away.  Horseback rides and canoe trips, fully stocked kitchens and family time in a condo that is 1/3 the size of my house.

This guy didn't have a bloody clue what he was talking about.

Your poor kids, he said. Never went on a real vacation.

Excuse me?

No really. Are you serious, buddy? I almost spit my free coffee at him.

Our poor kids have seen more and done more than I ever did at their age. We have carted them through most of the U.S. -west of the Mississippi, and all courtesy of... family, and our horrific OBLI-CATIONS.

Hot Springs, skiing, Aquarium, Castle-hopping, sledding... all in Colorado.
The ocean, In-and-Out, Disneyland... in California.
Farms, friends, horses, goats... in Wisconsin.
Our amazing trip to CANADA this summer...kayaking, playing with cousins, jet-skiing, 4-wheeling, water parks, picnics, bon-fires, oh my gosh.... so much fun!

We are so lucky to have generous family and friends who live in such amazingly beautiful places, and encourage us to visit often. 

Our kids come away from every single trip with about a billion stories to tell. And they tell them for years.

Every place we visit is filled with people who love the kids, who play with them and listen to them.  They connect because we are family. And it is a joy to be with family.

When I picked the 3 kids up from school and explained where we had been all morning, they were indignant at the way Greasy Dude described our vacations. (Action Man very helpfully offered to go punch him in the face.) And they all wanted to go back and tell him exactly why he was so very wrong to make fun of our family vacations.

It was heartening to hear them jump to defend what we hold dear. And while I'm sure that someday we will be able to grab a week on the beach with "just us"... I'm happy to know that our crazy family road trips are carving out real memories.

And, yeah...  we'll take a rain-check on owning a bit of paradise.

Without all of our family around, it sounds kinda boring to us.


:)

Winter's Debut

I'm wearing my summer uniform.  Khaki shorts and cowl-neck sleeveless shirt. My crocs are well-worn, and my feet betray their roughness.  Too much exposure, too much sun... freckles abound on my skin.

It's been summer forever.

I hear the kids running around outside. The breeze has shifted today, ever so slowly, ever so subtly.  And now, at 7pm, there is a distinct chill in the air.

Little Dude toddles outside in his bare feet. Chubby legs take him all over the driveway, halting at the thick grass. He listens to the whoops from the backyard... eager to join in, unsure how.  He reaches back for my hand, confident that I will be there. Off we go, tromping through the grass to join the fun.

This is our last hurrah of summer. Homework has been shelved for this one final jaunt.  Pretty soon the darkness and the cold air will keep us in. Our temperature is expected to drop 30 degrees overnight tonight, and a chill steady rain will fall all day tomorrow.  Our nighttime romps will be replaced by fire-lit nights filled with hot tea.  No more will the boys try to outrun the girls, evading capture in the twilight.  The games will move to the warmth of rug and hearth. Of hot cocoa and popcorn. Of games and stories.

But tonight, the night is theirs. And they shout and run and breathe the summer air.

One last long breath.


:)

Dilemma

 Little Boo, on "What she wants to be when she grows up"

It's so hard to decide, mom.
And I only  have two choices! 

When I'm at school, I think I want to be a nun.

But when I'm playing soccer? 
I'm pretty sure I want to be a rock star.


:)

Daybook: My Crazy Life

I started this post on Sunday. 

It is now Friday.


What an appropriate title.

:P


I'm listening to~

Little Dude babbling. He says "ba ba ba". Exciting, isn't it? Yes, I'm hopeless when it comes to this kid.


I am wearing...

JEANS. Glorious, LONG JEANS. And a flowy LONG sleeved top. High of 86 today, folks.
FALL IS HERE. (ya'll will have to excuse me, I live in Texas)


I am so grateful for...

Misunderstanding.  Thinking that something is the case when it's not. I think too much. Period.


I'm pondering....

The life of the heart. How to make it grow, how to preserve and protect while it grows. How to take chances that don't wound too much. Sometimes the wounding speeds up the growth, sometimes its detrimental. This goes for all ages, and all stages. It's a tricky balance.


I am reading...

Innocent Blood for book club. Not sure if I will be able to finish. Not because of time, but because of my sensitive soul. :)  In Conversation with God, The Bronze Bow, and It's So You. There's a line up for ya.

:P


I am thinking...

Of soccer and friendships. Of school and friendships. Of life and friendships. Friendships are a very good thing.


I am creating...

New bedrooms. Still ongoing. Everyone is in their proper places, now we just need to tweak it. More storage in one room, utilize what we've got in another... New curtains for all. I have lists for each room and will buy as needed. I hope we will be completely finished by Christmas. If not, sooner?


To live the liturgy...

We need more prayer in this house. In order to do that, I need to be more organized. Homework finished before soccer practices, so that after we can gather for our rosary before showers and bed. I know we can do this. I just need to make it a priority.


Towards a real education...

I loved loved loved this post. You see, I've always been a reluctant homeschooler. I read all the stuff and bought into all the ideals and convinced myself that it was the only way to go, and then threw myself into it and constantly felt like I was totally failing at it. So I would re-double my efforts and still feel like I was a failure. So, we put 3 kids in school this year. 
I'm not convinced it's the ideal choice. In fact, the only thing I'm convinced of is that there really is no ideal choice. We are not in some heavenly utopia here. But we know our kids, and the ones in school need to be there. It's better than them being here all day.
There, I said it.
For them, at this time in their lives, it's better that they are not at home all day. We may change our minds, and I sure do miss them, but for now, this is their real education.
:)
(See? I think too much)


Towards rhythm and beauty...

Ugh. I have two lives now. Homeschooler and drive-the-kids-to-school, schooler. My house reflects the chaos I feel. Poor DH. I have got to figure this out.


I am hoping and praying...

For a beautiful beautiful gal who is so close to my heart. She has been going through a rough time for so very long. God needs to do something, and fast. Praying that His will for her life be made known and all the pieces fall into place quickly. And that we all have peace and joy in the process.


I am learning...

That I need to let go a lot more often and with more grace and trust than I am used to. There is very little I can control. From my own kids to other people's opinion of me and my children... or my house, car, clothing... it's so trivial, and yet to some, it is so essential. I need to step away from that kind of thinking.


Around the house...

The laundry beast is out of control. All the uniforms for school, P.E. and soccer is just killing me. Yesterday was "free dress" day (thank the Lord... and also? Thank the Lord for uniforms all the other days! Yikes on the fashionista front!) I was able to get the uniform situation under control. Most days I feel like I'm flying by the seat of my pants... or, pj's, as it were.
:P


From the kitchen...

No idea. Lol. We'll be making banana muffins for sure. Dinner will be meatless, but that's all I know. I stink at the no meat dinner ideas. And my family hates tuna. :(


On my iPod...

Haven't listened in ages. Really.
But I am looking forward to this. Because I am a rabid fan. Still.


One of my favorite things...

Hot coffee on a brisk fall morning. It has been way too long...


A few plans for the week...

Weekend soccer games, Homecoming week for the school kids (lots of fun events planned=lots of mommy work... but it's all fun) more bedroom work.. organizing and de-cluttering so we can make it all more functional!


A picture thought...

Gratuitous Little Dude photo...


:)

Autumn Babymoons

Autumn is babymoon time for me. All of my children were born in late summer, early autumn. (And so, by default, Spring is morning-sickness time.  Unfortunately, I feel inexplicably ill on certain spring mornings... my body's way of remembering, I guess...lol)

 
There is a slight crispness to the air as I recline in bed, nursing Little Dude to sleep.  The curtains dance in our bedroom... and the evening is quiet.

I hold Little Dude close, smell his babyness, and sigh, remembering....

I remember how fragile I feel, just home from the hospital.  That first evening home I made it as far as the chair in the front living room. It was Halloween, and I wanted to see the comings and goings in the neighborhood, wanted to see my own peanuts as they waltzed out the door, and their excited faces as they came racing back in with their Dad and Grandpa, spreading their bounty on the floor, eager to share....

I remember not realizing that by parking myself in the front living room, I'd made myself available to the sweaty, make-up laden teenagers from down the street eager to see and (eek!) touch my precious 3 day old babe.... their wonder and excitement was contagious, though. And I discreetly wiped the.. erm... fake blood from Little Dude's cheek. 

And later that night, piling pillows all around, laying in my own bed... struggling to care for this littlest life, I remember the hot tears. The recovery is always difficult for me, and caring for such a helpless one while feeling so helpless myself compounds my hopelessness. The hot tears are cooled in the night breeze, the strong arms around me calm my heart, and the babe's wails are quieted. The soft sheets on the bed are a welcome respite from the rough hospital linens.  My legs gingerly explore the cooler spots on the surface, every movement reminding me of my frailty.


I remember the slow descents from my upstairs bedroom to the living room. Eventually I was able to do it without help.  Then I was able to do it while carrying Little Dude.  Every day I made that descent, unwilling to remain isolated in my bedroom.  I joined in the family life, parking myself in the corner of the longest couch, able to see and hear all.  And when I would fall asleep, the kids would tiptoe around me, or snug in while I nursed Little Dude, holding him in my arms while he slept, not wanting to put him down.

(my "corner spot"... notice the sweats? comfort is a must!)

I remember how everyone rallied. How the kids did laundry and dishes. How my DH would come home from work and start on dinner. He would clean the kitchen, sweeping and mopping, and then he would take a wailing babe for a walk outside while I attempted a shower. Everything centered on our family life.  There were little to no outside distractions... (well, except the occasional soccer game, of course)

Now Little Dude is walking.

What a difference 11 months makes.  I knew it would come.  But I honestly didn't think it would come this quickly.  He squirms out of my arms and I set him down.  On his sturdy little legs he toddles off, eager to see and do, just like everyone else. Put a soccer ball in front of him and he moves double-time.  It's quite a sight to see... the ball is as tall as his legs are long.  But he moves it, first one foot, then the other.

He fits right in.

Perfectly.

:)

My New Kitchen "Help"

:)

Daybook: Second Week of School

I can't believe how quickly the time is flying by now. We are just starting our second week of school for all of the kids, even the homeschooled ones. Little Dude is walking, and I'm able to be away from him for a few hours at a time now, if need be. And the weather has finally turned. Finally. More on all of this throughout my daybook. 


Outside my window~

Sunshine. Blue skies. COOL temps. High of only 84 today... yes, only. We went from 100's to 80's in 2 days.  Lows at night in the 60's. Fall is here!!


I am listening to~

My two homeschoolers fighting. Oy. It's snack time, and apparently making the lemonade is sending them over the edge.


I am wearing~

Khaki shorts and long sleeve melon-colored v-neck shirt. Bare feet. Of course.

(on the ferry heading up the Georgia Strait)


I am so grateful for~

Cooler weather. After over 65 days straight of triple digits, the cooler breezes seem miraculous. Indeed, they are. I am SO grateful.


I am pondering~

The balance of homemaking.  Specifically, a home that is kid-friendly, but neat. Our house will never be Pottery-Barn perfect. Our furniture is mostly hand-me-downs... and when I have toddlers running through it hither and yon, I'm glad for that. I can let go of my worry about our things and focus on our company.  However, I also know that children love beauty and order. How to balance both. How to not obsess but be organized. It may seem like a no-brainer, but this is hard for me.


I am reading~

Just finished The Help for book club.  Highly. Recommend.  My goodness, what an amazing read. 
I'm now reading Innocent Blood for book club, and The Children's Homer for the Lit class I teach.


I am thinking~

About my school kids. All day I think about them, checking their schedules, seeing what class they are in, and I pray for them.  They are doing so well at school. I can hardly believe it. 

(excuse the early-morning, Papa-in-a-hurry shot)


I am creating~

New bedrooms. DH and I, side-by-side. Boo and Love's room is finished.  We painted the boys' room yesterday. DH is building lofts. It's slow, but we are making progress. What a crazy time. 


On my iPod~

Lots of painting music.  :)

(view from our bedroom at the beach house... sigh)



Towards a real education~

Our co-op is going really well. Little Dear's classes are more challenging this year, but not overwhelming. It's a good balance. We went on a nature walk this morning. It was glorious. I think we need to do that a bit more this Fall. 


Towards rhythm and beauty~

Less kids at home mean less mess. It's really true. But it also means less hands to help if I need it. Little Dude is so much happier now that he's more mobile. I can get some chores done! And also? I can write more. How I've missed it!

(Little Dude at the beach house)



I am hoping and praying~

For Suzanne, and Charlotte, and many other intentions. 


In the garden~

Need to re-plant. I can't wait until this weekend when I can go and buy fall blooms!!


Around the house~

The smell of paint and wood stain. How fun!

(missing our family in Canada... right Little Boo?)


From the kitchen~

I've been baking. :)  Apple pie and carrot cake, for starters. The promise of fall brings out the domestic side of me.



One of my favorite things~

Yummy kitchen smells. :)




A few plans for the week~

Our calendar is starting to fill up. Soccer practices, Irish step dance, Night out for mom, soccer tournament this weekend, a coffee get-together... it's nice to get back into socializing again!



A picture thought~

(from our trip to the Sunshine Coast, British Columbia, Canada)


:)

Daybook: Road Trip Prep

This Friday begins the Nuttiest of all Nutty Family Road Trips. Little Dude and I will board an airplane and fly off to spend the weekend with my sister and her lovely family in Utah.  DH will load up the rest of the kids and our belongings and drive. 
For days... 


We'll meet in Montana.


And although I am sure Montana is a beautiful vacation destination... our final stop is Vancouver. Birthplace of DH and home to most of his family. Family that we haven't seen for over 3 years.


And so it begins.

:P




Outside my window~

Scorching sun and fresh-cut grass. Temps in the 100's this week.  We're leaving none too soon.


I am listening to~

The "big" girls eat breakfast.  In between bites, they are chatting with Little Dude.  He is munching on a bagel.


I am wearing~

White capris, long raspberry-colored tank.  White flip-flop crocs.  Hair in a messy bun. 


I am so grateful for~

Long naps for Little Dude.


I am pondering~

Every woman needs a tribe. Hang on to those you select for your tribe because you will need them as you age. And they will need you. As we move closer to the "golden years" we begin to realize that the gold part isn't so shiny. Middle age is tough, between caring for adult children and aging parents.  If we have a tribe that's seen our kids recover from chicken pox, graduate from high school, and even get married, they'll be with us by the time we need to research options for a parent we adore and who has dementia, too. They- the two or three who have loved us forever- will buoy us through those difficult middle years.

I know I'm not *quite* middle age yet.... but I'll turn 40 in less than a year from now.  And I'm realizing this truth so very acutely these days.  I need to hold my dear friends close.... both far and near.  I am blessed by them, by knowing them, and them truly *knowing* me.  I am so blessed.

I am reading~

The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers.  :)


I am thinking~

That being charitable is much better than being right.
Always.
In every single circumstance.
Justice should never trump love.

(And since publishing I have had *ample* opportunities to put this into practice. lordhavemercy)


I am creating~

A absolutely foolproof  packing system.  Complete with overnight bags and carry-ons. I will NOT fail these hurdles!  (laughing uproariously)


On my iPod~

Erm. Action Man has an iTouch. He earned the money to buy it.  Saved his little heart out.
I disabled a TON of things on it. Youtube was the first to go. (what a great Grinchy trick...) We are chatting and regulating like nobody's business. And he has been so good about it.


Towards a real education~

Researching all things Canadian.  Specifically, the customs/border patrol stuff. We're pretty sure Little Dude doesn't need a passport since we are driving through the border. I even called the automaton lady who assured me.
(sigh)
Here's hoping!



Towards rhythm and beauty~

My new decorating scheme? Suitcases! In all shapes and sizes. Looks lovely on any floor. Plus, it has the added benefit of being movable, like up and down the staircases a billion times... just because. (ask Little Boo) and?  You can pick up and leave at a moments notice!

(plus, it contains certain trouble makers quite nicely.)

:P


To live the liturgy~

Confession. I am clearly losing my mind.


I am hoping and praying~

For safe travel.  By plane and car. For calm tempers and tranquil weather.  For happy kids and peaceful parents. And most of all... for a healthy no-sickness 3 weeks!!


In the garden~

No veggies anymore.  Just trying to keep the grass green and the begonias alive. So hot and dry. Hot and dry. Hot and dry....


Around the house~

Piles of clothes... all clean, waiting to be packed up. Lists and lists.  Ugh.


From the kitchen~

Just eating up what we have.  Pork chops and spaghetti, anyone?


One of my favorite things~

Snuggles in the morning. Nursing Little Dude in bed flanked by the two little girls.  All sleepiness. :)


A few plans for the week~

Seriously? :P



A picture thought I am sharing~

Cutie-pie crocs and chunky legs.  Love. it.

:)

Ethan These Days

The last in my insanely long series....  :)

Ethan is our Action Man.  But I seriously think I need to change his blog name to Sleeping Man.  When Ethan turned 13, the dynamics of our home and family took on a whole new charism.

For example.  It seems we now own a humongous St. Bernard.  Ethan shot up like nobody's business these last 6 months and is almost as tall as I am.  With his new height and long limbs comes the interesting feat of having them all constantly under control.  Alas, our new yearling behaves much like a bull in a china shop.  All brawn, no brains.  We will hear various thumps and bumps, and all of us run expecting to see some maimed corpse at the bottom of the stairs, only to find.... yes, it was Ethan, and yes, he fell.... but it was... up the stairs.

:P

The sleep patterns.  Oy, the sleeping patterns.  How they have changed. We now have a nighttime wanderer.  I'll be half-asleep, dying to get into bed, schlepping around getting drinks of water or blankies or whatever, and suddenly a beam of light hits me full in the face.  Just when I think the aliens have come for sure, Ethan's scratchy voice assails me with some hair-brained idea for fixing the whachermacallit and he's off, bounding to the garage, headlamp sending bouncing beams of light everywhere.  He's like his own disco ball and dance partner, rolled into one.

He eats. Does he ever eat! Actually the question should be... does he ever stop eating?   I restrict snacks with the other kids, but not him.  He is constantly hungry.  Period.  I've given up trying to "solve" the hunger problem. I just tell him to go find something to munch on.  And he does.  Pickles, bananas, peanut butter, eggs... it doesn't matter, he'll try anything.  I'm just happy if we can make it an hour between binges. And, as long as he doesn't eat up the dinner I'm hoping to serve that evening, I'm thrilled.

:P

This is the child that tears at my heart the most.  What can I expect? He is the oldest.

Every time I turn around, he is breaking new ground.  There was one particular incident that occurred right around the time Little Dude was born.  Suffice it to say that liberties were taken and trust was broken.  I was devastated.  Yes, probably overreacting, but it broke my heart. Ethan was penitent. Extremely so.  The result was that our relationship has never been the same.  In fact, it has grown exponentially.  Surprising?  Yes.  And I would not have a re-do for all the world over.

 

There is an understanding and a softening of his eyes when I look at him during one of our (many) "trying" moments.  He seems to suddenly remember "that time" my trust was wounded and wanting... and instantly he backs off. He seems to know that having Mom on his side is more important than being "right" and, wanting to preserve the relationship, he acquieces to whatever maddening demand I am making on his time.  He has grown up quite a bit.

Ethan has weathered a few other storms recently.  He played baseball this past spring. I was strangely quiet about that on this blog. We'll just say that he learned a lot.  He learned that even adults do and say ridiculous things. That some people never quite grow up and will forever have a chip on their shoulder.  He also learned that most of the language one hears in a dugout filled with teenagers is not for the ears of siblings, as he deftly would persuade his sisters to sit at the other end of the bleachers during games, and could I please make sure they didn't hang around when he was out on the field? He never complained, was never made fun of, was never cast out... he just dealt with it.  I was very proud of him for that.

And I was very glad that his Dad was there with him, every step of the way.

I still worry.  This is my oldest.  He has so much more ground to cover, so many more goals to reach.  I wonder if he will succeed.  Have we taught him enough? Does he understand how cold and cruel life can be?  Is he ready to venture out?  Yes, I worry a lot.

His first step out comes this fall.  He will go to school, and I will not cry.

But I will be a stronghold for him.

Because, you see, I've got his back.

I know that he knows that.

And I think that will make all the difference in the world.