Good Friday

Marked by the Cross.

No News is....

... still no news.

:P

Actually, I do have some good news. My blood test results came back normal... well, normal for being pregnant. So, the hormones have kicked in and with my progesterone supplementation, things are going well.

On Thursday I get to "meet" the newest peanut via ultrasound.

I'm begging DH to come with me, and he replied that he would and then we'd go out to celebrate at Starbucks.

He's so optimistic, I love it.

I, on the other hand, am about as steadfast as an ice cream cone in the Texas summer. Any inkling of trouble and I melt.

For example? We were hit with the stomach bug last week, and I was feeling the effects as well. As I panicked to DH that I was not going to make it through 3 months of this wretched morning sickness, he pointed out quite logically that I probably had the same virus the kids had. Sure enough, yesterday morning I woke up feeling a billion percent better. My happiness was fleeting, though, since I then immediately worried that something had happened to the baby.

sigh

For the most part, though, I prod through the days, hopeful and sometimes even joyful at what may transpire. Remaining in the present, though, is by far the hardest thing for me to do. But it such a good lesson for me to learn.

And so this has formed and transformed my Lent. God has His plans. I am doing my best to put one foot in front of the other and lean on Him through it all.

:)

A Picture is Worth.....

... a thousand words.

But, in this case? It's worth about two.


Behold! Our Seder Meal!

















What?

Can't you see these beautiful plates set out on a deep black tablecloth? Lots of silver, saved for special occasions rest on napkins of sage, burgundy, and golden yellow.... the wine glasses at every place, with a taste of rich red merlot in each?

Look closer and you will see one harried Mama... alternately praying with her family and praying over the leg of lamb, willing it to be ready in time. You will see 5 children who are surely "starving" as moans of arewedoneprayingyet fill the dining room. You will see one brave Papa, weeding through sheets and sheets of paper, handed to him moments before by his procrastinating wife... reading and instructing his blessed, ornery children.

Such was our Seder this year. And we are still more knowledgeable in spite of it. This Mama has a lot to learn about these awesome traditions... and my children who need them.

Incidentally, who else is curious as to how Margaret's last minute Seder turned out? I bet she pulled it off with flying colors and a hearty chuckle.

:)

Sanctified Scrubbing

We're in the midst of Holy Week, and the appropriate Spring Cleaning over here that must accompany it.

I find it interesting that we Catholics have adopted the ancient Jewish tradition of three days of cleaning before the Paschal Feast.

Scrubbing the bathroom floor, I pondered this mysterious wisdom of those Jewish Mamas.

And then I remembered.

What do women do when they are upset, distressed, or angry?

(After the pint of ice cream, of course)

We clean.

When my fifth pregnancy ended in a miscarriage... the kind where we see the little babe in utero, heartbeat utterly still, where I am still technically pregnant, but with a lifeless little one... guess what I did when I returned home from that fateful doctor appointment?

I scrubbed my house from top to bottom.

My heart was hurting, the tears were flowing, and I needed the physical sweat to accompany my ache in order to validate it in some way. In de-cluttering and vacuuming, I was working through my loss. My husband came home early from work, and somberly helped me. He didn't question it, didn't attempt to stop me. He picked up the broom and the mop and set to work, staying close by my side. He is a smart and loving man.

The loss we Catholics experience every Holy Week is real. The promise of redemption is so hope-filled, but we cannot forget the pain and suffering of He who paid the price for us. Our heart aches, our mind fails to wrap around this Most Perfect Sacrifice, and we must work through it. We must sweat and scrub so that, in some small way, we too can suffer along with our Redemptor.

So that we too can experience a small slice of Calvary.

Silence.

I never, in my 4 years of blogging, ever thought I would say this.

But I need quiet.

Being the Mama of 5, I have not really known many times of quiet. My last silent retreat was in college. But the quiet of a home and the quiet of a peaceful mind are two completely different things. In fact, the noisy chaos of a rambunctious family can do wonders in calming a troubled mind.

The chatter of the internet these days has my head spinning. The trying to keep up with everyone else's lives and ideas and opinions... all while my own children play and learn and grow without my focused attention. It's too much. I'm not as good at multi-tasking as I'd like to be. And I find that my head and my heart are more concerned with the happenings in the virtual world than they are with my own family and friends. Definitely an imbalance there.

I need to stop the merry-go-round and get off and walk amongst the flowers for awhile. To breathe deeply and re-think my presence online. I have a lot to keep me busy in the meantime, for it will certainly be an adjustment. I am sure I will miss you all, miss knowing about your lives and ideas. Please keep me in your prayers... discernment is always tricky. The answers aren't usually as clear as I would like.

Just know that there has been no definitive decisions made. I have some ideas, but nothing set in stone. I highly doubt that I will be abandoning this little cozy corner of cyberspace. At least not altogether.

Have a beautiful Lenten season, my friends.

:)


flower photo from m.i.t.

Quick Takes Friday

1. Yesterday's heat wave has given way to today's cold front. How very true that in Texas, if you don't like the weather, wait a few minutes... it'll change! Except in summer. That's when we all come visit you all!

2. Elizabeth's post has reminded me of what "my place" is. The Lake.

As we leave suburbia, my shoulders relax, I start gulping in the fresh air, and my eyes hungrily devour all the natural beauty that surrounds us. I lift my face to the piercing sun and feel its rays soak into my very bones. The kids are free and unfettered and so very happy.
I need to go again. Soon. It's been way too long.

(as written by me to a friend...)

3. Successfully took the kids to Stations at the local Catholic school today. It was lovely. Right on their level, and short. I think this will definitely be a mainstay this Lent.

4. Also receiving rave reviews is the "good deeds" jar inspired by Karen and probably a zillion other bloggers. I love it. And my kids are excited at the thought of their good beans getting traded out for m&ms or skittles on Easter Sunday.... Ingenious.

5. Seems strange to be doing "un-Lenty" things the very first week of Lent, but here it is. I'm getting my quarterly haircut today (once every 3 months... it's how I justify the cost in order to put my hair into the very capable hands of Franz... ) I'm also bringing the snacks for our monthly Ladies' Bunco night. Tomorrow the boys have a birthday party to attend. A busier weekend than I had anticipated.

6. Lil Sis is doing great. I'm really quite amazed at how easily she can "roll with the punches" of living in a house with lots of loud little ones. Last night, with the heat and all, we had to request that she keep her door open to facilitate the breeze coming through her south-facing window... one of only two in the entire upstairs. She managed to read and study through the chaos of bedtime without a peep of complaint. And the kids never stepped foot in her room, even though they know that her open door is a sign that they may do so.

7. Laundry is done, but there are many more chores to be accomplished. And that's the way of it, isn't it? A Mama's work is never done, and while there are times that fact drives me crazy, there are many more times that I think forward to the days when my chores will not be necessary anymore. And I am so grateful for this time. My kids are here, underfoot and safe. How very blessed am I.

:)

Visit Jen for more Quick Takes...

Lent 2009

From Jen:

You will find, my friend, that the only possible way to find deep fulfillment and satisfaction in life is to make love your number one priority: center your entire life around loving others, loving He who is Love itself, and your soul will rejoice in the glory of finally finding its true purpose. Anything else is a distraction. Whether it's a hot job or a good day at the casino or a decadent meal or a nice car or a huge house, it will bring you only fragile, fleeting joy. Chasing after the comforts and pleasures of this world will lead only to frustration and emptiness. It is only by picking up your cross and seeking to follow the One who originally blazed the trail of a life of self-emptying love that the thirst from deep in your soul will finally be quenched.

This is what I have printed out and posted on my fridge.

This will be my mantra this Lent.

Everything that goes along with this and is in conformity to it will be my goal.

Peace.
Patience.
Gentleness.
Self-control.
Joy.
Prayer.
Adoration.
Penance.


Prayers for a beautiful Lent to all of my Bloggy-friends.

:)

Um... yes....

...about that trip?

Yeah.

Apparently the airlines read this blog and thought it would be HILARIOUS to cancel the flight right before ours so that everyone and their DOG would be rushing for our seats.

ha ha (Nutmeg laughing uproariously)

We leave tomorrow. Somehow. Someway.

And I'm not sayin' where we're going.

Because I'm not sure yet.

Can we come visit you?

:)


Happy Easter all!

Deadly Combination

#1. A very large walk-in pantry.

#2. 4 packages of Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies.

#3. One hungry Mama.


:)

Lenten Exercise

Lent is on the brain these days, and also around the blog-o-sphere.

Margaret had a thought-provoking post and one part that struck me was her statement that Lent is not about losing weight. While I agree that Lent should not be advertised as a weight loss program, I wondered a bit at what some might say the "inappropriateness" of it. I mean, why can't we put a positive spin on our sacrifices?

I have a different sort of sacrifice this year.

I'm binge eating.

Ha ha. No. Just kidding! My sacrifice is that I decided not to play soccer this season. With all of my griping about how sore I am after my games and how inept I am on the field, you'd think it wouldn't be much of a sacrifice. But the truth is, I love the game. I love the pounding of my heart, the sweat on my forehead, the sound and feel of the ball when I execute that perfect pass or kick.... I love the competition and the way I feel when I come home, all hot and sweaty and full of life.

I used to use my soccer season as an excuse to get in shape. At this time of year, my winter shapely-ness starts to wear (ha ha) on me, and I get tired of the extra jiggles I feel when chasing down one of the kiddos. An impending soccer season was all it took to scare me into running again.

Not this year.

This year it will be sheer willpower, and maybe a few Lenten resolutions. As I run, I can try to say my rosary, although I'm sure at least a few "Jesus, Mary and Joseph, have pity on me!"s will make their way into my exercise regimen.

Quite frankly, if I can unite my self-inflicted suffering with Christ while promoting a healthy lifestyle for myself.... I see no problem with that.

:)

Anticipation...

...that's what Holy Saturday is all about.

Anticipation and Preparation.




In other news, when I said back here to "hand me a butter knife"...

I received a chain-saw instead.


Good Heavens, who ever heard of snow in Texas for Easter Sunday?!?

Seder Insanity

And so I have decided to try my hand at this Seder meal business.

I can hear the gasps all around the blog-o-sphere.



Not to worry, I won't be able to stress myself out too much, since I will be using the shortened version for everything.


I am very excited to think that maybe I can help the kids see more clearly the relationship between the Jewish Passover Feast and the institution of the Holy Eucharist at the Last Supper. To try to explain the horror of living in bondage that the Israelites had to endure, and the wondrous hope of Moses... and how all of this relates so beautifully to our own bondage and how Christ's passion and death has freed us from the slavery of sin.

Or, maybe just be glad if they eat the lamb, potatoes, flat bread and baba gahnoush...

:)

Hope and Promises

From the beautiful book, I Believe in Love by Pere' Jean du Coeur de Jesus D'Elbee:

Lord, remember me when you come into your kingdom.

And the ineffable answer is:

Amen, I say to you, this day you shall be with me in Paradise.

For you, no Hell, not a second of Purgatory. The confident look you gave me, this meeting of our eyes, in my mercy and in your faith, has purified you in an instant and rendered us inseparable.

Now you are completely pure, and already in heaven.

The Good Thief has always given me such hope and joy. That we may, in a sense, "steal" heaven, or at least steal our way into heaven... That Christ sees us for what and who we are, so lovingly, and grants us our ultimate desire, because that is His desire as well.

To have us with Him in His Kingdom.

Here's to Holy Week!
:)

Marching in Hope

Happy March!

And I mean that literally.

February is always a difficult month for me, and it is highly beneficial that it is the month that begins Lent. It puts my moodiness and irritability in perspective, it forces me to come out of myself and look to others' needs even more.

But March brings with it the promise and (here in the balmy south) fulfillment, of Spring.

Even my Magnificat is ripe with hope this month:

Here's what to give up this Lent: the doubt that goes, "I can never get closer to God because I'm too sinful, too flawed, too weak." Lent is not about lamenting our inadequacy. Rather, it is a graced moment to receive from God what He is eager to give us so that we can live the friendship with Him that He
desires.

And my calendar? Filled with visits from friends and family... guaranteed to keep me true to part of my Lenten resolve (of cleanliness) while Marching me through to the glories of Easter Sunday...

Have a blessed day!

It's the "giving up" that counts

Little Boo (realizing what tomorrow is):

Tomorrow is Sunday. And that is the day we give up Lent!

Do Not Look Gloomy...

..and your Father who sees what is hidden will repay you.


Even mother nature adheres to His words of wisom, for Ash Wednesday dawned bright and beautiful. The temperatures have been in the high 70's these past two days and the sunshine has illumined every corner of the house and yard.

It has provided a much-needed lift for my spirits, and inspiration for my cleaning projects. (nothing like sunlight streaming through the windows to see how dirty they really are!)

At first, I was a bit disappointed that the weather didn't cooperate with the season. Shouldn't Ash Wednesday be dark and gloomy?

But, I realized that God was being merciful to me, and I accepted His gift with much joy and gratitude. Ash Wednesday is hard enough for this weak soul, the sunshine made me more content and cheerful.

And now it's on to my other Lenten projects!