;P
Suddenly I am assaulted from within. The Little Dude is making himself known, berating me in his own way for pushing myself again. Seems like every time I try to get something accomplished and then sit down, the WWE takes up residency in my womb.
It's a good sign, I know. But it certainly is wearing me down.
With all of my other pregnancies, I was able to *ignore* my expanding belly and proceed with life as usual. Sure, my clothes were snug and I eventually had to switch into maternity wear, but I never skipped a beat in my daily routine.
This time? I feel like my house is on a slant, and that every step I take is uphill. I persevere with my back, leg and arm exercises. I try to dress is a way that is comfortable and conducive to exercise. I am attempting to trick myself into thinking that I am still 28 and can do all I did when pregnant with Little Dear.... while keeping in mind that I'm no spring chicken and I need to be more aware of my ever expanding mid-section.
It ain't working.
:P
And so... I am forced to slow down. To sit and relax while DH cooks dinner on the weekends. He has had to physically push me (gently, of course) to the couch and force me to stay there while he cleans. He pulls me up the stairs and propels me to the tub. He tries to imagine what it must be like to carry this extra 20 lbs (yes... already!) throughout the day... and groans in sympathy. My kids, too, see the strain and pat me on the back as they dart up the stairs ahead of me, leaving me in the dust. They check on me often (a little too often) when I'm resting in bed or on the couch. They'll even step in to lift or carry something for me... esp if I ask with a pitiful look in my eyes.....
:)
I wanted this, still want this, I remind myself. It's what I've longed for, dreamed of... just one more chance to inhale that sweet newborn smell. To be the Mama... the one the cries are for... the only one who can appease. It's a steep price, at least for my weak will and shaky legs... one that I had blissfully forgotten. And with a much-dreaded c-section on the horizon, there are bigger hurdles in sight.
For now, though, I will take each day as it comes.
Bask in my bigness...
Cherish the kicks...
Imagine the sweet sleeps...
And pray for the grace to meet the next month, week, day... task...
with love and patience.
:)
7 comments:
I love how you call him Little Dude. :)
Praying for you!
I'm so glad I'm not the only one leveled by a pregnancy. I have 6 weeks left with a C section fast approaching. Your thoughts are beautiful and remind me to focus on the positive, because they certianly do outweigh everything else. Prayers for you!
Aaah. What a sweet and loving family. You are blessed! (But you know that already).
You will get through this time with HIS help. I know it's been 5 years for me, but I know how different #4 to #5 felt. My #5 was my first c-section at 9lbs. 11oz. (and a full week early). My belly was stretched and I was tired. To know me in real life and know how I move, that pregnancy slowed me down way beyond my comfort level.
I'll keep praying for you ...
So good for you to sloooow down . . . but I know EXACTLY how you feel. With Mopsy, I was pushing and pushing myself because I just wanted to get "one more thing done." Crazy, because that "one more thing" would only have to be done over again the next day ;). Still, I'd slog on and then I'd pay the piper later. Hang in there, mama - you'll make it!
Sorry to tell you, but your "advanced maternal age" (dontcha love that?) requires you to take it easy. REALLY. There is no sense in pushing yourself if something might give (i.e. your health). Your body is different than it was last time, like it or not. You have to react to its message: "give me a break."
It's not that much longer. Let the kids and your darling husband help. They will grow in ways you could not anticipate as a result. I promise. ;-)
Hey, this is the first time you have been pregnant in a house with stairs.
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