There's a new blog about. And it's a wonderful resource for all young Catholic moms out there who may feel a bit lonely and need some cyber-space friendship. And for all of us old chickens? It's a nice place to pop in and offer some motherly advice and generally make nuisances of ourselves with all of our reminiscing and amazing wisdom gleaned from years of being perfect mothers.
:)
But seriously, this post had me thinking. The first commenter said that whenever she talks about mothering, she feels like she needs to apologize for "only have one child..." as if her experiences as a mom can only be validated by the number of children she has! As if one cannot really be a mother until one has two or more children. And unfortunately, it seems as if this woman has received some "comments" to that effect?
Now. My lovely friends who have more than one child, which one of us would like to go back to those "mother of one" days? Come on, now. Raise those hands high!
Yeah, me neither. Not for a million dollars.
For me, it was a time of extreme self-doubt. My first born was colicky, and I couldn't seem to get the nursing thing down. I suffered (silently) through post-partum depression (although my DH recognized it and helped me tremendously) and all while trying to hold down a full-time teaching job.
Then, finally, after getting through the end of the school year, I found myself stuck in Florida (yes, long story. we lived there while DH trained with then-GTE in Tampa...aka "home of the newly-wed and nearly dead" all of whom were mis-placed NYers...and being a NYer myself, I could appreciate their angst, trust me.) with an 8 month old, being a new "stay-at-home" mom and no friends to speak of. It was really hard. When we moved back to the Lone Star State, I soon became pregnant with DS #2, and all of my new stay-at-home mom friends were busy with their "two or more" children. I remember eagerly looking forward to the birth of #2, if only to ease the monotony of my days...
And now, I am so very busy, but also so much more knowledgeable. Not perfect, mind you, oh-so-very not perfect! But I am competent, and able, and a bit more self-assured in my parenting skills. I am better able to get a handle on the character of this family we have and I know my own mind a bit more when it comes to those important parenting questions of schooling and vaccinating and is it a cold or allergies?
Whenever I meet a "mom of one" I just want to hug her and reassure her that it truly does get better and easier. And when she says she can't imagine having more than one, because one is truly overwhelming, I whole-heartedly agree with her. One certainly is overwhelming. But I point out the perks of having many siblings and helping hands. How wonderful it is to have other playmates for the baby, instead of just me. How fun to see them romping together while I sneak away to make dinner or (*gasp*) go to the bathroom in peace!
And while I miss the peaceful "one-on-one time" with the baby, seeing it through the eyes of her siblings is a joy I wouldn't miss.
Not for a million dollars.
And now it's up to us to encourage and reach out to these "young moms of one" not just to advise, but to befriend.
8 comments:
People always ask me what the hardest transition was, in terms of increasing number of children. They always think 1 to 2 or 2 to 3 is hardest, but for me it was none to 1. That first child rocked my world! I didn't end up with full-fledged PPD but did have serious baby blues for a few weeks. I remember feeling so overwhelmed and unprepared. It definitely got easier with each child.
I'm not a young mom? I'm not a newbie? What?? I'm still 26, right?
Why don't I feel like it?
I went to the first meeting of a new support group for new and experienced homeschoolers forming in our area and after every one introduced themselves, I realized that they put me in the experienced category. Shocked I tell you! I still feel like a newcomer who is just learning the ropes.
I agree with 4andcounting...the transition from none to one was excrutiating. The learning curve with your first is really steep, and you just have no idea what it's going to be like, so you have no way to prepare. With each one after that first, you at least have an idea, you know? I'm watching my sister transition into parenthood with her first child, and she's having a very hard time; serious PPD issues have forced her to meds. She's scared to death to have another child ever again, but I keep telling her it's not as difficult with second, third, fourth, etc. At least, I didn't think so. anyway...interesting topic! :)
I love your post! Being a young Mom(in MO and then CA) away from my home state of NJ was hard. I had two colicky babies in a row ... didn't think that was possible. I felt very alone. Most Moms were older with a few children, and I was just a 24 year old out of college. It took all of me to force myself to venture out into the world and joins Mommy groups, and find little friends for my girls. I still think of myself as shy and a bit of an introvert. My children have forced me to crawl out of my own shell.
The new stresses of having one child to the scheduling issues that come with having 5 are all tough. I like to think that it is all relative. WE can think back and say it was easy, but EVEN then, we didn't feel like it was. GOD gives us what we can handle ... hopefully a little at a time.
THANKS FOR THE BLOG RECOMMENDATION!
Elaine (also known at Momto5minnies)
Hi Elaine... Thanks for stopping by!
(are you the "mom 2 five" that comments over at Friends for the Journey?)
You are right, it is all relative. And everyone has a different experience. I just think it is funny how it seems to be automatic that "the more kids you have, the harder it is..."
Frankly, I'd rather have 10 kids than wear suits and nylons and work in an office!
:)
NOPE, must be a different Mommy ... I don't know what Friends for the Journey is.
I am relatively new to blogging (just started this past summer), and stumbled upon many Catholic homeschoolers, which is how I must have found you ;). I currently do not homeschool all of my girls (I have 5 of them), but hope to this coming fall. I love to read all the wonderful ideas.
Friends for the Journey is the blog I recommended...
How embarrassing. I guess I bookmarked your recommendation without looking at the title. Now I won't forget ;)
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