Advice For A Young Heart

Dear Nutmeg, at the tender age of 21~

So, you've met this guy, and started dating. And you've got a zillion questions swirling around your head and you are so very confused right now.

Two years ago, when you first laid eyes on him, you were astonished. His crystal blue eyes penetrated your heart in a way you never thought possible. His crazy hair and wild clothes only furthered your intrigue. His easy smile cinched the deal. But it would be years before you knew for sure...

He's a soccer player. Goalie for the college team. Funny how you didn't realize it at the time, didn't recognize the pattern... but this would be the third soccer player you had dated since high school. Standing on the sidelines, cheering loudly (a passion which continues as you cheer on your own children now) was a familiar scenario to you. Comforting, and sure. This is where you belong. This is instinctual, not learned. And the other girlfriends look to you to explain this enigmatic sport and all it's nuances... just to be able to relate, to understand their guys a little better. But for you? This is home.

You've had your ups and downs together. The "Junior Year" deadline is rapidly approaching... the one you had set at the end of Freshman Year.... If we're still together by Junior Year.... and suddenly here it is. And you feel no more sure about what God has in store for you than you did right at the beginning, at the first introduction when your heart was swept up in the moment and your eyes met, and your souls touched.

You've seen so much, and done so much these past years together. The west coast is an amazing venue for courtship. From Napa Valley to Tijuana... you have traveled it all. But most important were the talks, the time shared, not necessarily the backdrop. For each discussion, and yes, each fight, you both came away changed. The potter was molding the clay, and however painful it sometimes was, you will see also how necessary... and you will be grateful someday.

As you embark on this journey, this beginning, with all of it's uncertainty and trembling joy... here is my advice.

Stay ever close to Him. He alone knows your heart completely. No one else ever will, and... you know what? That is how it is meant to be. And because He knows you like no one else, He will find and mold your perfect fit. If you trust Him with this task completely, your life and your love together will become the most wondrous work of art imaginable.

As you look back on this time of your life, dear Nutmeg at 21... you will wish you had enjoyed the ride a bit more. That you had not worried so much, had not tried to take the helm and steer the boat. You see now how fruitless and pointless that was. You were never in control. You were never meant to be. How could you have known what a beautiful masterpiece was being woven in your life? How could you have taken the place of the master at work? Those knots you see? They are your own doing.. your own bumbling attempts to interfere....

As I sit here, expectant with our 6th child, dear Nutmeg at 21, I can assure you. God knew what he was doing. When your paths crossed and your eyes met, it was meant to be. When your heart was full of doubts and your heart full of pain, He was there, guiding the strokes that brought you closer together.

This uncertainty and trembling joy? All part of the plan.

Immerse yourself in it.

It's the stuff of Life.



*These ruminations may or may not be due to the fact that Lil Sis will be leaving(!) us(!) at the end of the month... and while I am excited for her, I am nostalgic as well for that time in my life of new beginnings....

Snapshot

Currently Watching:  Nothing.  Nada.  We do have The Blind Side from Netflix sitting in our living room... looking forward to a movie night with DH!

State of the House: Clean!  I rallied the kids last night while DH was at work and we vacuumed and mopped and put everything in it's place.  So nice for him to come home and see how much we appreciate his hard work.

State of the Laundry:  Washed, dried and put away.  Two more loads to do for tomorrow. 

State of my Mind:  Very content.  Very happy.  Very joyful.  When someone you are close to, is on the brink of the possibility of a beautiful thing, you can't help but be happy for them.  Lots of prayers, and lots of chats.  I can't wait to see what God has in store!

Enjoying:  Summer.  A bit too much, I'm afraid.  Can you believe it's July 30th?  JULY 30TH, Y'ALL!! Why is my home school room still a mess? Why aren't my books for next year ordered?  What is the plan, anyway???? 
oookay... back to my regularly scheduled pool day....  :P

Readying For:  A trip north? Another day at the lake?  Not too sure.  We are in the midst of birthday month here... so it's presents and cake and ice cream every week.  Not such a bad thing!  :)

Realizing:  That it's hard to let go.  Big things, small things... it's hard to just pray and trust that what is meant to be, will be.  If only we let Him take over.

Grateful:  For my life.  For what DH and I have worked so hard to build together.  For the inspiration that he is.  And for what is to come.


:)

Looking After Our Own

Yes, I've been on a bit of a blogging break.

Yes, I've been doing a bit of reading and a heck of a lot of reflecting.  And talking, and discussing.  There have been quite a few conversations with IRL friends that have plopped into my lap and the theme has a thread of gold running through it.

I love it when that happens.  It's serendipity.

That my meditations on In Conversation With God and my discussion with friend A at the pool mirror my chat with DH and later on with friend B on the phone.  Which, of course all relates to a problem that friend C is having.

The Christian in the middle of the world is like a light shining out from the lampstand, like a city set on top of a hill.  The first thing one notices is the humanity of the Christian- the good example of integrity, loyalty, decency, bravery. This is what gets people's attention.  The human virtues thus serve as instruments in the apostolate of bringing others closer to God.  One's professional prestige, friendliness, sincerity, can prepare souls to listen to the message of Christ.  


We have to act in such a way that others will be able to say, when they meet us: This man is a Christian... because he does not hate, because he is willing to understand, because he is not a fanatic, because he is willing to make sacrifices, because he shows that he is a man of peace, because he knows how to love, because he is generous with his time, because he doesn't complain, because he knows how to overlook what is superfluous....

And this is exactly what the discussions swirling around me have been about.  Natural virtue.  Setting an example.  The shock when you witness a "good" Christian suddenly act in a miserly way. The humble realization of your own shortcomings.  Stepping in when others can't or won't.  Praying for guidance... how much giving is too much?   Praying for more guidance... what is important, what is at stake?  What is the true intent here?

I have to be vague.  I'm sorry, but my IRL relationships here in my little Catholic community are too precious for me to squander on a random blog post.  But I can say what I have learned... and what I continue to learn.

That it is heroic to practice natural virtue.  That sometimes, it can be downright painful.  And that we may think we are being all holy and pious and charitable... that we are excelling in the practice of the supernatural virtues, when, in fact, we are falling miserably short in the perfection of the most basic of natural virtues....

The Lord wants us to practice all the human virtues... optimism, generosity, order, fortitude, cheerfulness, cordiality, sincerity, honesty.
Jesus attached so much importance to the human virtues that he went so far as to tell his disciples, "If I have told you earthly things and you do not believe, how can you believe if I tell you heavenly things?"

As I said, I am the least one to preach about these things.  But the conviction is there, and the opportunities to put this into practice, infinite. God is so good, to give us many new chances to learn His wondrous ways.


:)


*All quotes taken from In Conversation With God.

There's A Word For That

And it's a simple one...

AWESOME.


Yes, the writings of Simcha Fisher deserve a blog post all their own.

:)

What Made Me Smile Last Night...

... when I checked on the kids before heading to bed....

Little Love... rejecting the pillow, and opting to snuggle up to her humongous stuffed animal dog.

:)

Wee Small Hours of the Morning

If people were meant to pop out of bed, we'd all sleep in toasters.

~Author Unknown

I have pregnancy insomnia.

This is nothing new. With every single one of my pregnancies, I would be up for hours in the middle of the night, reading and/or writing. I have countless journal entries from those earlier times.... before my blogging days.

But this time, it is happening so much sooner than I had thought it would.

Usually, insomnia hits about month 8, when I am so huge that finding a comfortable position in bed is impossible. And I spend my days (and nights) in some sort of hyperventilating alternate universe, longing for the days when the baby comes and I am so truly exhausted I can fall asleep while sitting up.

I know. It's a crazy desire, to want that fatigue that accompanies those first days with a newborn. But the promise of that deep, dreamless sleep to come, helps me to cope with my inability to sleep now.

Except now promises to be about 3 months long.

:P

And so, I arise these days around 6am. 6:30am if I'm lucky. For our family, this is insanely early. Most of my kids don't even stir until after 8am. Yes, even on school days.

The only downside of this arrangement is that I usually hit the wall around 3pm.. and then again around 9pm. But I have learned that there are definite advantages to being the first one awake. Having the house to myself for a few hours is actually a wonderful thing!

Early mornings mean:

~uninterrupted prayer time
~being able to write without taking away from family life
~guilt-free "extra" coffee consumption :)
~getting the laundry folded (or dishwasher emptied or...)
~readying myself for the day before the kids wake up

I'm positive that once this Little Dude makes his grand entrance, my quiet time alone in the morning will be nothing but a fleeting memory of a lifetime ago. My pj's will be my main wardrobe, my coffee will be gulped down between feedings, and the laundry will be in the not-so-capable hands of my children. And that's ok.

This is where I am at right now. And I will take full advantage, so that when the next phase comes, I can immerse myself in the blessings of that life.

And the cycle continues...

:)

Some Bling

This cute and sassy award was given to me by Patty.   Have you met her yet?  She's new to the blog-o-sphere.  Mom to many, Catholic, and the best part?  A Texan.

Can't have too many Texans out here on the open range of the internet!
:)

Here are the rules for this award:

1. Thank the person who gave you this award...  Thanks, Patty!

2.  List 6 things people may not know about you.

~I'm a huge procrastinator.  Always have been.  But I can usually deliver the goods.
~Ice cream and cake are my main downfalls.
~My multi-tasking skills are borderline supernatural.
~I hate the new blogger feature that doesn't allow you to hit "enter" when you finish typing a line.
~Freckles melt my heart.
~I'm a bit of a control freak... however, I do love a bit of spontaneity.

3. Pass it on to other bloggers who deserve this award.

The definition of versatile is: capable of, or adapted for turning easily from one to another of various tasks, fields of endeavor, etc.

There are so many bloggers that fit this bill.   They are women of many dimensions, and they are not afraid to let each side shine forth. They make me laugh, cry, and ponder.  It is truly a joy to be in their circle of knowing~

Margaret at Minnesota Mom

Michelle at Rosetta Stone

Elizabeth at In the Heart of my Home

Aimee at Mother Load

Barbara at Praying for Grace

Danielle at Danielle Bean

No pressure to pass this on, gals.  But feel free if you so choose!  Just know that I value and cherish your willingness to share your thoughts and post both your tribulations and your triumphs.  You are true inspirations to me.

:)

Sometimes I Feel Like I'm Cheating

I don't like to suffer.  I'm human, but a very poor Catholic in that regard.

During my bout with morning (aka all day) sickness, I was miserable.  And rather than paste on a happy face, I slogged through my days, dressed in sweats and clutching my stomach. I impatiently counted the weeks until I could and would want to eat again.  I tried to "offer it up" but still kept the misery close.

Winters in Texas are mild, everyone knows that.  However, this past winter was a cold one for us.  We got snow.  Bona fide flakes, an entire foot of it, fell from the sky.  And it happened twice.  While I appreciated the beauty, I did not appreciate the bitter cold.  I sat huddled in blankets, sipping mugs of cocoa by the warm fire.  I enjoyed watching the children play... from inside my warm cocoon. I did not venture out.


I lead a quiet life.  Quiet as in, not public.  (not quiet as in monastic... the level of noise at times here is unbearable ;)   I do not get thousands of hits on my little blog.  I do not get hundreds of e-mails a day.  My life is not lived online, and I would venture to say that most bloggers' lives are not either. But some are expected to.  And are taken to task if they don't. 

I'm no big force on the internet.  What I post here does not get bounced around from blog to blog as different writers post their "take" on my latest tome.  The topics I write about are not dissected or made fun of, and for that I am so very glad.  I do not have skin thick enough to let my heart (my writing) be taken apart and analyzed.  To have my motives be questioned or my sincerity judged.

It is a "winter" I do not have to endure.  It is an "infirmity" I do not have to suffer.

But we know the contradiction of suffering. 
~Food tastes sweeter after 3 months of morning sickness.
~Spring smells fresher after months of a hard winter.
~The sun shines brighter when you emerge on the other side of struggle and pain.

I feel like I'm cheating.  I get the sun, and a life of (relative) ease.  I write what I want, when I want.  We have no need for heavy winter coats here, and the armor I wear in the blogging world is scant.  

Since there are no arrows attempting to pierce this scant shield, then the least I can do is to make certain that there are no arrows, no hidden barbs, in my own writing.

To build up, and to pass the blessing of charitable composition on to others.

Daybook: The Return of the Sun

After two weeks of clouds and rain and a generally unsettled weather pattern, we finally have sun.  With one day being a high of 86 this past week, it's been a strange July.  


Outside My Window...

Clouds and sun, battling for possession of the sky.  I have confidence that by the end of it, the sun will prevail.  Maybe it is wishful thinking on my part, since it has been far too long since my tired face has felt it's penetrating rays.


I Am Listening To...

Three of my children play Sequence.  All of them can play, and they take turns graciously (erm... sometimes).  But what I love is that even the littlest can play with some competitiveness.  Simply match the card in your hand to the one on the board... and try to get 5 in a row. We've pulled the plug on unlimited tv and computer games... so the board games are starting to emerge from the playroom closet.


I Am Wearing...

Maternity jean shorts, a v-neck top and brown crocs.  My hair is pulled back into a messy bun.  I was hoping to spend the day poolside, but the dishwasher repairman is due between 12-4.  :P
However, being without a dishwasher for a week makes me grateful that today is the day!


I Am So Grateful For...

My husband, who has been slaving away in our master bathroom this weekend.  It's been a messy demolition process, but that part is finally finished.  And we are getting really excited as we begin the tiling and painting.


I'm Pondering...

These two quotes...

When you go global and give your life away, you will see the world differently.  You will understand why cul-de-sacs can't contain God. You will see God as you've never seen Him before-- wonderfully ginormous.  That is a right idea of God. ~True Religion

It should be possible to say of each one of us at the end or our lives, as it was said of Jesus, He went about doing good.  We have to do good within our own families, among our colleagues at work, and among our friends, and even those people we just chance to come across. As disciples of Christ we have to be sowers of fraternity whatever occasions and circumstances life brings with it. ~In Conversation With God

And I hope to expand my thoughts in a later post.  We'll see if my brain is up to the task.
:)


I Am Reading...

True Religion, In Conversation With God, and will soon start Theopohilus.  Heavy stuff.  Very thought-provoking and soul searching.


I Am Thinking...

About perception, and writing.  And sharing.  About friendships and mercy.  Lots of conversations.. internal and with friends... have fueled these thoughts.  Plenty to ponder, and no clear answers.  At least, no pat "one size fits all" answer. God has a different call, a different path for each of us to trod.  I am no huge force on the internet, and I am truly grateful for that.  But I do love the written word... and will continue to bumble along in this space as best as I can, for this is the equivalent of our family "scrapbook"... a keepsake for me and my children. To remember, laugh and reminisce.


I Am Creating...

Beauty in our master bathroom.  Painting this week, while DH does the tiling.  I am off in a moment to get more paintbrushes and round up the troops.  We will wait for the dishwasher dude while painting cabinet doors and bathroom walls and window ledges. 


On My Ipod...

Lots of Weepies... including their new single.  And our new BNL album is uploaded and being played ad nauseam... in preparation for our next night out.  Yes, concert #2 is on the horizon.
:)

 
Towards a Real Education...

Still in summer mode, but getting ready for fall.  We continue our math drills, handwriting and word problems.  My task is to get up to speed on the fall co-op plans.  Exciting stuff!


Towards Rhythm and Beauty...

This bathroom re-do is taking up all of our time, but we're still managing laundry and chores... somehow.  Buckling down on the kids is a pain, but I'm hoping (and praying!) that better habits are taking shape.


To Live the Liturgy...

Confession this week, and mass at least one extra time.  Baby steps, baby steps.


I Am Hoping and Praying...

For a renewed sense of urgency in prayer.  My kids are growing up so quickly, and there have been a few situations arise that I haven't handled well.  A constant flow of inspiration from the Holy Spirit would be very helpful these days.


In the Garden...

The tomatoes are done.  We got a good two or three dozen out of our plants, and have eaten them all up.  I am officially addicted to fresh tomatoes on a chicken salad sandwich for lunch.  Unfortunately, the store bought ones aren't cutting the mustard (or mayo... in this case).


Around the House...

Laundry today.  And cleaning for a mid-summer bbq on Sunday.  Good food and good friends are a much-needed respite from the summer doldrums!


From the Kitchen...

No plans yet today.  The peach pie is gone, and we are full force into ice cream-mode for dessert these days.  Maybe Little Dear can whip up a batch of cookies this afternoon.


One of my Favorite Things...

Little Love's freckles.
:)


A Few Plans for the rest of the Week...

Cleaning and painting.  Soccer on Saturday, including an MLS game Sat night with Lil Sis and my girls.  It's our version of a "girlie night."
;P

This Just In...

My Mom's insanely good Peaches and Cream Pie recipe over at The Nutty Family Kitchen.

Enjoy!!


:)