When He's Gone

Mornings are spent assessing the day.  Coffee in hand, eyes searching the rooms of the house.

What can be done..
what needs to be done...
how to pass the day...
make it go by faster....

Children are restless, what are we doing today, Mama? Is a question that rings in my ears... echoing off the empty walls.  Empty now for only one reason.

He is gone.  On a business trip.  On a family trip.  The reason is not important, just the absence.  And the yawning of the days in front of me... days that must be filled.  Filled with purpose and accomplishment.

And maybe?  A bit of joy and memories?  To report to Him when He comes home to us again?  That we did survive, that we did enjoy?  That it was okay for him to leave...

Afternoon, and I am in the kitchen, scrubbing away breakfast and lunch dishes.  Children are full, resting and reading, and I am alone with my thoughts.  Dinner, afternoon activities, and evening time.  All are a-jumble and I try to focus on the task at hand.  Try to mentally fill the hours of the afternoon, trying to juggle the necessary with the superficial.  Do I really need to stop at the store?  Can it wait?  Who can I leave home?  How will it work in the plans for the day?

Dinner time, and His place sits empty.  The kids clamor to fill it, but I refuse.  Another battle I simply cannot initiate.  Who sat in Papa's seat last night?  No.  Amidst all the other 'battles' and 'turns', this one will not be among them.

Dishes and feet scrubbed, sweet-smelling hair and children tucked in.  Doors and windows are locked... front door made extra secure.  I follow the children up the stairs and run my own bath.  It is my own little secret... to not be downstairs alone at night in the quiet.  My oldest, almost a man himself, reads in my bed as I soak in the other room.  His presence is comforting somehow. 

In a day or so... He will be home.  And the rhythm of the house will return, and all will be as it should be.  His footsteps coming downstairs in the morning as He heads off to work.  His key in the lock when He returns home. I will breathe again, and life will resume.

In the meantime,  we will wait, and fill our days. 



Note to concerned family and friends... (and especially any people with malicious intent...) this post was written after the fact. DH is safe and sound at home now... :)

It's A...

B oisterous, (kicking his Mama constantly....)

O ver-joyed, (his siblings, are, anyway...)

Y oungin'. (exactly 5 months!)



We are very excited!!

:)

And Now I Wish I Were A Fashion Designer

After dropping ALL FIVE of my children at this awesome Sports Camp run by an equally awesome family we are good friends with (I owe the parents about a million margaritas.... each) I headed out to the shops, on a mission.

I needed to find a pair of maternity jeans.

Yes, I know it's a zillion degrees here these days.  But I miss my funky jeans.  I used to wear them all. the. time.  Especially in the evenings if DH and I are going out, or if I'm heading to bookclub... they were so versatile, I could really pair them up with anything and head out the door.

I miss them terribly.

I've been to Motherhood, and have been sorely disappointed.  Not only were the jeans way overpriced, but they were too short.  And definitely lacking in the funky department.  Why is it that fashion designers think that pregnant women can't wear flared jeans?  I prefer the looser bottoms, and the dragging hemlines.  I'm tall, so it has to be just the right length in order for me to pull it off.

Today, I made the drive up to Kohls (only 20 min, but still... my time is precious!) and was so mad I couldn't see straight.  Apparently, the buyers there think that pregnant women want to wear gray t-shirts and dark jeans for nine months straight.  And guess what?  Maybe stocking the exact. same. jeans. as Motherhood and hiking the price up by $12 would be a fantabulous idea!

ERGH.

And the tops.  Oy the tops.  I can't stand it.  Either I'm supposed to look like I stepped out of a Victorian painting, or the local high school.  There is no middle ground.  Where did all of the form flattering empire-waist shirts go?  And why are the shirt-sleeves hitting me at the elbow?  It's 98 degrees!

I thought I learned my lesson with Little Dear, that I truly do need to buy maternity clothes when I'm pregnant.  They simply fit better.  But this time around, I am perusing the misses' aisles and selecting the longer shirts, the pleated-front tanks, and buying them a size larger than normal.  As my body changes, I find the selection dwindling.  And it's frustrating.

A good friend told me that Gap maternity jeans were probably what I was looking for.  She loved hers, and said that one pair goes a long way. Guess I'll be making another shopping trip.

Not that I mind, really. 


:P

Parenting An *Almost* Teenager

I'd like to make myself believe... that planet earth turns slowly.

It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake

When I'm asleep...

...'cause everything is never as it seems....*

Action Man will be 13 in November of this year.  A few years ago, when contemplating the up and coming dreaded teen years, I vowed that I would not expect my boy to become a horrifying force of confusion and angst in our happy homeschooling home.  Surely, I thought to myself, there were ways and methods to guarantee that he, and I, and everyone in the home, would make the transition smoothly... with nary a ripple in the fabric of our days.

HA.

Much to my surprise... Action Man has decided that he WILL be growing up... rapidly and with many ripples.  Tidal waves, actually.

And this shift will take place overnight.

Suddenly, Sports Fan has found that his constant companion is moody and distant.  He needs "time to himself" because he is "growing up"  (these explanations provided by Sports Fan include an over-emphasis of the quotation marks, along with vigorous eye-rolling)

My own response has been varied.  While the storms rage and the frustrations mount, I have oscillated between understanding and indignation.  I understand that Action Man needs his space, that Sports Fan is developing an uncanny ability to push. just. the. right. buttons... and that Little Boo has upped the ante of annoyance to beyond bearable.

However.

I also point out that we are still a family unit.  That we still must get along sohelpme.... And that this is our path to heaven.  Together.  Like it or not. And respect? goes a long long way, my son.

I'm learning a few things, too.  Things that I have observed from other parents... parents I trust and respect, especially my parents, in remembering my own tulmultuous teenage years and how well they handled everything I threw at them. And I threw a lot at them.

1. Teenagers still need guidance.  They need to be "checked on."  Both my boys are starting the whole "lying" thing again.  But it's more subtle now.  Not as easy to "catch."  It's a pain to run upstairs and see if they really *did* clean their room, but I do it.  Make them wait downstairs, poised on their bikes, ready to take off with their friends... and haul their butts back up if, in fact, the vacuuming has not been finished like they said it was.  They need to know that there will be consequences for these fibs.  And a little guilt every now and then doesn't hurt.  Just a little, mind you, or else it loses it's effect.

2.  Teenagers need to be respected. They need a listening ear.  As the little ones multiply and clamor for attention, it becomes almost impossible to provide the setting for those all-important conversations about hockey, or clothes, or friendships, or music. Many golden opportunities can be overlooked in the midst of a hectic day.  Action Man almost always comes back downstairs after the "good-nights" have been said.  He parks himself on the couch and chats it up with us.  DH is much more tolerant of this time.  I try to grin, but groan inwardly... and sometimes not so inwardly.  Something I need to work on.

3.  Teenagers need privileges.  Action Man got an mp3 player for his 12th birthday.  He has an e-mail account.  He is allowed to cross the "big" street on his bike and go visit his friends.  We grant him leeway with watching "extra" shows on Netflix... (ok, so it's Liberty's Kids... who can say no to that?!?) 
He may not seem that much older than his 10 year old brother, but at this stage, the difference between them is a chasm.  And they both feel it.  Sports Fan may not like it, but his turn is coming.  The key is to preserve that relationship as best as we can until he catches up. 

4.  We need to enjoy what our teenagers enjoy without attaching moral importance to every single solitary thing.  I know I will ruffle some feathers here. But there are some hills not worth dying on.
Action Man has the advantage of having a hip, cool Auntie who lives with us and makes him awesome cd's of the music he enjoys.  So, we have heard Miley Cyrus, and Justin Bieber and who knows what else... ad nauseam in our living room during clean up... and other random times.  Do I like this music?  Not really. Are these kids people I want my kids to idolize? Um... no.  But we do not have posters up nor do we watch tv shows where they are featured.  We simply enjoy their talent.  Together.
Oh, and we mimic their hairstyle.  Erm... that would be Justin Bieber's, not Miley's.  :P
And yes, it drives me crazy that Action Man's hair hangs in his face and curls around his ears and generally looks like he just rolled out of bed... but I know that it's temporary.  He has already made some noise about it getting too hot... not a coincidence that I am allowing this as we approach 100+ temps... I can be a pretty smart mama, you know.

;)

It's a tightrope walk, this balance between being there and letting go.

Between guiding and trusting. 

But there is a lot to enjoy and marvel at along the way. Because, if nothing else, teenagers are notorious for their wide open eyes and big plans.  They are on the verge of taking on the world.

I'd like to make myself believe... that planet earth turns slowly.

It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake

When I'm asleep...

Because my dreams are bursting at the seams.*

:)


*Lyrics brought to you by one of Action Man's favorite bands... Owl City. And this Mama must admit they're growing on her, too. :)

Guess Whose First Communion We Celebrated Today?

Oh, wait... here's a more proper one...

And, since we must include other members of the family....

And, of course, the sisters....

Some of whom clearly cannot wait until it is their turn....

It was a lovely, grace-filled day!!

:)

Daybook: It's Summertime!

School ended Friday.  The kids are super-relieved to be on vacation.  The irony is, since camp starts this week, we are getting up earlier than we ever do during the school year.  And... surprise, surprise... the kids are not complaining a bit.
:P


Outside my window...

The sun is searing through the little smidgen of clouds that have dared to appear in the sky.  The past 3 days we've seen temps hovering near the century mark, with Saturday being the first official triple digit day.  Hellllooooo summer!


I am thinking...

About summer schedules. I'm glad for a bit of leeway in our learning program, to have the chance to do some fun learning after an entire school year of a canned curriculum.  I just hope I can follow through with all of my ideas!




I am thankful for...

Feeling normal.  Having energy.  A healthy baby.  This little one does plenty of flutter kicks to reassure the Mama that all is well.  I'm always grateful for them.




From the learning rooms...

We are in the process of a massive de-cluttering mission.   The closet has been organized, and now we need to pack up the books.  I'll need to replenish our craft shelf for the summer (for the kids... not me! lol) and start implementing our summer learning schedule.  Just some math facts, one big word problem, some handwriting, and lots of reading.  My thought is that after applying rigor to their minds, they will be more than happy to exercise their imaginations with a bit of peaceful play.



From the kitchen...

Dinner menus, and lots of events to plan/cook for.  Specifically, Little Boo's First Communion on Sat evening! 
 

I am wearing...

Black maternity skirt, tie-dyed black/white tank top, white flip flops.  The hair is curly.


I am creating...

Plans for this week.  In my head only, though.  Bad idea.  :P



I am reading...

 The Hidden Garden for bookclub.  A large book, but a fast read. 




I am hoping...

That I can use my time wisely this week.  That I can be disciplined but still joyful.




I am hearing...

Silence.  Little Love is snacking on grapes and Action Man just woke up.  The 3 others are having a ball at camp.






Around the house...

Cleaning cleaning cleaning.  We are hosting a bbq for the families of the First Communicants on Sunday.  I'm trying not to let my inner perfectionist take over, but I do want things to be clean at least. 


One of my favorite things...

Rainy summer mornings.  
:)



A few plans for the rest of the week:

Lots of time with Little Love.  A few projects, lots of cleaning, and a simple living room re-do.  It's amazing what a different rug can do to a color palette. 





Here is picture for thought I am sharing...

Tulips are my favorite flower by far.  The more untamed the better.  I love how they splay out without a care as to proper decorum or neatness.  Instead of staying huddled together en masse, they shoot out their beauty for all the world to see~

:)

Little-Soccer-Boo

Because I didn't have enough craziness in my life, I let myself be talked into going to an ALL DAY tournament two days after our massive road trip home from California.


Here's how it all went down:

Little Boo has started playing soccer on a great team in a local all-girls' league.  Her coach was a bit of a stickler at first, causing DH and I to wonder what exactly we had gotten ourselves into. They practiced twice a week for an hour and a half... they had to arrive at games 30min before... we had to pay fees exactly on this date at this time.... the uniform cost a pretty penny...  All this for an under 7 team!

I was a bit apprehensive.  This guy and this team seemed a bit... intense... for our family.

Then came the first game.

Little Boo, in her super-cute and sassy pink uniform, headed out to the field to play defense.  I was highly skeptical, but bit my tongue.  And I was in for quite a surprise.

Of all of my soccer-playing children, Little Boo was good.

Not only could she steal the ball from the fast moving forwards and kick it back down the field, but she also seemed to intuitively know and understand where she needed to be at all times. I was so used to eating my own fist when it came to watching the kids play, (what with me feeling helpless as my soccer-clueless children gallivanted all over the field, always in the wrong position, always misjudging the play... I had a heart-attack at every game....I was quite the sideshow for my friends :P ) that I didn't quite know what to do with myself when it came to Little Boo's games. 

I could... sit back?  Enjoy? Simply cheer her on?

What a concept!
:)

During our vacation on the west coast, Little Boo kept bringing up this tournament.  It was an all day affair, the Saturday after we returned. It was over an hour away, and the girls would be expected to play 4 games total.  DH and I said NO. WAY.  But Little Boo was determined.  We'd be enjoying our hamburgers at In-n-Out, and she would ask about the tournament.  We'd be playing in the sand at the beach, and the tournament would be on her mind.  We'd be waiting in line at Disneyland, for heaven's sakes, and she would ask if she could play in the tournament with her team.

And so, at our hotel in Gallup, NM I got an e-mail from her coach.  He had a few last-minute cancellations for the tournament, and could really use Little Boo, he said.  After discussing it with DH the next day, somewhere between Albuquerque, NM and Amarillo, TX, I texted the coach  and said that she could play.  A few phone calls back and forth... and we were set.

Little Boo was ecstatic.

And the rest?

Is a picture-post...

She took most of the goal kicks...

She did a great job of shielding the ball from the other team....

She had awesome positioning on corner-kicks...

She had a great time with her teammates....

And she came out a winner...

Of course.

:)

Recuperating

Is this thing on????
:P

What a whirlwind trip.

Yes, we are home. Have been for quite a few days.

And boy, what a crazy few days it has been!

Our time in California was wonderful. Really and truly, a beautiful vacation.

A picture perfect shot, no?
:)

Even though the water was quite frigid!!

Of course, Little Boo was the first to fall in.  When asked what happened she responded...
Kinda weird.  The water pulls the sand out from under your feet!

And she huffed away indignantly.
How dare that ocean.  Really, how rude.
:P

We went to a beautiful graduation at my breath-taking Alma Mater.

That's my godson Sports Fan is holding... quite the cutie!

After graduation we crashed at the beach house and entertained approximately 80 billion people.

No, not really.  But with our group it sure felt like it!
:P
So, we did a lot of this...

And this...

(my other cutie-pie nephew!)

And we enjoyed smelling these...

And we painted these...

I call these Beach Toes.
:)

After we tired of the beach (or, actually, had to leave our seaside paradise) we headed here:

Where we spent almost 12 hours riding awesome rides and seeing fun shows and just soaking in all that we could for our last day of vacation.

In between, we stayed with friends from college, and had a blast catching up on 7 years' worth of events and experiences (we graduated almost 15 years ago... but had seen them a few times since) and noting at every turn that our philosophies of life were in agreement.... while the kids ran around and played non-stop.
It's just so awesome to touch base.

Our ride home was long.  Laboriously long.

But, we made it.  And we have a huge book of memories to go along with our adventure.  Eventually, I'll get it all together, but for now it's here and elsewhere on the computer. 

But most especially, in the re-tellings of my kiddos. 

Which makes it all totally worth it.

:)

Daybook: Road Trip Edition

We are heading out to the wilds of a Nutty Family Road Trip in a few days. Wednesday morning we will gather our bags and pillows, our toys and food, along with a hearty dose of courage, and embark on a 2 day trip to the California Coast.

In short, we are insane. (PLEASE pray for us!)

:P

I Am Listening To...

DH vacuuming out the car.  Nothing says "I Love you" like a clean car for a long road trip.



I Am So Grateful For...

Feeling "normal."  I can eat again, and coffee is back on the menu.  Granted, it must be diluted with ice and tons of cream and sugar, but it's there.  I am so happy.


I Am Pondering...

This: I tell you honestly what I’m reading or wearing or cooking or whatever. I don’t edit myself much, mostly because my daybook is where I gather my own thoughts. I sometimes pretty much forget you’re reading. But you are. And so are other people. Some of them write to tell me they disapprove of what I’m reading or wearing or cooking (or cleaning even). It is my challenge to learn to listen to those criticisms without having them rock my world.

It constantly amazes me how people have so much time to notice the perceived speck in another's eye, yet not the gigantic plank in their own. The exacting smallness of their hearts must truly be a burden to them.  I just wish they would keep that burden to themselves and not subject other's to the shriveled state of their souls.  It is not beautiful, it does not bring joy, nor does it speak charitable instruction. 


I Am Reading...

Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society.  I'm hosting bookclub tomorrow evening!  Egg rolls and strawberry pie are on the menu.  Wanna come?


I Am Thinking...

About our trip.  I'm so excited to get there and spend time with my family on the beach.  I am so not excited to spend two days in the car to get there.  Luckily, I'll be too busy the next few days to worry much.


I Am Creating...

Lists.  Many lists.  DH doesn't understand it.  "Just throw some clothes in a suitcase and off we go!"  Right.  And no one will have any underwear and all the chargers will be left at home.
:P


I Am Wearing...

Low-slung jeans (what am I going to do when I outgrow them??) and a t-shirt, white flip-flops and my curly hair back in a pony tail.  Not exactly Sunday attire, but I'll be working over a pot of hot oil today. 


Towards a Real Education...

New plans for next year are on the horizon.  I know, what else is new?  Hush.  If you are a homeschooling mom, you are just as excited as I am!


Towards Rhythm and Beauty...

Slowly, we are reclaiming the house.  Some spaces will have to wait until after our trip.  It's the way it has to be.  And it's ok.  Really.



I'm Hoping and Praying...

For a safe trip.  Sorry, but I'm a bit worried.  I always do before we embark on these adventures.



In The Garden...

Tomatoes!  Lots of them sprouting out everywhere.  The yellow flowers give way to brown and then a glorious small green bud of fruit.  The fragrance of the plants is heavenly.


Around The House...

Laundry.  Tons of it.  For the next two days, I'll be working the machines.  The kids were told that on Tuesday they wear "dorky" clothes... aka NON-California trip clothes.  No last minute loads Tues night!


From The Kitchen...

Egg rolls for dinner tonight.  I always make a ton when I make them.  The amount of work involved is only compensated by the quantity produced.  Besides, it's been ages since we've had them.  And no, I do not mind cooking on Mother's Day.
:)


One Of My Favorite Things...

Lake trips.
We took our first of the season on Wednesday.  Sunny, high of 93.  The kids had a great time in the water.
One of the many many perks of homeschooling.
:)

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week...

Soccer practice, Scouts, and packing. Tomorrow is a party for our homeschool co-op, and a play by the 3-5 graders.  Bookclub as well.  We'll be full speed ahead until we pile in the car at 5am Wed morning.
Then we can sit.
For 22 hours.
:P


A Few Picture Thoughts I Am Sharing...

Our girlie Tea Party last weekend.

It was such a lovely day!

:)

The Definition of "Appropriate"

And yes.  The name of her team really is SPICE.


:P