Daybook: Emerging from the Haze

... the haze of nausea, that is.  It's a slow process this time around.  I'm not bouncing back as quickly as I'd like.  But I'm trying to be patient, and taking full advantage of my fleeting feelings of "normalcy" as they crop up. Slowly but surely, I'll be back to my old self.


Outside my Window....

Sunshine and cool temps.  At least for the morning.  We are at that time in Spring where I love living in Texas.  Cool, open-window nights and warm, afternoon sun that soaks right into your bones.  We've been doing a lot of schooling outside.
:)


I Am Listening To...

A neighbor mow his lawn.


I Am So Grateful For...

Friends who bring me a meal when I feel like I simply cannot cope anymore, and offer me sage advice when I commit to something and then panic about following through.


I'm Pondering...

Grace.  And how it comes even when we are not worthy.  Even when we fall on our faces and fail utterly.  It's still there for the taking.  I am so grateful.


I Am Reading...

In between books right now.  Still keeping up with In Conversation With God for my morning/mid-day prayer time.  I'd like to get my hands on Michael O'Brien's latest.  And am waiting (patiently?) for Elizabeth and Danielle's book.
:)



I Am Thinking...

About tea parties and little girls.  I'm hosting a girlie tea party here this weekend for our homeschool group.  Having never done this before, I am a bit nervous.  Hopefully it will all turn out beautifully.  Pictures, promise!



I Am Creating...

Lots of plans in my head.  My energy is slowly returning... very slowly.  And the chaos is starting to bother me.  Plus, we have a major road trip coming up in a few weeks.  Lots of things to do before then!



Towards a Real Education...

I'm focusing mostly on the little girls these days.  The older kids' school is winding down with standardized testing this week.  My little ones are eager to keep at it, though.  I'm fighting the temptation to declare an early summer vacation.


Towards Rhythm and Beauty...

I'm slowly reclaiming my house.  The chore chart is up again, and the kids have been warned.  It's always hard to get back into a routine, but I hope it won't be too hard of a transition this time.


I'm Hoping and Praying...

For a very special intention.  This is the second friend with a due date near mine to have suffered a miscarriage.  It saddens me greatly.  The pain is so close, so sharp still... after all this time.


In The Garden...

A little green tomato has appeared!  And the abundant yellow flowers on all of the plants are very promising indeed.  Our strawberries are miniscule, but the herbs are doing well.  My next door neighbor helped me plant geraniums in the front bed, and has given me some asylum for the back.   Little Boo is out there right now preparing the beds for me.



Around The House...

Cleaning.  And laundry. And baking.  I have a lot of catch up to do!



From The Kitchen...

Rhubarb!  I bought some at the store yesterday, along with some strawberries.  I'm thinking Strawberry-Rhubarb Crunch served with whipped cream sounds heavenly right now.


One of my Favorite Things...

Mornings in the sunshine.  The wind is chilly this morning, but weeding the tomato patch with the warm sun on my back and listening to a chattering Little Love was delightful.  The fresh air and sunshine always lifts my spirits and calms my stomach... every. time.



A Few Plans for the Rest of the Week...

State testing for the kids, confession, a haircut for me, (and a birthday, too!) along with Bunco, a tea party, and a meal for a friend with a new blessing.  Yes, I am totally taking my time getting back into the swing of things, can't you tell?
:P


A Picture Thought I Am Sharing...

Little Boo... reaching towards great heights.

:)

Sorrow

It is with great sadness that I read this morning that Charlotte has lost her little one.

Please join me in prayer today for her and her family as they deal with this great loss.

Forever

He comes to me, pajama-clad, the swagger of a ten-year-old on top of the world... gone.  His lower lip quivers as he asks if he can have a chat with me.

Warm from my recent bath and ready to call it a night, I invite him into my room and listen as he relays his fears.

Heaven.  He whispers.  It's... forever?

I nod.

And wait.

His mind falters, and his words convey the awe and hopelessness of such a concept.

I can't imagine being in one place for so long.  Where there's... nothing else. Nothing more.  That's it.

And his eyes widen in fear.

I smile to myself.  How many times have I approached my own father throughout the years, paralyzed by such a concept.  Unable to wrap my mortal mind around the approaching infinity.  Unwilling to believe that joy could be associated with such an end.

I gather him into my arms.

Our life here, I whisper into his mop of blond, what do you think of it?  Would you like things always to be this way?  With you, and Mom and Dad... living in this house... together.  Would you like that to last forever?

His tender heart of 10 glows and his eyes sparkle as he looks up at me and nods emphatically.

So, I continue, think of Heaven as this.  As our life together here... but forever.  Everything you love, surrounding you...  and you... continuously happy and filled with unimaginable joy.  No more tears, scrapes or falls.  Only happiness.

He sighs and settles into my arms.

But then he stiffens...  We just need to make it there.

And that, I say firmly, is what we will do... together.

So we sit, rocking back and forth, a tangle of ten-year old arms, sweet boy-hair and a melting Mama-heart.

And I can't help but think... forever isn't nearly long enough.

Math, Little Boo Style

While doing her Math U See this morning...

Little Boo:  Mo-o-o-m!  This is so hard!  I'm counting on my fingers and my toes...

And I can only get up to 14!!


:P

Two Wolves

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.

He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.

"One is Evil - It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

"The other is Good - It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, honesty, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."





h/t my inbox

Little Miracles

As I stumble throughout my days, counting down to the magic "12 week" mark when I can finally eat... and breathe... and enjoy my expanding belly...

I have to admit I haven't been the happiest of campers.

I am so thrilled that this new life is growing inside me... it's just that the physical side effects have left me weakened.  I don't do "weak" well.

Who does?

So, yes, I have been discouraged.  And dismayed.  And disgusted.  Crawling uphill, with no respite in sight.  Tons to do and no energy.  Dragging through my days and not feeling God's push.  Praying, and then forgetting my prayer.

Until today. God showed me today how much He loves me, by allowing other people to love me.

~Today, a wonderful friend of Lil Sis' came over.  She needed pictures of the kids for a class project, and wanted to take care of them for awhile so I could rest.  She came bearing cupcakes.  The kids were ecstatic.  Just as I was about to retire, she pulled out a bag... a huge bag... of brand new, customized crocs.  One pair for each of us.  I couldn't believe my eyes. She works at one of their stores and gets a discount.  She accessorized each pair according to the kids' personalities. They are so awesome. The kids haven't taken them off.

~Also today,  after enduring enjoying 3 hockey games compliments of my boys, I came home to a miraculous e-mail. You see, the awesome camp my kids attend every year is having registration this week.  It's hierarchical.  And since we do not belong to the parish, or the school, I really have to be on track with getting our forms in pronto.  Well, being sick and scatter-brained... I totally dropped the ball.  I sent an e-mail to the guy in charge, asking if there was any room left at all.  His response?  Can't have a camp without the Nutty Family.  Attached are the forms.  Get them to me ASAP.

 Tiny, small miracles.  But how they have boosted my spirits today!  When I e-mailed the head of the camp, exclaiming my gratitude and telling him how we all thought it a miracle, he summed it up perfectly:

Our God is a God of miracles.
I hope the children learn to expect them with a total sold-out faith.

Amen. (And maybe the Mama can begin to learn that, too...)

:)

Easter Daybook

Since the Easter octave is eight days long, I am taking my time with this one. Also? I am on a roller-coaster ride with these hormones. Good days and bad days. Not attitude-wise thank goodness, just stomach stuff. Luckily, my kids are learning fast that a Mama who takes a nap is a happy, dessert-making Mama in the evening.

:)

Outside My Window...

Sticky. Humid and sticky. The change of seasons brings storms... tornados and fantastic thunder and lightning. In between times? Sticky-ness. Yuck.


I Am Listening To...

Silence. The pre-dinner playtime romp has moved to our neighbor's home down the street. Usually, we are party central. Today, I am glad for the peace and quiet.


I Am Wearing...

Yoga pants and tank top. My wardrobe is extremely limited right now. The pessimistic side of me won't let the optimistic side of me indulge in maternity clothes just yet. Luckily, I wear things low on my hips... I still have a few pairs of pants and shorts that will work for now. Although, at 9 weeks, I'm already starting to show a bit. Won't be long before I'll need to buy a whole new wardrobe. Shucks darn, eh?
:P


I Am Thankful For...

Understanding friends who include us in their extended family's Easter celebration. Lisa's family always welcomes us with open arms, and I have never been so grateful as I was Sunday. After mass and a nap, we headed over there to enjoy amazing food, lots of good conversation, and tons of playtime for the kids. Sitting there, drinking my ginger ale punch, I was able to relax and enjoy the company and the food. It was the best gift ever.


I Am Pondering...

Strategies. Specifically, napping strategies. Naps are the only way I'm surviving. So far, the kids are being awesome about it. For the most part. :P


I Am Reading...
Just finished My Sister's Keeper, and am now starting the Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society. Both for bookclub. Both great reads.


From The Kitchen...

(Ri-i-i-ght. Moving on) No, seriously. I promised the kids magic cookies bars tonight. I'll make a quick trip to the store for sweetened condensed milk and coconut. And maybe I'll post the recipe on my cooking blog later...



I Am Thinking...

That I will never ever like food again. At least, I can't even imagine what that will be like, when I can actually drink coffee again and eat and eat and eat! Cannot imagine.


I Am Creating...

A baby. :) And it takes up all of me. In fact, it takes more than I have. I told DH last night that I am merely the ghost of me. I am not fully here. Any extra energy I ever had is gone. And what I need in order to accomplish my duties for the day are gone too. Only a few short weeks, and I'll be over this hump, but to a Mama with a car load of kids and a busy schedule, there are some moments of despair. I'm learning to let it go and do what is necessary. My kids and DH are stepping up to the plate in a huge way. We are all learning right now.


Towards a Real Education...

Our morning routine has been tweaked, so I can nap in the afternoon. Yesterday went really well. I know it will be an uphill climb at first, but it will pay off in the end.


Towards Rhythm and Beauty...

My house is a wreck. :P And it will stay that way for awhile. Yes, the kids do their chores and DH is wonderful, but the nooks and crannies need wiping and dusting. The clothes need changing over, the toys need to be gone through, and I simply cannot do it right now. I'm trying to be ok with that. Really.


To Live the Liturgy...

Morning prayer remains. My moment of peace to start my day. I cherish this moment, and am half-glad for the early hours of insomnia I seem to have habituated myself to.


I Am Hoping and Praying...

For this wee one inside of me. I had another sono last Thursday, and cried when I saw the heart beating. Is it possible to be so in love this early on?


In the Garden...

DH planted the herbs, tomatoes, and strawberries. I'll be talking to my neighbor soon about changing out the pansies in the front. By the end of the month I should have enough energy to tackle all the flower beds... *fingers crossed*


Around the House...

DH is trying to get the master bathroom finished. With all the sports around here, and me down for the count, it's a losing battle. Poor guy. Hockey season is almost over, so hopefully he will be able to pick it up again soon.


On Keeping Home...

Didn't I say I was OK with the mess? Trying to rub it in? :P


One of My Favorite Things...

Hot showers and baths. It's my only respite from the nausea. Thank goodness I'm not one of those women who gag in steam! I think I would truly go crazy if that were the case.


A Few Plans for the Rest of the Week...

Sports. Surprised? We have 5 games on Saturday, since the boys' hockey teams are now in the playoffs. Games on Friday and Saturday. Sports Fan has two games to play Saturday. Plus the girls' soccer season continues. I do enjoy watching them play, so it's not a bad thing. Just makes life extra busy!


A Picture Thought I Am Sharing...















This is how Little Love spends her time at the soccer field. She brings tons of little toys and sets up a tent to block out the sun and the wind. That and snacks are what get us through.

:)

Waiting

The azaleas in our backyard are poised, ready to celebrate.
















On the verge of bursting forth in glory and triumph.


















Although there a few, and I can so relate, who cannot wait to spread the joyful news!

Happy and Blessed Easter, y'all~

:)

Good Friday

Marked by the Cross.

What Our Holy Week Looks Like

We've been honored to play surrogate family to this amazing young athlete this week.
















Soccer runs in our blood, and my kids are used to the long games, the hours of sunlit afternoons perched on bleachers. They come prepared.





















We are always watching family. My boys, my sister, my girls...

This time we are the stand-in family. To help a Mama who has become a dear friend. To ease her worry and provide close support... and cookies.

:P





















We cheered on this corner kick goal. And on the penalty kick goal. And the very first goal. With a hat-trick, Paddy was the man of the day!






This is, by far, my favorite shot...

















Sports and family. Like rhythmic heartbeats, they go hand in hand.

Even 2000 miles away.


:)


*for more, better quality photos, and a lovely narrative, visit Charlotte.