Mirror Image

He pushes past the table, making straight for the couch and flops down. His jet black hair falls in front of his eyes as he automatically brushes it aside. Braces set his smile afire and words tumble out, relaying in detail his latest conquests on the hockey rink.

Who is this monstrous boy, this young man with ripped jeans and hazel eyes? With freckles and that crescent scar on his left hand? With ear buds hanging out of his pocket and scapular hanging out of his shirt? This boy turning man...

"His Father's Son" it has been proclaimed of him.

But I know better. I am the Mama. And I see.

I see the anger and pain behind his eyes as he struggles to make his thoughts understood. When the injustices pile up and there is no one to lash out at. When he feels the strength of the world on his shoulders, and also the burden. When he is the conqueror and the conquered.

My man-boy has a protective side that I haven't seen in a very long time. But now that his Mama is down, is whimpering in the corner, feeling helpless as her body supports a new life... my boy has become a young man. Imperfectly, slowly, and somewhat awkwardly, he is rising to meet his birthright as the oldest in this growing family. Somehow, he feels the weight and importance now as never before.

Exhorting his siblings, stepping up to the task, assisting his dad, asking if I'm feeling ok...

And last night, as I looked deep into his eyes ~a mirror of my own~ he told me..

Aw, I love you too, Mom.


:)

Hiatus

The reason is.... (how apropos!) over here.

:P

One More Life

A wave of nausea washes over me and I grip the edge of the kitchen counter. Children and chaos swirl around me as I struggle to maintain my composure while giving voice to restore order. No matter that I have tried to explain to my older children a thousand times before, no matter that they themselves have just recently recovered from the stomach flu and should be able to sympathize a bit.

No matter.

Being infertile for 6 years has afforded me an excuse of amnesia. I have simply forgotten. Forgotten what it is like to be 2 months pregnant. Forgotten the nausea and fatigue. Add to that a houseful of children and the duties of homeschooling, and you end up with one bewildered and exhausted Mama.

But I wouldn’t change it for anything.



Read the rest here.

Little Boo-ism

Little Boo: "You Shall Not Commit Adultery" What does that mean, Mama?

Me: Well, it's when you don't keep your heart and mind pure. Like when you watch a TV commercial you know you shouldn't watch.

Little Boo: Oh. Well. I committed adultery once.


:P

No News is....

... still no news.

:P

Actually, I do have some good news. My blood test results came back normal... well, normal for being pregnant. So, the hormones have kicked in and with my progesterone supplementation, things are going well.

On Thursday I get to "meet" the newest peanut via ultrasound.

I'm begging DH to come with me, and he replied that he would and then we'd go out to celebrate at Starbucks.

He's so optimistic, I love it.

I, on the other hand, am about as steadfast as an ice cream cone in the Texas summer. Any inkling of trouble and I melt.

For example? We were hit with the stomach bug last week, and I was feeling the effects as well. As I panicked to DH that I was not going to make it through 3 months of this wretched morning sickness, he pointed out quite logically that I probably had the same virus the kids had. Sure enough, yesterday morning I woke up feeling a billion percent better. My happiness was fleeting, though, since I then immediately worried that something had happened to the baby.

sigh

For the most part, though, I prod through the days, hopeful and sometimes even joyful at what may transpire. Remaining in the present, though, is by far the hardest thing for me to do. But it such a good lesson for me to learn.

And so this has formed and transformed my Lent. God has His plans. I am doing my best to put one foot in front of the other and lean on Him through it all.

:)

The Rollercoaster of Emotions...

... and choosing not to get strapped in, is a very hard thing to do.

With the unexpected thrill of this pregnancy comes a mountain of fear and worry.

There are times when I am almost positive I am about to miscarry, and I rush to the bathroom.
I also tend to want to distance myself from this new life, not get too attached.
But then I find myself stroking my stomach and willing that we meet in this life.
And I want to take a picture of my emerging "bump" and cherish it.

Mostly, though, I worry.

I'm not sick enough, I'm not tired enough, what was that sharp pain? how come I want to vacuum? shouldn't this raw meat send me over the edge? should I be lifting this box?

It takes all of my mind's strength (and constant prayer) to focus on the present.

I am pregnant... now.
This little one is with us.... now.
My children are joyous... now.

Who knows how long our newest peanut will be with us? And any time I am allowed is a privilege and an honor.

In every moment, I choose to love, to trust, and to be joyful. The alternative only brings stark sadness, and will not help to alter what God has willed for us.

I'm trying to keep my feet firmly planted in faith and hope, and pass on that dizzying ride of despair.

:)

This Present Joy

While we all pray that it is not fleeting,(please join us!) I am glorying in the present moment.

~every twinge of nausea
~every ache and pull
~the thickening of my middle
~the craving of homemade bread, toasted with butter
~the extreme fatigue at the end of the day
~the tears of joy and wonder...

:)


*Of course I took two tests! I'd have taken 10 if I had 'em! After 6 years, wouldn't you? :P

Boy Sense

Checking on Action Man's math progress, I opened the door to his room...

Action Man: Quick! Close the door!

Me: Huh? Why?

Action Man: It reeks of... of... bug spray out there!!

The culprit?

Lil' Sis's perfume.

:P

Daybook: A Tease of Springtime

This weekend was glorious. So glorious, I was able to read whilst sitting in the sun and am sporting a bit o' pink on my cheeks. Spring is on the way!

:)


Outside My Window...

Rain. And lots of it today. I'm okay with it, as long as it's not an all-week thing.



I Am Listening To...

The coffee pot brewing it's magic.



I Am Wearing...

Jeans, crocs, and a big olive green comfy sweater. The hair will be curly today. ;P



I Am Thankful For...

Home school co-ops. Little Boo starts her new one today. One morning a week filled with Science, History, Art, Grammar, and Bible stories. Lots of hands-on activities for all of it. Awesome kids to learn with as well.





I Am Pondering...

What will it be like when all the beauty, all the goodness, all the wonder of God is poured into this poor earthenware vessel that I am, that all of us are? Then I will understand the words of the Apostle, "Eye has not seen, nor ear heard..." It is worthwhile my children, it is worthwhile.
~J. Escriva


I Am Reading...

In Conversation With God.



From The Kitchen...

Fully stocked and ready to go! Follow me on my cooking blog and you'll see what's in store.
:)



I Am Thinking...

That I am not the greatest cook in the world, and yet I'm having so much fun sharing my go-to recipes. It really is all in fun. Hope you'll join me!



I Am Creating...

A meal plan. I have a meal to cook for a friend, and lots of activities that begin at 6pm this week. Luckily I'm home all day, every day! :)



Towards A Real Education...

Still tweaking. Here's a question. Does a home school mom ever stop tweaking? Yeah. Didn't think so. :P



Towards Rhythm and Beauty...

Less time online translates into a more orderly home. A less distracted Mama means the kids are being held more accountable in their schooling. A certain rhythm is slowly taking shape. I'm liking it very much.



To Live The Liturgy...

I've been making more time for my own personal prayer, but now it's time to extend that to more family prayer time. Now that the Olympics are over, we should be able to use that time in the evening for reflection.



I Am Hoping and Praying...

For many intentions.



In The Garden...

Just got my latest copy of Southern Living. How I double-heart that magazine! It "gets" the seasons down here. We are in planting zone 8. Apparently it's almost time to put in tomatoes. Yeehaw! :)



Around The House...

Tea, and lots of it. Every child brews his or her own cup and settles on the couch to read. It's how they gear up for the day. I wouldn't change it for anything.



On Keeping Home...

Laundry. Lots of sports mean lots of laundry. Back to back games means Mama has to get her groove on. I am by no means perfect, just ask Sports Fan who had to wear the same spandex and underthings 2 days in a row for hockey. I'll get better. Promise.



One of My Favorite Things...

The early morning cat snuggles afforded to me by Ben the Cat. There is nothing like meditating on your spiritual reading with a purring feline in your lap.



A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week...

Soccer practices and games. Hockey games as well. Scouts and a baby shower. One day at a time. One moment at a time.




A Picture Thought I Am Sharing...

How about two? Here's Little Love, getting into the spirit of things...








































We have hockey on our minds, can you tell?

:)

Because Olympians Deserve Better...

When told that in curling Switzerland won bronze...

Little Love: Braums? Yum!















:P