True Love

The eyes... they are huge.  They sparkle and glisten, overflowing with love....

... and trust.

This little man, how he trusts.  All babies do, I know.  The Papa stands on the sidelines, tossing him high as the nearby mothers gasp.  Little Dude laughs.  Big belly laughs.  The mamas smile and continue their chatting.

Big sisters perch him on the couch, talking and talking to him.  He smiles, adoring. Listening to everything they say, laughing at their inflections.  I pass by and pause.  Then implore... hold him tight.
Please, do not let him fall.
He is too close to the edge... put your hand out....

And they do. 

Papa holds him at dinner.  And those eyes, they search.  Each member of the family, seeking... seeking...

And then, those beautiful eyes find mine, and the lopsided grin grows wide.  Wider than possible for a little man so small.

His eyes sparkle and mine glisten. 

True love.

:)

Daybook: Easter Week

Outside my window~
A gray, muggy day.  Our spring storms are in full swing.  Our weather forecast for the next week is the same.  Scattered storms, 30% chance of rain.  All that means is hot and muggy, with severe storms.  We were under a tornado watch for most of the evening yesterday.  Nothing says Happy Easter quite like making sure the "tornado closet" is available for quick entry.  :P


I am listening to~
The kids play the wii.  We're taking the day off.  A recoup day after the day of festivities yesterday.  We're recuperating our minds, bodies, and bellies.  It was a great day, and I need to rest.  Maybe a nap later?

I am wearing~
Tan cargo pants, heather blue tank top and white flip flops.  My hair in a low pony tail.  Thank goodness for pony tails.  It's been my styling savior for 6 months now.  I hope to get my hair cut next week.  At least it will be styled for a few days then.  No promises after that.  :P

I am so grateful for~
Yummy recipes online. A clean house. Helping hands. Whiffle ball in the backyard. Abundance and plenty.

I'm pondering~
The enigma that is my newborns. My babies never drift peacefully off to sleep.  Is this normal?  They nurse and squirm and kick and wail... then suddenly, poof, they are asleep.  I am sitting there, exhausted and dripping as I gently lay them in their crib and tip toe away.  Or I collapse with them in bed, depending on the hour.  Do they make babies who get tired and actually go to sleep on their own?  I am somewhat serious here.

I am reading~
Library trip today! Thank goodness our local library doesn't charge late fees. We'd have to take out a loan to pay 'em.  I need to get The Host for book club....

I am thinking~
About college graduation parties. Lil Sis graduates in almost 3 weeks. What an amazing time it's been, journeying with her.  She will live with us for one last summer and then move out for good.  I'm excited for summer, and for the time we'll have with her. I'm excited for all she is allowing God to do in her life right now.  She is praying and trusting like never before. Given what she's been through (and it's been so rough for her) I'm inspired by her Faith and Hope.  She knows like never before that God is faithful.  And she is stepping out, with arms wide open, to receive what He will give.  And I know it will be abundant.  She is an amazing person, and  there is so much good in store for her.

I am creating~
Menu plans for graduation weekend.  We'll have at least two families celebrating with us.  Plus whomever else gets invited at the last minute.  :D  I want it all to be fun and yummy and not stressful. Yesterday was fun, yummy and not stressful... so can I triplicate that for 3 days in a row?  We'll see.

Towards a real education~
Well, it's official.  The boys will be at private school next year.  It's a wonderful, Catholic, (non-diocesan) private school.  It's a family-oriented place where certain tv shows, movies and music artists are banned.  It's a place filled with faithful Catholics and classical learning.  Where sports and family intermingle.  I am so excited for the boys.  And I am so certain that this is what God wants for them right now. And yes, I am extremely nervous, but firmly committed.  We'll do what it takes to make it work.  Praise God for this option in our lives!

To live the liturgy~
Little Dude is really good at hanging out in the baby bjorn,(sleeping and awake) so I think it's time to reinstate friday mass.  It would be a long stretch, since we have to be on campus (the local Catholic college has noon mass) later that afternoon for the girls' Irish step-dancing class, but it would be a wonderful way to spend a friday afternoon.

I am hoping and praying~
For many intentions, all virtual, but so very real.  I am also praying for family members, for health and peace.

In the garden~
The tomatoes are in, and coming along nicely!  We've had a ton of rain the past few days, which gives us great hope for an abundant harvest.  My pansies out front have to go... a trip to the farmer's market for more blooms has to happen soon. Shucks darn, eh?  :)


Around the house~
Order.  I need to create seamless order.  I'm tired of the chaos, the mess, and the clutter.  My babymoon has been a long one, and it's time to buckle down.  The kids helped a ton this past weekend, and I'm inspired to continue the massive clean up.  I think they are inspired too.

From the kitchen~
Leftovers!  Slow-cooked pork shoulder roast, pasta salad, boston cream pie.  It was an awesome feast, with lots leftover.  Yum.

One of my favorite things~
Tulips that don't follow the rules.

:)

Another "Rejected by Employer" Poem...

I should note that this one was "rejected" because it was deemed too complex for 5th graders.  Given the ones my 1st grader has to memorize, I disagree.  I'm not holding the purse-strings, however.....
:P

HOPPITY-HO

Peter the Rabbit is showing his skin

His cousin did once realize.

He served him tomatoes

And day-old potatoes

But couldn’t increase his size.

To the garden we go, hoppity-ho!

But his mother shivered and shook,

"No! No! If you do,

They’ll turn you to stew

For the wife, she's a fiery cook!"

The cousin did scoff, as he said in reply,

"Dear Auntie, you must worry so.

That silly old farmer

Though not quite the charmer,

Is hopelessly feeble and slow."

So Cousin and Peter did set off in haste

To fool the Farmer just so.

What they failed to consider

Was that he’s just no quitter

And he’d learned to jump: hoppity-ho!

:)

Noah These Days

Yes, I am still plowing through this series.  It has taken me quite a bit longer than I had hoped.  By the time I'm finished, I'll have to start all over again, since Little Dude will surely be walking or heading off to college.

:P

Noah is our Sports Fan.  He has always been drawn to sports, particularly sports heroes.  He was the first to be attracted to super heroes as well. His first super hero-love was Buzz Lightyear.  We joke that one time during mass, DH picked up our two year old mop of blonde curls and he raised one arm over his head and lifted one knee in perfect Buzz imitation.  Made me giggle uncontrollably. How cute that he thought his Papa could lift him to "infinity and beyond."

Noah is at a tough spot right now, I won't deny that.  At the age of 11, he is on the cusp of those teen years.  He's caught dead in the middle between still wanting me to snug with him, and then holding me at arm's length, his blue eyes sharp and unyielding. He nurses a constant chip on his shoulder, sarcasm being his defense mechanism.  It's difficult sometimes to peel back the layer that he has built up, to penetrate the wall.  Lately, DH and I have made the extra effort to "collect" this child.  And our diligence is paying off.  He is eager to remain in the fold of our family, but constantly tests our hearts. And that's not a bad thing, either. It reminds me of my priorities as a mom.  That I cannot push my children to the side, no matter what deadline or last-minute interruption has sprung up.  This young man keeps me in check. Although I still have a lot to learn.

Noah plays soccer in our city league.  He's on a team of mostly new kids.  He is also one of 3 non-Spanish speaking kids.  I watched him during his first practice, his arms folded, only half-kicking the ball, eyes bored.  His coach was yelling instructions in Spanish, and Noah turned away, frustrated. I watched the coach. He's an outstanding coach.  After practice, Noah and I had a chat.  He wasn't quitting. (but, oh! How easy my schedule would be if he did! :P) He was going to milk this for all he could.  This coach knows what he's doing, I told him. If he could stick it out, and go 110% at every practice, his game would skyrocket, I could guarantee it. Noah's eyes lit up.  He has been giving it his best shot, and yesterday at his game, I saw him deek around the other team's forwards, jumping over cleats and sending the ball to his own front line.  A little rough aorund the edges, but it's there, I thought.  Good.

He is the older brother I go to when I need help with Little Dude.  Noah is a natural when it comes to caring and nurturing the others.  He sees with a provider's eye, and steps in when I need him to.  Of course, he's not always as gracious as I'd like him to be... we're working on that.  Mostly, though he sees the need and delivers.

I am proud of this young man.  He has grown so much.

If I can only keep him close while encouraging him to explore new horizons.


:)

Daybook: Updating

I'm not going to apologize for the silence. I've learned in the past that silence can be golden. Especially internet silence.  Especially when you can revisit your original reasons for blogging and re-prioritize a bit. But most especially for a reason like this one:

Little Dude has been keeping me busy, of course.  But more on him throughout the course of this Daybook.....


Outside my window~
Sun.  Blue skies and sun.  We went to the park today, and I got 2 hours of in-your-face sun time.  It felt glorious, and even Little Dude's cheeks are a tad bit pink.

I am listening to~
My girls play nintendo and my boys play poker with a friend.  The hours of outside fun this morning has made them content to sit and relax this afternoon.  It's Spring Break. We all feel content.

I am wearing~
My comfy (and very well-loved) jeans, t-shirt and crocs.  Hair in a messy bun.  I've promised myself that I will actually style my hair tomorrow.  I think.  :P

I am so grateful for~
Friends who organize park outings.  I never would have gone, never would have organized it... just would have feebly attempted laundry or writing while refereeing fights and putting off endless requests for playdates.  It was a lovely, refreshing change.

I'm pondering~
Schedules.  More on that in a bit.

I'm reading~
The Roots of Obama's Rage by Dinesh D'Souza.  My pick for bookclub next week.Very interesting.

I am thinking~
That Little Dude needs to get in some semblance of a groove any day now.  He is the king of the castle, and I never can plan anything!  Lol.


I am creating~
A new Nut House normal.  Our sports schedule this season requires that we be away from home at dinnertime 4 out of the 5 weeknights. So, we'll be eating dinner at 4:30 on those nights.  DH and I have it coordinated so we know who needs to be where, and when.  On the nights he works late, I'll be flying solo, but it's doable.  Texting one evening with a long-distance kindred spirit while waiting at Sports Fan's practice, I decided.... no complaining.  We chose this. 3 kids on 4 teams. 2 girls in dance. It's crazy, but we homeschool after all.  We are together all day, every day.  We can eat earlier.  We can regroup after practice and showers and pray the rosary.  If there is any time in our lives this can work, it's now.

On my iPod~
Nothing new, except maybe more old radio shows for Action Man.  Tales of the Texas Rangers, anyone?

Towards a real education~
Oh dear. 'Tis that discerning time of year again.  We've always said that we take homeschooling one year at s time.  We mean that literally.  Oy, this time of year is always hard.  :)

Towards rhythm and beauty~
Trying out the new schedule this week.  Still recuperating from my solo weekend... still grateful for energetic sisters who swoop in and whisk children off to games in the freezing windy conditions.  Still trying to re-vamp chore charts....  Still a work in progress.

To live the liturgy~
Lent snuck up on me this year, I admit.  I found our good deeds jar, got some dried beans, chatted with the kids about our sacrifices and hauled them off to mass on Wednesday.  But more needs to be done.  The boys had a friend over yesterday who told them that he was giving up TV for Lent.  The boys' jaw hit the floor as Action Man said, "Dude, that's hard!"  And the friend looked at them and said, "Yeah.  Isn't that the point?"

I am hoping and praying~
For our schooling decisions, and for many many other intentions that have come to my attention this week.  So much heartbreak and sadness out there.  Keeps my worries in perspective.

In the garden~
Tomato plants go in this weekend.  My red pansies out front look glorious... and looks like spring is here for good!

Around the house~
Chaos.  We emptied out the girls' rooms thinking that we would be hosting our friends from Wisconsin for the week.  They got the flu, however, and turned around before they even got to us.  Very sad. And the toys are everywhere.  This weekend will necessitate a huge clean up.

From the kitchen~
Lenten meals, coupled with soccer practice means quesadillas on the go.  :P  The kids have homeschool gym class at a park this afternoon, minutes away from Sports Fan's practice. So tempting to pack a picnic and stay... we'll see.

One of my favorite things~
Little Dude's ears.

:P

L(ing)OL

Ok.  I have to laugh.  Talk about being misunderstood!!

:P

My post yesterday was NOT supposed to come across as a pity party.  I wanted to reflect on the impact others have on us, and how we ourselves affect those we come into contact with. 

Quite a few tragedies occured over the weekend~
Two of my friends went through heartbreaking miscarriages this past weekend. 
The niece of another college friend died at the tender age of 3 months.
I lost my "aunt" (actually my dad's cousin) yesterday.... she was a sweet, open-hearted soul.

These all were tremendous losses.  And the fact that so many people were aching shows our vulnerability, the degree to which we became involved in the stories of their lives. It hurts.  A lot.  And there comes a tendency to want to block it all out, to decide NOT to become involved, to NOT put ourselves out there.

That post was meant to discourage such thoughts.
:P

So, thank you to all of the wonderful folks who left some very sweet comments.  I can always do with some affirmation therapy, I won't deny that!  But I am ashamed that I couldn't adequately get my point across.  Almost 6 years of blogging, and I can't convey a simple thought.

UGH.

On second thought, keep those sweet comments coming.  I'm  seriously doubting my writing abilities over here.

:P

A Heart Unguarded

I have a long history with heartaches.  From the moment I enetered grade school, I wore my heart on my sleeve.  I often opened myself up to people who would prove to be less than ideal friends. My parents endured many days and nights of tears... betrayals and meanness... it was always the same story.

I don't think I have changed that much.  I still wear my heart on my sleeve.  I go out of my way to befriend, and be friendly.  I've learned that not all will appreciate my friendship, that there will be moments of heartbreak, of disappointment.  I also know that I am broken, a fallen creature.  I will make mistakes, will unknowingly offend, will be a less than perfect companion.  And that makes me grateful for the friends that I do have, that have stuck it out with me, warts and all.

I've found, when embarking upon a new adventure, or a new friendship, I have a choice.  Do I guard my heart?  Do I lower my eyes and offer little... or do I meet the newcomer face-to-face and plunge right into the dialogue?  Do I put myself out there, my arms and heart open?

In my family, do I spend time with my aging grandparents... do I make the effort to conect and re-connect?  Do I spare myself the ache of separation, of sorrow at their passing and remain aloof?

Similarly, when that extra pink line appears... how do I react?  In fear and trepidation?  Or with joyous welcome, no matter what the cost?

So it goes for friendships.  Do I spare myself the pain of being misunderstood, misjudged and ignored... and simply fade into the background?  But then. Then I will miss out on the joy of being known, of being treasured and loved.  I will miss out on the opportunities to be generous and giving, to grow in ways unimaginable.

Besides, I've seen what happens when I put myself out there.  I've experienced some pretty amazing things.  I've met some awesome people, and heard some unbelievable stories.  And it has all become a part of me.  I'd like to think I've left a bit of myself behind, something for the other person to take with them, something inspiring, something good. 

Oh how I hope I've left them something good.

Important Discovery

Apparently, when Little Dude was processed through the parts department, specifically the ear wing, the angel on duty was sleeping on the job. 

His two little ears are totally different.
 
The left one sticks out hopelessly, while the right one is completely normal.
It's truly the cutest thing ever.

And yes, we are a little bit ashamed that it took us 3 months to notice. 

But, only a little.  Our excuse is valid.  We were totally enamored with his gargantuan blue eyes.
:)

MIA

That's me.  The completely uncommitted blogger.  Not that anyone's noticed, of course.  Oh, wait.  Lil Sis said something to me the other day about getting tired of opening my blog and seeing "Gemma These Days" all the time...  and I did get a lovely Facebook note from this wonderful gal.  (We met through blogging and she knows my younger sisters...hence the FB friendship)  So nice to know that someone misses me!

LOL

It's been a whirlwind of a time over here, folks.  I don't blame anyone for not noticing... in fact, I hardly have time to notice myself.  And judging by the way I look these days, it's high time someone took notice.  Good heavens.

;P

Ok, so on to updates.

My biggest excuse for my lack of communication these days I can blame completely on the smallest member of the Nut House... Little Dude.  Just as he was starting to pull out of his unsleepy-neediness, he went and contracted RSV.  And then, just for kicks, decided to wake up Valentine's Day morning unable to breathe very well.  Nothing says I love you like a frantic trip to the ER with the man you pledged to spend the rest of your life with and sohelpmeifwegetintoanaccidentIwillkillyou... love and cherish forever.
Yes, it was scary.  No, Little Dude did not require any interventions once we got there, thank goodness.  By the time we saw the ER doc, he was smiling and cooing up a storm.  But DH and I?  We acquired a ton of gray hair.  And I don't think my complexion has returned to normal yet.

So, Little Dude and I have been getting to know the wonders of nasal spray, aspirators, and nebulizers.  3 months old seems a little young for this knowledge in my humble opinion, but with this blasted weather and the pollen count skyrocketing, it's necessary... Besides, I'm not up for any more romantic ER trips any time soon.

:P

On a completely different note... I've been gainfully re-employed to spin my tiny tales of fiction for a state testing website.  It's so much fun, but also pretty stressful, to try to make happy tales at the 11th grade level under 525 words and ask questions regarding hyperbole and theme.  No sarcasm allowed, no religion either.  So I'll have to use the blog as therapy.  (Who doesn't, I'd like to know?)


Little Boo started her insane soccer schedule this week.  3 evenings of practice, games on Sundays, soon to be Saturday's too.  I'm happy to report that she is like a brick wall on defense and totally made her mark at her very first game.  Since playing club soccer is much more competitive, I fully expected her to sit out at least part of the game, but no... her new coaches are just as appreciative of her skill at this level.  And I am hopelessly proud.  I couldn't go to her first game, so I shared my feeling of being tortured by texting DH every other second asking how she was doing.

ACTUAL TEXT:
Me: Is she still on?  And playing well?
DH: Yes and yes
Me: You are a plethora of information. Maybe you could do a play by play for me?
DH: Be still woman.  It's so sunny I can barely see my phone.

Aren't you glad you're not married to me?

So, we are plugging away over here.  Little Dude is on the mend.  My foray into the world of fiction has been a nice distraction, and I am unabashedly living vicariously through my 8 year old.  :)

What have y'all been up to?
:)

Gemma These Days

Gemma is our Little Dear. Only 10 years old, she sometimes has the disposition of a 13 year old... what with all the requests for music and clothes and such.  Although my good friend Lisa tells me that when she actually does get to that age, it will be nothing like it is now.

Hmmm.  Can't wait.

:P

My Gemma Dear has an artistic soul.  She has always been drawn to acute observation... and then she will proceed to talk talk talk about it.  She loves to create.  Painting, drawing, crafts, cooking, baking... she is adept at spinning things into beauty.  It is quite a hurdle for this craft-challenged Mama to keep her occupied.

Gemma also has a heart of gold.  She is a true friend.  Never one to disparage others, she is fiercely loyal.  And will always give her friends the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes to a fault.  She is just like her Mama in this way.  It hurts to see her hurting due to the thoughtlessness of others.  That these other girls do not fully understand the treasure that is her friendship, that her heart has been thrown to the side in the name of "popularity".  Yes, even among home schoolers there can be a pecking order.  She is young for her grade level, and the friends in her co-op are much wiser in the lingo of "growing up."  It's just a hard age, I'm afraid.

All of this comes down to my relationship with her.  How hard it can be for me sometimes to look past the fact that she has told me the same story everyday for the past week.  To see her excitement for crafts and special times together as an opportunity to bond, not another chore I must complete.  Her desire to be close to me, to bring me in as a confidant, is something I need to foster and encourage.  I'm working on it.  And the rewards of our relationship have become apparent.

This oldest daughter of mine is a gem, as her name implies. She is sweet and honest.  Open about her hopes and dreams, innocent in her loves and wishes.  Her questions are refreshingly innocent.  And her heart is pure.

It's a lovely thing to behold.

Lovely.  Just like her.


:)