Bea (not her real name) was introduced to me when I "graduated" from the elementary school that was close to my home, and made the switch to a new junior high/high school that my Dad taught at. My Dad and her Mom were both teachers there. After that first day of orientation, I spent the day at the lake with her and her family, and then spent the night at her house.
When school started, it became apparent that we were polar opposites. Physically, that was obvious. I was tall and thin with dark hair and eyes. Bea was shorter, nicely figured, with blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. Personality-wise, we were also mismatched. Where she was outgoing and self-assured, I was shy and uncertain. She knew all about make-up and boys and clothes, whereas I was very clueless in all of those areas. I think she initially took me in as a charity case.
:)
Eventually, though, we developed a mutual respect for each other. She was drawn to my faith convictions, enjoying my strong family bond and even keeping me company when I had to babysit my siblings. I still have a picture of her holding one of my sisters after she was born... just a tiny newborn in the arms of my best friend.
I'll never forget the trip to see my relatives on Long Island. I was permitted to bring Bea with me, and the night before we left, we decided to perform the ultimate act of friendship and double-pierce our right ears. We used bactine and a needle. Mine got stuck, and it was a sheer act of the will that I finally finished the job. Of course, I couldn't let my parents find out, and so the trip became a conspiracy. I think it lasted 2 days. My Mom saw it and that was the end of that.
:)
The difference in our upbringing soon became impossible to overcome. Bea's mom was always very kind to me, but constantly exasperated by the strictness of my parents. She saw no rhyme or reason to it, and did her best to undermine their authority. As a result, I was placed in many compromising situations where I had to choose whether or not to obey my parents and risk being labeled a prude by my best friend and her mom. That's tough pressure for a 15 year old.
Eventually, Bea started making decisions I couldn't agree with, and we parted ways. Unfortunately, it was not a peaceful parting. It started with a letter I wrote to a mutual "friend," expressing concern for Bea, had she started hanging out with the "wrong" kids, and was she using drugs? Well... the discovery of this letter made the beginning of my junior year of high school pure hell. Since she was confrontational, and I was not, she took every opportunity to call me names and belittle me in front of others. Turning to my Dad for help, I learned a very valuable lesson. As long as I gave her (and everyone else) no reason to fault me, I would emerge unscathed. So, I kept my anger and tears to myself. I smiled at her when I saw her coming, and when she verbally assaulted me before choir one day, I calmly told her that I was just concerned for her, and that she was embarrassing herself. I walked into the classroom with my head up, but inside I was shaking like a leaf. She continued her attacks, both to my face and behind my back, until even her close friends began doubting her. Then suddenly, she apologized, and the war was over.
We were never very close after that. By that time, I had found my niche. I had surrounded myself with a few very wonderful people. People I knew I could trust. We had a blast. I ended up dating one of the guys, and our group of 5 or 6 friends was inseparable.
So, why, you may ask... Why am I interested in what ever happened with my friend Bea?
I'm not sure.
For awhile there, I used to dream that we met again. That I was searching for her, that she needed help, and then I would find her and we would laugh at my strange dream, she was actually doing very well. But then I would wake up. And wonder...
I truly hope she is happy. I hope she has found someone who loves her, and appreciates her many gifts and talents. I'm afraid that if this is not the case, then my good fortunes in life will only serve to cause her distress. I would hate for that to happen.
Maybe she could care less about me... and wonder why, after all of these years, I would want to be in touch again.
Then again, maybe I'm not 18 anymore and should just pick up the phone already!
:)
Time it was and what a time it was
It was...
A time of innocence
A time of confidences.
Long ago it must be
I have a photograph.
Preserve your memories
They're all that's left you.
4 comments:
I had a similar experience with my best friend from elementary school. By junior high (7th grade for us) she had gotten in with the "popular" crowd, and to show them her loyalty, she would do many of the same things to me that your friend did to you. Unfortunatly, many of the other students saw their opportunity and began to do the same. At the end of that school year, we moved out of state, and when we came back, I was in a different school. I was a little older and wiser, and curious about her, so I called her house one day and talked to her. Nothing really came of it at first, but about a year later, so contacted me, and we became good friends again through the end of high school.
Even if "Bea" and you do not become good friends again, it may be worth it to give her a call. Perhaps these thoughts of her have been given to you for a reason. Maybe it would do her some good to have a stable loving person back in her life. I don't think your good fortunes in life would be a slap in the face if hers hasn't gone as well.
There was a time in my life where I wanted to get back in touch with friends from high school, some of which I wasn't sure if we had parted on good or bad terms.
In one case I called my friend's mom and mentioned that I was going to be in the area during a particular holiday and would love to see my friend again. I asked if she would please pass on my phone number and email address and her mom did.
A few days later the phone rang and it was my friend. She sounded so excited and happy to hear from me and we spent an hour catching up, exchanged email addresses and promised to stay in touch. She said she'd be back home during the holiday and would call me back to plan a get together.
The call never came.
I sent a few emails and got no response.
It turns out that she still loves me and my friendship but just wants to forget all about high school. And that's OK.
Even though it didn't work out how I had hoped calling her mom and that one phone conversation with my friend were definitely worth it.
As long as your intentions are good one phone call shouldn't hurt.
Speaking from experience, I can say that some bad nuts turn out ok in the end.
But having been contacted by people from high school (including an old boyfriend), I can say that it's a time I just want to forget. I'm not that person anymore, and would like to forget about that person.
I think calling is a good idea, but I think low expectations are good too (as in, just calling to say hi, not to re-establish a relationship: here's my blog address and email).
Well, I just enjoyed reading your little story ... very well written.
I wonder a lot about others, but haven't really had the nerve to seek out. People do change so much with time. I did have one friend that I really thought highly of in HS. We went our separate ways and then found eachother nearly 11 years later. We both had young children and would get together for playdates. She was so very different than the type of friend that I desired. We just had a completely different belief and value system. I've since moved away.
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