The time I spend on the internet has always been viewed as a treat for me. It's my down time, my creative time, my time to re-connect to the outside world. I've honestly felt that I have nurtured some real friendships here. I've been inspired, angered, awed, and moved to tears. I've had the opportunity to fine tune my own thoughts, defend my impulses and double-check my motives.
However, I've long been afraid that my quick e-mail checks, google searches, comments and writing projects are eating up time from my family.
...a minute becomes ten or twenty and then we go from just clicking and reading and start to write a response and suddenly the afternoon is gone. Or we don't write a response, but we arise from our chairs troubled by something we read and we hold it in our heads as we go about our daily rounds, and we wonder why we feel frazzled.
And then I cannot be at peace with my kids, cannot connect with them, since I am still connected with that person, conversation, struggle or joy that may have happened 1000 miles away.
Mothers were made to nurture. We nurture babies. We nurture little girls who look to us as examples of what they are to become. We nurture restless teenaged boys. We nurture young adults who are boldly going forth in the world. We nurture a love with a man who is called away from us and into the world in order to provide for our basic needs. Mostly, we nurture relationships. And real relationships require thoughtful time and attention. They can't be a click away. They require the investment of energy and understanding.
I have much to keep me busy here with my very real little ones. I also have some very beautiful friendships that need nurturing.
So, what is the answer? I cannot say at this point. All I know is that yesterday I felt lost without my internet connection, and that is a wake up call for me. I really didn't think I was that attached.
:)
Like I said.... *munch, munch.*
8 comments:
I think these same thoughts are what is spurring me to a routine and an honest re-evaluation of how often I say "no" or "in a minute" to my children's requests. I am thinking more and more that I need to restrict the time online to mornings and evenings.
On the other hand, I do think that I have met some good friends thorugh blogging, and the internet is a way to bring people together who would not normally have met. Finding friends is tough for grownups. Our mommies aren't arranging playdates anymore...
I just met a blogger last week. We've "known" each other for over a year, but now finally live near each other (30 minutes). I doubt we could have become friends through any other medium.
I think, like almost anything, it's about honesty with ourselves and it's about balance. We could really go crazy preoccupied with anything-for me I could go crazy preoccupied cleaning my toilets. I can make every single person in my house wait for everything, until every bed is made and every shoe put away and, finally, all the grime is off the toilets, and all the laundry is folded and then I'll check the toilets again, in case anyone has dared to use them, while I was folding the laundry.....
I go around my "blogs" in the morning. Checking in with my favorite people (your one too michelle) and seeing how things are going. I get inspired. I get a new idea for something to make for dinner, I write a comment if I think someone can use support...I love this because I couldn't actually do this with the phone-it just wouldn't be feasable, I drink my homemade espresso, courtesy my DH...as SOON as I am finished doing this, I think it includes maybe about 7 people...Margaret, Danielle, Matt Lickona, Nutmeg, Michelle, Jen, Testosterhome, and CNN. Then I am done. I may check later in the day-while I guard the toilets (if things are quiet and I have free time) for people who maybe hadn't written yet in the morning....but I try to keep it at that. It takes all of about 10 to 20 minutes....I do sometimes get caught up, if I read something sad.... But, I don't think anymore so than I would if a dear friend called me with something going on....it gives me a chance to pray for them. To feel connected. (Some of these people I actually do know from college days.) So, I don't know. Is it "ineffective" for relationship building? Or, is it just different? More things to think about.
mcm
Post Script-who is inspiring me right now? Jen over at army of seven and her blogs about shopping and budgeting! But at one point or another, all of you great women inspire me. Whether too look more carefully at scheduling time (michelle), to get my kids up early for mass (margaret in minnesota-her boys get up for holy hour at 4:00am, my boys can get up for early mass!), to live laugh and love (nutmeg),
to sanity, (danielle). i am grateful for all little these little pieces..... mcm
thanks, mcm. I'm honored to be one of your few diversions.
Ditto.
And would you mind dropping me an e-mail... since I know I should know who you are (I have an idea) I'd love to hear how you all have been doing!
:)
The title of Elizabeth's post was very provocative: "I was a better mother before the Internet." The irony is that she used the Internet to spread this message.
She makes many good points in her post and I think that our time online is in constant need of evaluation. That is why when the school year starts up, I have my husband password-protect my internet access during school hours. I'm serious! It's just easy to get distracted and sucked into a world that is not "our own."
That said, I have made some of my best friends-of-the-heart online and through my time spent blogging. They are not imaginary; we speak on the phone when we need to (an activity that also takes us away from our family, by the way) and I know that if ever I need to go pick out a wig, they will be there to offer feedback.
And they've been there when I have miscarried.
It is always a question of balance and discernment. Nurturing our children is our primary vocation; I wholeheartedly agree with that. Isn't it great, though, that we have such an incredible network of Catholic support to see us through some of the grunt work?
Like Margaret, some of my best friends are friends I have never met in person. Both my mother and my mother-in-law have been amazed at cards and gifts I have received in the past week from women who I know only through my computer. Even people for whom I make rosaries that found me through the Internet are such wonderful supportive people. I think that we give ourselves a hard time about the computer because they are not in-person relationships. But I remember my mother had many friends in our neighborhood with whom she interacted everyday when I was growing up. I have none of those. So I refuse to feel guilty. My children are well loved and cared for despite my time on the computer. I chose to leave the guilt behind.
Thanks for your input, Barbara!
My intention here was not to make anyone else feel guilty, just to try to flesh out my own thoughts on the subject. Hope no-one took offense!
The combination of Elizabeth's post and my one day "unplugged" was what prompted this post. As you can see, it hasn't slowed down my writing or thinking.
:)
I just wanted to hear what y'all had to say, and to further think this through.
Each person will ultimately have to decide for themselves.
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