Read a great post over at Kiwords today. She's one of my favorite stops, her writing is beautiful.
She talks about judging people's outsides against your own insides.
Let's think about that for a moment.
We all do it, don't we?
I sure do.
Kira gives a perfect example, about how her neighbor thinks she always dresses so great, but Kira insists that she would wear jeans if she could find some that fit her properly, and that her dockers are comfy, and when she looks down at the sweater she is wearing, all she sees is the egg yolk stain from breakfast.
Perfect.
There are many Moms I know who seem to have it all together. And especially with homeschooling, there are a few I know who's system rivals the FBI in being a well-oiled, hierarchical machine; with everyone's duties clearly outlined, and all agents reporting in, in concert.
At least that's how it seems. Spend a few heart-to-heart moments with these Moms, and you get a completely different picture.
But, out in the real world, you can't spend heart-to-heart moments with everybody you see. And that's really too bad. (well, I guess in some cases it might be better not to know, eh?) I don't know about you, but I hate the labels people put on me. They find out one thing about you, and wham! slap! goes the label on your forehead.
Examples:
5 kids- breeder
Catholic- uptight
Homeschooler- weirdo idealist
Soccer player- jock chic
Rock music-lover- goin' to Hell in a handbasket
Skinny- super fit
Plump- lazy
Pretty- stuck up
Dress trendy- snob
Dress frumpy- sloppy, dumb
And there are so many more! I can't tell you the number of times I needed a "second go-round" when meeting people. Either they rubbed me the wrong way, or my first impression of them was so entirely off-base, that I needed to re-vamp it and "meet them again" so to speak. And I am so glad I did! A couple who recently moved to California had me up in arms when I first met them. Their son (#3 in their family) kept knocking down my son (only child at the time) and they did nothing. I was not impressed. Fast forward a few years, and we ended up great friends, laughing at the incident, how they were oblivious and I was over-protective....
Oh! And the comparing! It's unreal. Even we Catholic Moms do it. From daily mass to curriculums to children's manners.....
But, thank goodness, we have the common sense of the Faith behind us. How we are all members of the same Body, how we all have a role to play. How there are many different paths to holiness. How we are not to judge.
And guess what?
That goes for ourselves. We are not to hold ourselves to other's standards. We are to be honest and realistic at the same time. This is the toughest thing of all.
We may not be at the same place in our Faith journey as someone else. Should we be content where we are? No, we must keep striving, keep moving forward. But we must not be disheartened.
Things are not always what they seem.
And that is why we pray for each other, and hold each other in our hearts. Not to compare, but to love...
OK, off my soapbox now. These are a few things I needed to write out today to sort through some stuff...
Thanks.
6 comments:
+
Thank you Nutmeg, that was wonderful.
This is taking me my whole life to learn. But with a lot of grace...
Thanks for the post.
It has taken me ten years of marriage and 8 years as a mom to come to some of these conclusions and to start battling against them. I hear myself saying, "Just because they do it differently doesn't make them (or me) as bad person!" (usual caveats as always). Thanks for the reminder.
Someone very wise once explained to me the difference between making judgements and pre-judging or rash judgement. We make judgements all the time. We should be on guard against rash judgements!
Good point, CMW.
As I was writing this, I almost went that direction, in explaining the different types of judging. I mean, as moms, we have to have judgements....in fact, we make them all the time! I used to bring this up in confession a lot, and a very wise priest (wonder if it's the same person?) told me that it's okay to make judgements about what people do/say, but not to condemn the people themselves. We do not know their motive, or state in life, etc.
It's tricky.
But I didn't include it, b/c I wanted to touch on how/why we judge ourselves so harshly. And why we compare ourselves to others...and since we only see their "outside" we compare that to what we see of ourselves, our "inside".
Interesting, many-faceted topic!
So, when are you going to start blogging?
I noticed the other day that some of the Mommy Blogs I frequent are maintained by mommies who are not morning people. Maybe morning people make better commenters.:^)!
My wise person was not a priest, but I do know some incredibly wise priests that I enjoy having on the other side of the confessional screen!
Post a Comment