Life in a Nutshell
What is a true woman? What is true femininity? These are questions that have been answered in many books, articles, love songs and poems. These answers have been held up and examined. Extolled and condemned. And how many women are satisfied with the answers they have found?
Most women I know have stopped looking. At least it is not really a topic of conversation amongst my woman friends. Why not? We are too darn busy. We have many little children, and many little duties, and many little cares that all add up to being very very busy mamas. We simply do not have time to debate these topics. My friends are strong, and beautiful (inside and out). Some wear skirts all the time. Some wear jeans all the time, or shorts and t-shirts. Some homeschool, some do not. Some work outside the home, some do not. Some play sports and run marathons, some do jazzercise, some do not. We all have different tastes, different styles and different personalities. There is one thing in common, though. We are all striving for holiness. We are all trying to do God’s will in our own lives, and seeking out the true, the good and the beautiful.
Here is what I think a woman is: (and it truly fits all these women I am fortunate to know)
1. Captivating We need to be inviting to all those around us; friends, strangers, children, the elderly. Not stand-offish, or snotty, or nasty.
2. Beautiful And I don’t mean only physically. I’m sure we can all use help in that department….we are all fallen, you know! I mean in our hearts, in the sense that we are made in the image and likeness of God. Every woman is beautiful.
3. A Warrior Yes, like Joan of Arc. Sometimes, we need to tie back or hair (or cut it!) throw on our jeans and get dirty. Or, we need to go to bat for our kids, our husband, our family. We need to be strong.
4. Irreplaceable We all have a role in this life. Look at your family, your friends. Even those friends who may not be so close to you any more. Your friendship with them is unique. They may need you right now and not know how to ask. Your familial roles are obvious, even if you are not married. No one else can be the presence that you are meant to be.
I’m sure this list is not exhausted here. I encourage you to add your own. All of these presuppose a disposition of modesty and charity. But I refuse to dictate dress codes and specific codes of conduct. I truly believe that there is a bit of wiggle room there.
For more reading, I strongly encourage you to check out: Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. No, they are not Catholic. But they have an overwhelming sense of the true natures of men and women.
4 comments:
Women who give up material success or forego careers that the society pushes on them as heroic.
Women whose circumstances dictate that they MUST work are heroic too. Very heroic. That breaks my heart.
Do you think there is an authentic femininity?
I think there is, and I think it is found in every woman. Some wear it better than others. What I mean to say is, some women are more comfortable in their own skin, more accepting of their particular way of expressing this femininity, than others. One senses it when one is around them. It has little to do with what she wears, but everything to do with her lack of peace in who she is, the role she has been chosen to play, and her acceptance of that role.
I like to think of extreme examples, here. I love what I'll call "big black mama's" (lots down here in Texas)...they are so loud and forthright, they tell it like it is. Many a time, a silent doctor's waiting room or awkward ride on an elevator has been broken up with their loud, brazen, manners and questions and observations. It is always a relief, when they "break the ice" so to speak. I wish I could be more like that. And that is a trait of true femininity. Women are the ones who build relationships, keep friendships going....that is a strength of ours.
Or, what about the woman on the farm? She digs, sows, weeds, harvests. She deals with cows and pigs and chickens. She is very earthy and hardened. But she is truly feminine as well. My friend Cecilia (JOB's wife from Godsbody) is such a person. She is so warm and inviting, a real beauty, inside and out. And as strong as an ox.
"Femininity" has gotten a bad reputation of meaning mousy and submissive. Even many women saints were not so.
We have much to learn.
My daughter is six. She loves science. She can do any possitive thing she wants. She is expected to go to college and to take it as far as she goes.
We will teach her that she cannot throw her kids under the bus for her career. My wife has a degree in Mathematics. Math will still be there for her in a few years.
So I agree with you the no mousey women assertion.
Whenever I need courage, I never thing of great warriors. I think about Our Lady. Consider the scene from The Passion where she kisses our Jesus's feet. Mother, courage, humility all in a kiss.
One more thing. My daughter has an almost natural tendency to be inclusive. Tell me if this is a generalization. She wants to invite everyone over. She wants everyone to live in the same neighborhood.
She likes cooking, and being present to her family.
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