Life in a Nutshell
And so, (see comments from #1) there are other issues I deal with in my stay-at-home-mom homeschooling world. It's an amazing world, filled with many different parenting styles and philosphies that, for the most part, remain unspoken. I am grateful that amongst my friends, these differences are accepted and not questioned. In fact, most of these topics are "taboo" and I think they should stay that way. However, for those of you new to this world, it may be interesting to see what goes on behind closed doors....
I will only relate my own struggles. Todays topic will be breastfeeding, a very volatile one, given the chapter in CCL by Sheila Kippley that makes it seem sinful if one decides not to breastfeed.
And so it begins with the birth of my first born, a little boy, who decided that being colicky (crying excessively) was his mission in life. I tried desperately to nurse him, even staying in bed with him for 3 days trying to build up my milk supply...but to no avail. Disheartened, I gave up, and desperate to stop the colic, ended up feeding him formula that cost $20 a can. Ouch. By the way, it didn't work. He screamed for 3 months straight.
Baby #2 came along, a roly-poly curly blond hair, blue-eyed cherub. He was huge! I nursed him for 2 months and again, couldn't keep up with the demand. I tried all kinds of supplements, read and re-read "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" and just couldn't seem to get it down. I gave up and then a month later found out I was pregnant with DD#1.
Shell-shocked, I tried nursing DD#1, deciding to supplement whenever I thought it necessary. What a relief! I was able to continue nursing for 5 months until my supply gave out. I was thrilled.
DD#2 came along 2 years later, and I nursed her exclusively for 7 months! Amazing! No supplements, just lots of water and rest. I really think that the cesarean forced me to rest more, and aided in my milk production being adequate.
A year later, I miscarried.... I was 9 weeks along, and devastated at the loss.
2 months later, I found out I was pregnant with DD#3. And my cesarean was scheduled 9 months later. I was able to nurse her exclusively for 8 months. Another victory in my books!
Unfortunately, not everyone can master the "breastfeeding beast". A dear friend of mine cannot get her babies to gain weight and always has to supplement. It's like her milk has no fat content at all. She even went so far as to purchase breast milk from a friend who had too much! My friend knew the benefits of breast milk and was willing to do this to ensure that her son had all the "right" food! Amazing.
And so... what? I know that breastfeeding is the best for baby. I've tried my darndest to accomplish the one year mark that is recommended, but can't seem to make it. Most of my friends nurse for at least a year, and, thank goodness, are not judgemental about my "failure" to do so. They know the effort I put into it, and they honor that. Those who don't know my whole story, I hope they give me the benefit of the doubt. But, whenever I feel like a generalization is being made about "those women who choose not to breastfeed" I jump in, defending those seemingly ignorant women by telling my own story....
all may not be as it looks from the outside....
5 comments:
I think it's very admirable that you breast-fed as long as you did. I attended La Leche League meetings when my oldest was little. One thing I admired about the organization on the whole was that their aim was to help mothers in nursing their babies at whatever stage they were, or through whatever issues they might have - no insistence that it be a certain amount of time, etc.
I think judgemental attitudes about these things are too common. I have a close friend who struggled with infertility for years before she was able to conceive. She and her husband were pulled aside by a lady at the Latin Mass they attended who decided it was her job to lecture them on the evils of birth control What a terrible assumption to make and what a hurtful thing to do. That kind of thing can turn people away from the faith.
Holy cow! I've heard of those sorts of confrontations..but never have been the recipient of one. Some people have no tact, being a Catholic has nothing to do with it...only makes it worse, it seems.
La Leche League is great....no problems there. (In fact, I'm related to one of the founding families by marriage!) They have done so much good for so many moms.
Wow. I am amazed at the feedback I am getting...I'm waiting for someone to slam me. :)
Your story is a perfect example of what I am talking about. Whenever you see someone give you that "look", you can't exactly sit them down right then and there and say, "look, I had a breakdown, and now I'm infertile, 'K?" I wouldn't want to share my personal struggles with every person I see. Nor should we have to.
I tend to have a Pollyanna outlook;
we're all in it together, everyone is basically good, and aren't we all trying to do what God wants?
Does that smack of wishy-washy PC crap? I'm not trying to be PC. I think I have a healthy dose of skepticism, (being from NY and all....a heritage I am proud of, I might add!) But, I would like to give others the benefit of the doubt.
And what difference should it make to others? Are they trying to correct in true charity? But should they correct when it's such a personal matter? Interesting question....
btw..thanks for visiting, it's great to meet people in cyberspace!
I think it's very Christian to NOT judge others. It also seems to me that it can require humility to give others the benefit of the doubt. That doesn't mean you automatically trust everyone (for example, with the charge of your kids), or that you take an "I'm okay, you're okay" attitude (never making any distinctions between right and wrong) - but we have no good reason to make assumptions about people's families and whether or not they use birth control or whatever (and other things like that).
I am VERY careful about who my kids are exposed to. Andrew calls me "Mama Bear" (no offense Mrs. Bear!) when he senses my 'claws' coming out!
You are right, we cannot judge when it comes to whether someone is using birth control, or pausing in their procreative cycle!
But here is a good example of a friend of mine in Wisconsin who did say something when she heard a woman at her church talk about her husband getting a vasectomy! My friend agonized the whole next week, wondering if she should say something...then decided she would. So, after mass, she approached her and asked to speak with her alone. Then she hurriedly explained her dilemma, not wanting to get involved, but wanting to tell her of other options, and she started crying! Her friend was astounded and reassured my friend that she appreciated her concern and would look into NFP, (never having heard of it before!) and thanked her!
Perfect example of exposing someone to the truth with a genuine concern for the other...
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