Life in a Nutshell
Why is it that (some) Mom's who go through natural childbirth have amazing theories about the pain they go through at the outset, and how it speeds up their recovery? I have even heard priests say that a Mom is going to go through pain raising children, and it might as well be during labor, and not when the child is a teenager! What?!?
I am all for women going through the pain of childbirth, drug free, by choice. I don't understand it, but I would never try to force them out of their decision. I would also expect them to be respectful of the choices I have made for myself and my babies. Now, it is even harder for me, because I have to have cesarean sections! In my world, it's almost like a mortal sin...the eyebrows go up, a little smug, "I see" from the lips of whomever I am speaking to...and then I feel like I have to defend myself!
I actually hate c-sections. Scared to death of surgery. It took all of my willpower last time to remain in the pre-op room, and not pull all the needles out and high tail it back home! I was a wreck all through the surgery. So, why have them? Because my doctor, who is a Catholic, pro-life, NFP ob/gyn, said so. "OH!" says my listener...and I'm forgiven. ARGH. It annoys me.
But, of course, I cannot leave it at that level. How many times have I judged others and their decisions without knowing the whole story? We all need a dose of tolerance and compassion.
6 comments:
I completely agree. I didn't have time to use pain meds for my first, but then it turned out not being as bad as I expected. For the second the pain was worse, but by the time I realized that, it was too late for the meds. AAAAAAHHHHHH!!
My in-laws go even further and criticize me for having them in a hospital instead of at home. Letting them have the Vit K shot was practically the same as giving them poison.
As for having a c/s, they would say that even if your doctor said it was necessary, it really wasn't because c/s are hardly ever done for a legitimate reason. The doctor just wanted to make more money. Yes, they would say that. Ugh.
I am so sorry for you! My familiy (both sides) are very supportive regarding my childbirthing situation. I have many friends who do homebirths....none have ever tried to convince me to try. I think I am pretty outspoken in my personal preference to give birth in a hospital!!
Re: the "neccessity" of cesareans, I understand that many physicians do them just for money...but not in my case. My firstborn had an umbilical chord that was only 3inches long. He wasn't going anywhere, and in fact, his heartrate showed that he was undergoing extreme stress. The chord actually started to tear, and some blood came out. My ob didn't know any of this, only that his heartrate was of extreme concern. She consulted with another ob, and then made the decision to do the c-section. If we had lived before any of these medical practices were done, my son and I would both have died, and none of my other childen born...
Thank God for modern medicine!
BTW...I had 2 VBAC's after the first c/s, with epidurals. Then DD#2 was a c/s due to lack of progress and possible calcification of the placenta. From then on, it is c/s all the way :(, according to my ob, the Catholic, pro-life, NFP-only guy, who is a rock and I admire him greatly.
I think you're very brave for doing what's best for your children (and scary for you) despite what others say. I've been very fortunate to have had natural childbirths. It took me four childbirths (including my #3 which went so fast there was no time for meds) to realize that the meds didn't really help me for some reason. The last two were without meds by choice and I do think it helped recovery, but I would NEVER expect anyone else to be in the same position.
I ran into a lady last year who I had known when I was homeschooled for high school. I was horrified that her way of "catching up" was asking:
How many kids do you have?
Do you homeschool?
Have you had natural childbirths?
and
Do you breastfeed?
To my dismay (almost) I was able to answer all of her questions satisfactorily (and couldn't come up with a good response, I was so much in shock).
I find that medical topics can be very touchy with a lot of my homeschool acquaintances - I tend to avoid discussing it. I tend to be more pro-Western medicine (although with a healthy degree of skepticism) than most other homeschoolers I know (and we too have a Catholic, pro-life doctor!!!). This is, in part, because we too have a number of relatives (especially several nephews born with serious health issues that required serious medical intervention) who would not be alive today without the wonders of modern medicine.
It seems that homeschoolers have more of a danger of being critical because they have chosen to discern very carefully what is "good" for their children by seeing what is "good" in and of itself. I admire that, and have become one of them, while also sending my oldest to school. (a whole other post about my struggle with that...more later, maybe)
But, it seems that we shoot ourselves (and each other)in the feet by insisting, in a way, that one swallows the whole package...
*large family
*homeschooling
*natural home birth
*nursing until the child is 2
*homeopathy
*co-sleeping
*Moms wear skirts all the time
*Latin mass
Ooooh, I'm going to get slammed. Let me clarify, that I do not have a problem with these ideas...only when I feel like I need to adopt them as my own in order to "one of them", much like when you met your friend and she "gave you the test".
Maybe I am young and immature and can't see the value in the above-mentioned criteria. I have to say that I have tried a few, and my personality screams out against it. Maybe that is a huge fault with me, or maybe I am called to be a different kind of parent...and my kids are unique and respond better to the parenting style I am more comfortable with. For now, I'm going with that theory...
It might be partly that homeschooling is attractive to people who have strong feelings about the other issues.
Some philosophical/logical considerations can be helpful. Some things can be good without being essential - I think a lot of people don't make that distinction.
It's funny, because I used to think that cosmetic surgery was kind of "out-there" and unnecessary. My neighbor (who is a young mom) told me that she had cosmetic makeup/tatooing - but for a really good reason. She lost most her eyebrows because of some medication she was on when she was younger. That gave me a slightly different perspective.
There's an old-fashioned term for these sorts of things that's gone out-of-style because of the over-use of the word "open-minded". That term is broad-minded and I think it applies to these situations where it might be tempting to judge someone else.
I love that word, "broadminded"...it explains exactly what I mean. I hesitate to say "tolerance" b/c of the negative connotation ...to PC.
But 'broadminded' sounds more gracious, more appreciative of the philosophical differences. That's exactly the sense I was going for.
Thank you!
Post a Comment