Body "Image"

As I took my place at the end of the line, I saw her.  This thin, petite mom with sleek blonde hair and insanely high heels.  A designer handbag perched on her shoulder, she was the epitome of fashion.  While the other moms around her chatted, she soundly ignored everyone.  Instead she flipped her hair and texted on her phone.  She seemed utterly bored and barely able to contain her impatience.  I wondered at her glamour and the importance of her status in her own world.

Then she turned around.

A mixture of awe and disappointment engulfed me.  This stunning woman, desperate to keep her youthful appearance, had succumbed to the empty promises of cosmetic surgery.  It was so obvious, I cringed.  Her eyebrows strung high, and her lips in a permanent pout, she looked... unnatural.  When someone accidentally bumped into her and apologized, she smiled... and I was horrified.  She suddenly looked eighty years old.

Later that day, contemplating my expanding stomach and all the stretching and joyous changes on the horizon... I thought of that woman.

How easy it would be for me to feel despair at the loss of my thinner self.  To decry every wrinkle and groan over each blemish. 

But also... how ridiculous.

You see, I am a mom.  And we moms have hit upon a secret.  We have experience and know this secret firsthand.  It is the key to our happiness, but also to our sanity. 

Our bodies are not our own.

When God blesses us with a new life, we experience this "other" like nothing else ever could.  There is, literally, an"other" dwelling within us.  And everything we eat and do, every choice we make, affects this "other" being in an intimate way.  Also?  We have no control over the changes that must occur in order to sustain this new life.  To bemoan the loss of our flat stomach or firm thighs is nonsense.  To try desperately not to gain weight is absurd.

And so it is with getting older. 

Our bodies are not our own.

We will get wrinkles and gray hair.  Things will start to droop and sag.  The weight that used to melt like ice cream in summer will suddenly become steadfast. We can use creams, we can color our hair, and expend hours of energy working out and weighing each portion of food before it touches our lips... but it is inevitable. 

It is so hard not to look at yourself critically.  To notice the extra pouches here and there.  Yesterday, while standing in line, I unconsciously sucked in my stomach.  I fingered my wild, curly hair.  And I felt a bit frumpy.  But then I pulled myself together.  I chatted with the lady behind me and held onto Little Love's hand, while waving to a friend I hadn't seen in awhile. 

When I got back to the car, I'll admit it, I glanced in my rear-view mirror... briefly.  I saw.. me.  A healthy, slightly older, Mama.  Full of life and joy. 

And no matter what my age, I hope and pray that that is what I will always be able to see.

:)


These ruminations brought to you courtesy of my birthday today... not surprising, eh?  :P