I, too, struggle with that beast.
The guilt of Mom's.
And while it has reared it's ugly head, destroying my self-confidence, recounting to me in gory detail all of my failings, causing me to weep and despair, even to the point of thinking that God took Gianna away from me because I am such a horrible mother... (yes, I did think that for a time)
You know the drill... and you know that sometimes one has to ignore this beast.
But you know what? I can't dismiss the MG Beast completely. I actually need it. And I shudder to think where I would be without it.
This nagging little beast prompts me, after a particularly arduous day, to try harder, to renew my resolve. To snuggle my toddler while staring at the huge pile of laundry, to take a deep breath and read to my 4 year old. To smile at my 6 year old and listen to her 15 minute dream sequence. To let my 7 year old help make pancakes, and my 9 year old read me his favorite passage in the book he is reading.
Too many times I hear it from others:
"You need to make time for yourself!"
"Go to the spa!"
"Go to the gym!"
"Buy yourself something!"
"Take a break!"
And trust me, I do. Sometimes too often, too much, too many times. (Except for the spa, never done that. Sure it's fabulous.) But, I get my time, my treats, my rewards.
But that is not what it's all about, is it?
And when I am caught up in the daily grind of schooling and diapers and dishes, it's easy to forget.
Enter Mother Guilt.
Or maybe, more aptly named (for me)... my conscience?
:)
5 comments:
The difference for me is that my conscience tells me when I have done something wrong. The guilt seems to kick in to tell me that I haven't done something good enough. Does that make sense?
Ye-e-e-s.....
However, I would say that in some cases it actually is my conscience that tells me when it is "not good enough"... (please note that I can only rely on my own experiences here)
And not just when dealing with my kids, but with other things, too.
I guess what I mean to say is that I know I tend towards laziness and sometimes guilt is the only thing that gets me going. And it is not helpful to hear people laugh when I say this.
It is possible to homeschool 5 kids and be lazy. At least for me.
Aren't I talented?
:)
"Aren't I talented?"
No. You are talented and beautiful. ;)
Jumping into the discussion to say I think that both of you are right. Matilda is talking, I think, about sins of commission versus sins of omission. Running throughout all of this (the music of our mothers' lives) is a healthy dose of scruples.
As in, "God took Gianna because..."
God didn't take Gianna away from you any more than He took our Baby Francis Xavier this January. (Although that's what it felt like to me at the time. So difficult! So mysterious!)
No, 'Meg, He called our little ones to their rightful home and is calling us closer to His all-loving heart in the process.
If we ask Him, He will make our hearts more loving too.
And then the mother guilt gets set aside and we glory in the blessings of the moment.
Long-winded, no? :)
I tend to differentiate between the promptings of one's conscience, which are helpful, and mommy guilt, which is a Goblin that twists perfectly nice things into things we start worrying about (I shouldn't let my kids have cookies! Well, not storebought ones! And not this close to dinnertime! etc.)
Good points, all.
I think what this discussion ends up being is a personality discussion. Some things that make others feel guilty may not even be on my radar. But the things that do make me feel guilty are honest-to-goodness matters of conscience for me.
Of course, I feel better when I serve homemade cookies or bread, but I don't beat myself up if I don't. Ditto with crafts and outings and such.
In short, I know I can do more with/for my kids, and that I will always take time for myself... that will never be a problem for me.
:)
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