Because Sometimes, It IS Just Me

Actually, I'm pretty sure it's always me.

:P

I was invited to a mom's night out Wednesday evening.  It was for a new homeschooling group in the area, a Catholic one, with many wonderful moms.

I didn't go.  Not because of Little Dude, or DH's work schedule, or the craziness of soccer practices....
Not because of the women there... they are all so wonderful and lovely and joy-filled.

I didn't go because I didn't want to.

I didn't want to paste a smile on my face and share a recipe, I didn't want to make myself presentable, re-fresh my make-up and laugh at the craziness of my days.  I didn't want to sit and chat.

I just... couldn't.

My days are too raw right now.  My temper too fragile.  My nerves too totally and completely shot.  Two weeks into doing the juggling act between homeschooling and homework, between stay-at-home and drive-to-school, between sleep-in and get-up-and-get-out...  and I am tired.

We bloggers have to walk a fine line.  Too much real-deal stuff and people won't read. It's depressing.  Too much sunshiney-happy-faced stuff, and people won't read.  It seems fake.

So it goes in the real world.  

I couldn't handle happy-shiny Wednesday evening. I needed heart-to-heart. I needed real. I wonder how many other homeschooling moms need that, needed that instead.

I don't know how to provide that. I'm too choleric.  I'm too melancholic.  And I'm sarcastic.... a NYer to the core.  It's a horrible combination sometimes, but there you have it. My IRL friends are gems.  They put up with me. I dare say they even love me, in spite of it all.

And while I am grateful for the happy women, I also crave the real.  The down-to-earth, the nitty-gritty, the wow, this is just too damn hard, let's get a drink!

So, DH and I will be going out tomorrow night.  To get that drink, and have that chat.

Thank goodness he loves me, melancholic-choleric-NY-sarcasm and all....


:)