It's hard to keep your mouth shut.
Harder still to make noise.
But we can't have perfect 20/20 hindsight
That our fate enjoys.
So save me from a villainous imagination.
Deliver me from my friends.
If I said something to make you mad
I will take it back.
I will take it back.
~BNL Take It Back
Charlotte asked some awesome questions on my last "real" post. I had made some reference to a lesson I thought we bloggers could benefit from learning. My wording was admittedly vague, and Charlotte rightly called me on it.
I think it would behoove us to investigate further.
Here's what I said:
I am grateful for... good true friends. A bit of disillusionment going on over here. I am just so grateful for those people who listen to understand, not condemn. Think about that for a moment. It's invaluable wisdom to ponder, especially for us bloggers. Take that into the real world, and you've got yourself a mission for life.
And here are her questions:
No stranger to disillusionment you have sparked some curiosities... does listening to understand mean never disagreeing or just not giving voice to it? Is listening to condemn really listening?
Charlotte asked some awesome questions on my last "real" post. I had made some reference to a lesson I thought we bloggers could benefit from learning. My wording was admittedly vague, and Charlotte rightly called me on it.
I think it would behoove us to investigate further.
Here's what I said:
I am grateful for... good true friends. A bit of disillusionment going on over here. I am just so grateful for those people who listen to understand, not condemn. Think about that for a moment. It's invaluable wisdom to ponder, especially for us bloggers. Take that into the real world, and you've got yourself a mission for life.
And here are her questions:
No stranger to disillusionment you have sparked some curiosities... does listening to understand mean never disagreeing or just not giving voice to it? Is listening to condemn really listening?
Awesome questions, and well worth some ponderings.
My own answers would run something like this:
Listening to condemn is not truly listening. It is hearing what the other person is saying, but hearing only in the sense of how we would respond. And it is not giving the other person the benefit of the doubt.
Listening to understand would be truly listening, putting yourself in the other person's shoes, and giving them the benefit of the doubt. This is extremely hard to do, given the medium through which we bloggers communicate. The written word can be read with so many different inflections and tones... we have to be discerning about what we write and how we write it.
Can we disagree with the opinions of others? Of course. But this is where we have to be careful. Very very careful. The women who type out these mommy blogs are intelligent, purposeful and hold high standards. We hold our opinions firmly and close to our hearts. So much so, that sometimes we take personal offense when someone disagrees with us and it quickly becomes a moral issue. We need to keep in mind that the women we are conversing with here (for the most part, I know that there can be those who troll around just to make trouble) are well-intentioned. However, we also must keep in mind that they have an entire background that we may not know or understand, and this influences their thoughts and reasonings. Speaking harshly about their views may open up hidden wounds and cause a fierce backlash. Most of the time, these are benign subjects we are dealing with here, things that have no moral culpability... and we need to be comfortable with agreeing to disagree. It is not worth upsetting our peace or the peace and friendship we have with others.
This advice is something I am trying to hold onto when dealing with those I encounter IRL who make decisions I wouldn't have made, or hold views I don't hold... none of them detrimental to the state of anyone's soul! But sometimes, again, the arguments are taken to a moral level, and there is no need for that. Charity and understanding must prevail. Always.
Writing is a responsibility we bloggers take on. As soon as our written word is published, be it on our own blog or on someone else's, it's ours to defend or recant. And so we must be super careful as to the content. I have seen posts by bloggers I thought I had come to know, saying some uncharitable things in other forums. It angered me greatly, and I felt betrayed. And I vowed never ever to let my words be unkind or cause scandal in this way. I hope I haven't ever done that, and I am truly sorry if I have.
I probably have not covered all the bases here. I am sure that more can be said. Please remember that charity must be the word of the day. I am not claiming expertise or superiority of word or thought. I have a long way to go. I'm simply striving like everyone else.
My own answers would run something like this:
Listening to condemn is not truly listening. It is hearing what the other person is saying, but hearing only in the sense of how we would respond. And it is not giving the other person the benefit of the doubt.
Listening to understand would be truly listening, putting yourself in the other person's shoes, and giving them the benefit of the doubt. This is extremely hard to do, given the medium through which we bloggers communicate. The written word can be read with so many different inflections and tones... we have to be discerning about what we write and how we write it.
Can we disagree with the opinions of others? Of course. But this is where we have to be careful. Very very careful. The women who type out these mommy blogs are intelligent, purposeful and hold high standards. We hold our opinions firmly and close to our hearts. So much so, that sometimes we take personal offense when someone disagrees with us and it quickly becomes a moral issue. We need to keep in mind that the women we are conversing with here (for the most part, I know that there can be those who troll around just to make trouble) are well-intentioned. However, we also must keep in mind that they have an entire background that we may not know or understand, and this influences their thoughts and reasonings. Speaking harshly about their views may open up hidden wounds and cause a fierce backlash. Most of the time, these are benign subjects we are dealing with here, things that have no moral culpability... and we need to be comfortable with agreeing to disagree. It is not worth upsetting our peace or the peace and friendship we have with others.
This advice is something I am trying to hold onto when dealing with those I encounter IRL who make decisions I wouldn't have made, or hold views I don't hold... none of them detrimental to the state of anyone's soul! But sometimes, again, the arguments are taken to a moral level, and there is no need for that. Charity and understanding must prevail. Always.
Writing is a responsibility we bloggers take on. As soon as our written word is published, be it on our own blog or on someone else's, it's ours to defend or recant. And so we must be super careful as to the content. I have seen posts by bloggers I thought I had come to know, saying some uncharitable things in other forums. It angered me greatly, and I felt betrayed. And I vowed never ever to let my words be unkind or cause scandal in this way. I hope I haven't ever done that, and I am truly sorry if I have.
I probably have not covered all the bases here. I am sure that more can be said. Please remember that charity must be the word of the day. I am not claiming expertise or superiority of word or thought. I have a long way to go. I'm simply striving like everyone else.
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